Since the last post, I’ve been almost consumed by that silly message board. I’ve written probably 4,000+ words in reply. Quite insane.

One thing I’ve noticed, though, is how personally some of these kids are taking the discussion about the existence of God. For example, this little gem comes from a girl (I think) who has an account name StarryeyedKatt, signs her messages Kattiva, and then gets upset because I called her “Kattiva.” Anyway, she wrote,

why would you decieve yourself so much as to say that god doesnt exist? i mean ummmm honestly i really dont know how you couldnt believe it. but i guess he just hasnt called you yet maybe he will somday. i hope he will i hope he shows you the way you should go. but in the mean time i was gonna rip at you cause of what you said but i honestly dont want to theres really no point and i dont think you were really trying to start fights or anything so i hope GOD be merciful to you and your life is well because i dont think ill be back to this topic.

Amazing. I might as well have called her a stupid slut or something. I might have gotten a little more civil response. But I wonder what “I was gonna rip at you” means. Try to hurt me emotionally like I’ve obviously and unintentionally hurt her? I’ve no idea.

But it is interesting how personally a lot of them are taking this. For example, regarding evolution, there’s this from Kattiva: “i take somone saying my ancestors were little microscopic bugs as a personall insult.” Or from “Bedbug” there’s, “I simply refuse to believe that I am the great, great, great, great (X a few billion more greats) grandchild of an ameba.. . . I dont like the idea of evolving from a monkey either.” Another one, from “AK,” reads simply, “I did not come from amoebas.” They take the theory of evolution personally, as if somehow having evolved from monkeys (or anything else) makes them less valuable as a human now.

In response to that, I wrote:

Several of you seem to take the notion of evolution personally, as if it’s meant to be a personal assault on your personal dignity and your worth as a human being. It is, I assure you, not meant as any such thing. There are plenty of things I find unsavory in the world, but my personal revulsion to them does not affect their existential reality or veracity in any way. There are little mites that live in the follicle of each of my eyelashes — pretty disgusting but true nonetheless. Skin from my body falls off while I sleep and the particles get trapped in my pillow, where they serve as food for thousands upon thousands of animals. Makes me sick to think about it, but my disgust doesn’t change the fact that it’s true. The same fluid that delivered the sperm cell to the egg cell, which ultimately resulted in “me,” can carry a deadly disease to a sexual partner, which ultimately can kill said partner — a sickening thought, but true nonetheless.

Personal feelings are no basis for scientific fact. It might make me feel good to think that there’s a little invisible elf sitting on my shoulder, constantly whispering advice to me time that I unconsciously heed, thereby making my life better. But that “good feeling” doesn’t mean the elf exists. There are people in the world who, learning that I am an American citizen, would willingly put a bullet in my head without any hesitation. That “bad feeling” doesn’t mean that such people don’t exist.

“But these examples are different!” you might exclaim. How? “Because you can show those things to be true or not true. There’s evidence!” You’re right. There’s evidence that there’s no elf on my shoulder; there’s evidence that there are people who’d kill me because of my nationality. There’s also evidence that we evolved from monkeys. There’s also evidence that there is a supreme creator of the universe. Notice how slippery that word “evidence” becomes? What’s evidence for you is not evidence for me, and what’s proof for you is not proof for me. So even in something as “objective” as evidence, there’s a subjective facet. I can go on believing that everyone loves America despite what happened six months ago, and I can go right on believing that there’s an elf on my shoulder despite any scientific tests that might show otherwise.

It leads me to think, once again, about the notion of “proof” and “evidence.” No one would accept “proof” that the black race is genetically inferior to the white race because it goes against the accepted norm.

On to other things — I finally alerted Mr. Kobernat to the coming open letter:

Mr. Kobernat,

On Friday 15 March I am posting an open letter to you (though I use contrived initials and not your real name) on my web site. You might want to have a look at it before it goes up. If you have any response, I will consider including it at the bottom of the document. http://glscott.net/HtmlTxt/nf/rel/wcg/open_letter.html

In addition, if you look at my main page (simply http://glscott.net) you’ll see a “Recent Additions” or, if you’ve visited my site before, it will read “Since your Last Visit.” A link to this letter will appear and remain there. Also I will add a link from my main WCG page and my main non-fiction page. Lastly, the Missing Dimension web site (http://www.missingdimension.com) tends to make note of recent additions to my web site on the “Check out the latest WCG news” page. All this is to say it will certainly get a few readings.

Just thought I’d give you a heads-up.

Sincerely and respectfully,

GS

P.S. I will be sending this from several different email accounts to be 100% sure you receive it. I apologize for the possible repetition.

I’m a little worried that he might not have gotten any of this because he has me “blocked.” I don’t know if that’s fair. Yet on the other hand, if he has blocked me out, that’s all the more evidence in my favor. I might send him email from that frederickcharlestonfl account that I created in Yahoo. Or I might just create a new one and send it.

I’m also thinking about putting his name back into all those journal entries. That would be a ton of work, and the amount of time necessary to do that would be the only reason I wouldn’t do it. I guess you could say, in other words, that I regret taking his name out. I should have just left it in.

Last night at Quattro I had a brief but interesting (curious, even) conversation with Agnieszka L. Among other things she asked me about my reason for living. “Good question,” I thought. I told her I try to live simply for the moment and not worry about the other stuff, but that often it’s difficult not to think about the past and things that were and no longer are.

