I’ve begun reading The Shift: Surviving and Thriving After Moving from Conservative to Progressive Christianity by Colby Martin. I’ve read a number of books and articles about people who start doubting traditional Christianity and end up leaving it altogether, but I’d never read anything about taking that first step but ending up still in some form of Christianity. The idea intrigued me. Not because I’m interested in finding a place for myself in progressive Christianity but rather because I like reading about different people’s experiences of faith.

I don’t enjoy reading shitty writing, and I’m afraid that’s what this is. The ideas might be good, but the writing so far is awful. Take a look at this passage from the introduction:

Not to brag, but I’m pretty good at sleeping. Normally, it welcomes me like a freshly hired Walmart greeter. But one evening, just before finishing this book, it treated me more like the Costco exit guard who scans your receipt, glances with unprovoked judgment toward your cart, and won’t let you go until you acquire the Sharpie swipe of victory. Frustrated, I stared into the darkness, scanning the receipt of my brain for what held me back from passing to the void. I tossed and turned on my Casper mattress. I fluffed and re-fluffed my Tuft & Needle pillow. Maybe my issue is that I fall prey to too many Facebook ads? Nah, that’s ridiculous, I thought as I unclasped my MVMT watch.

Dear Lord, why do people who have no idea how to construct compelling figurative language insist on doing it anyway? I know there’s tone-deafness; is there metaphor-deafness as well?

And what is the point of all this brand name dropping? His “Casper mattress”? His “Tuft & Needle pillow”? His “MVMT watch”? Did he read somewhere that good writing includes details and so he’s going to include the brand of every damn thing he mentions?