She kept asking me about whether or not there was a “special lady” for me. And I got the distinct feeling that if the answer were “no,” there could be something between us. Perhaps I’m just grasping here. Or perhaps it’s simply that she is quite attractive (not the best hair style in the world, but beautiful eyes and a body to die for) and the thought of her coming on to me is flattering.

She also asked me what I think about the people in Quattro. “I think they have empty lives,” I said, and she agreed.

I enjoyed chatting with her, and I might try to get her to meet me for a beer sometime during the week just to chat. It seemed we have some things in common — her questions about the reason for living and what I think about those at Quattro indicates that at the very least we’ve thought about the same things.

I’m going to play now.

10:44 PM

A post for tomorrow:

AK asked a question that I think needs answering, and I think it’s best to start a new topic to do so. The question was this: “Umm. . . . .can I ask a question Benfolds? Why the interest in the COGs?” Fair enough. A complete stranger bursts onto the scene and begins posting relatively frequently. You are justified in asking such questions.

To begin with, who I am not: I am not a member of the LCG, nor have I ever attended an LCG service. I am not a member of any other COG.

But who am I? Where did I come from? What am I doing here? Is there any meaning to all this? (Starting to sound like a HWA intro, huh?) Some background.

I was raised in the WCG. I attended until I was about twenty-two, and then quit. My parents still attend the WCG, where my father is a local church elder. I do not currently attend the WCG except occasionally when I visit my parents.

My interest in the COGs stems mainly from a fascination with the changes in the WCG and the resulting splits. I am interested in it because nothing like this has ever happened before. No sect has ever migrated to the Protestant mainstream like that, and I find it intriguing. (And I apologize if that word, “sect,” offends you. It’s certainly less offensive than “cult,” and in my opinion it is a more accurate description of both the WCG of old and all the various COGs of today. This is because a cult, from a sociological point of view, is a new religion. Heaven’s Gate and its UFO worship is a good example. A sect is merely a marginalized Christian group. A church having unusual beliefs, in other words.)

In the past five years, I’ve done a lot of thinking, reading, and writing about my family’s experience with the WCG and about the teachings HWA and the history of the WCG. I’ve read almost all of HWA’s materials; I’ve read most of the “dissenting” material on the internet; I’ve read many of the booklets from the UCG and PCG, as well as any online materials I can find for any other COG (including the LCG). I’m interested in who went where and why. I’m interested in how the various COGs differ doctrinally and administratively, given the fact that they had the same origins. And I’m interested in the theological development of the various COGs as more and more time passes from HWA’s death and the major split in the mid-90s.

I am, though, on the whole very sympathetic toward most COGs. I don’t agree with any of them at all regarding issues of theology: to put it bluntly, I think they/you are all wrong. But I feel what happened with the WCG was a cruel tragedy that needn’t have happened as it did. I am critical of the various splinter COGs, but I am probably most critical of the WCG. I feel the manner in which the changes were affected was immoral. I feel the leadership of the WCG was excessively abusive in how it made the changes. I feel that it has no right to try to curb the religious expression of other COGs, as it did when it sued the PCG over the publication of “Mystery of the Ages.”

As an aside, here’s what I think should have been done regarding the changes in WCG’s theology. From the beginning, the leadership should have been upfront with everyone instead of constantly telling that ridiculous “There are no changes!” lie. They should have said, “We are considering changing the official WCG doctrine on topic X. Here is what we might change it to. Here are the arguments for it; here are the arguments against it. We will keep you informed as we make any decisions.” Then, when it became clear that there were enough changes to prompt people to begin leaving the WCG organization, the WCG should have halted all operations, sold all the property, renounced all copyright privileges on all of HWA’s materials, and closed up shop. The proceeds from the sales of the property would then be divided among the current baptized members based on the amount they had contributed over the years. The WCG would then no longer exist, and the various COGs could form as they wished. Instead, I feel the WCG basically stole from every member who did not agree with the changes.

My interest in this message base comes from a desire, I suppose, to have meaningful communication with those who are still in the COGs. The nonsense I’ve written about interpretation and the existence of God is really of no importance to me. I didn’t begin posting here because I wanted to pick theological fights, and in fact I sort of regret beginning those communications because it has probably biased a few people against me. And such discussions generally accomplish nothing. I’m here because I’m curious to know what it’s like to be in a COG these days. I’m curious whether people’s current COG experiences are comparable to my own.

I must admit that when I read some of your posts, I feel a strange nostalgia for the WCG of old. I too remember feasts (for example in Pensacola or St. Petersburg) when there were thousands of people there. I remember the excitement of the first night, walking in and seeing all those people there. I remember the calm quiet of Friday nights. I remember YOU sports weekends and later, singles weekends (though they were by and large boring — I often felt like I’d stumbled into a seniors weekend function instead). I remember the fun I had at the one SEP camp I attended. I remember the closeness and camaraderie of my friends in the WCG. (Some of them went with the LCG and now refuse even to acknowledge emails from me, something I find highly rude and offensive.) I remember all these things as sort of an idyll, a utopia that I miss from time to time.

And of course I remember the Sabbath after HWA died. So quiet and somber. I think everyone was in complete shock because they didn’t think HWA would die before Christ came back. I don’t think HWA himself though he would die before the second coming.

In a nutshell, I could probably summarize your core beliefs as well as you could; I could probably relate to many “you go to church on Saturday?!?” experiences; and quite honestly, I’ve probably read more of HWA’s writings than most of you (that sounds like bragging, I guess, but I really don’t mean it that way). I’m interested in the COGs because they have been and will probably continue to be an important part of my life, even if I completely disagree with them theologically.

And that’s that. Fair enough, AK?