the girl | matching tracksuits

Teachable Moments

Tuesday 7 February 2012

It often astonishes me how few social skills some students have. Among other tendencies, they exhibit an inability to accept criticism, to delay gratification, to express frustrations in a positive manner, or to know when it’s best to keep a particular thought to themselves. “How is this possible?” I sometimes wondered in the past; having a child whose verbal abilities and cognitive skills increase daily has taught me: these students simply haven’t had sufficient direct instruction.

There are so many things that kids pick up on without being taught directly — chief among them, the most unique characteristic of humans: language — that it’s easy to forget that some things we take for granted actually have to be taught. We think that correction is teaching.

Tonight, I came home with a bit of spare change in my pocket, and as the Girl is saving for a Barbie camper, I give her a bit of my loose change when I have it. I gave her a quarter; she smiled and asked, “Can I have more?”

The easy response — the response I suspect a few of my students got as children — would be, “Can you what?! Don’t you go asking me for more when I’ve already given you something!” And that would be the end.

Tonight, I took the quarter back and explained calmly that, when someone gives you something, it’s really not very polite at all to ask for more. “Let’s try it again,” I said, directing the Girl to return to the spot where she was standing.

“I have something for you,” I smiled again.

“What!?” she asked in almost genuine excitement — she’s a good play-actor.

I gave her the quarter, raised my eyebrows ever so slightly, and she replied, “Thank you!” and put it in the piggy bank.

Explicit teaching followed by directed practice. Sounds like I what I do eight hours a day…

Circus

Sunday 5 February 2012

Remember your first circus?

The excitement as the animals and performers all came in, music blaring, ring master chanting?

Remember your gasps as you watched acrobats perform what seemed to your young eyes to be impossible feats?

Remember seeing the elephants and thinking, “It’s not just Dumbo. They really do line up like that”?

Remember the ball in the pit of your stomach as you watched riders in this or that steel cage of doom?

My folks took me to my first circus when I was about L’s age, and I still remember those sights. Hopefully the Girl will remember today’s first as well.

More photos at Flickr.

The Games We Play

Wednesday 1 February 2012

The Girl simply loves playing games: Candy Land, checkers, Go Fish, “the memory game” (Never just “memory” for her), Curious George — you name it, she’ll play it.

The long-standing challenge for us as parents has always been teaching her to win with humility and lose with dignity. It’s tough to teach a child something you yourself are not good at, for it must be said that I don’t always lose with dignity myself. Chess is about the only game I play, and whileÂ I don’t pitch a fit, my pulse quickens at a loss, and I’m soon berating myself for my obvious mistakes.

Yet by their very nature, these games make excellent benchmarks for social skills development. There are countless metrics:

How far into the game does the first fuss appear?
How long does the first fuss last?
Once it subsides, does the first frustration return immediately?
Is the Girl capable of finishing the game or has she worked herself into an irreversible tizzy?
When it begins to look like a loss is inevitable, does she give up or continue playing?

Recent gaming adventures have shown that L is developing a tolerance for the inevitable eventual loss, an ability to recover quickly from initial frustrations, and the poise to win and lose well. It was, in short, truly a phase.

Sleeping

Sunday 29 January 2012

After an afternoon of biking…

Cycling Afternoon

Saturday 28 January 2012

A new bike, sized right, a quiet cul-de-sac, and an experienced friend who’s a wheel-radius ahead in cycling development make for an afternoon of colossal advances in biking. The radius ahead, however, was often a radius to the right, to the left, a radius behind.

Much to the Girl’s consternation. Five year olds together, best friends, are often like an old married couple: constantly arguing, but inseparable.

Delicate Work

Wednesday 25 January 2012

The Girls

Monday 23 January 2012

My girls.

A Walk in the Park

Sunday 22 January 2012

After a day spent indoors, we were all in need of some motion outside. A damp, gray sky and cold air conspired to keep us inside — we all are fighting illness in one stage or another — but the promise of a warming walk won out.

We headed downtown, to Falls Park, with its cantilevered bridge and short, riverside paths. It had been months — probably over a year — since we’d been to that particular park, and it seemed there was a new attraction there: an entire fleet of bench swings.

And the Girl made a valiant effort to swing on every single one.

The swings certainly weren’t the only attraction. There was a fascinating tangle of roots,

several dozen rocks begging to be tossed into the swift current,

and an alligator that sneaked up on Mama and almost gobbled her up for a late afternoon snack.

Eventually, everyone needs a late afternoon snack, though.

Rainy Day Play

Saturday 21 January 2012

Rainy days require umbrellas to check the mail — whichever umbrella one can find.

And rain days require inventive play.

Working the Puzzle

Tuesday 17 January 2012

The Girl has a little marble and maze puzzle (maybe “ball bearing and maze” is a better description) that involves manipulating the plane of the puzzle so that the ball bearing roles through the maze. Nothing new: we all had one growing up. She’s developed an unorthodox method of solving it, though: she simply shakes it until the bearing gradually crawls to the center.

K decided it was time to teach her how to do it properly.

The results were amusing for both.

Afternoon Playing

Monday 16 January 2012

Afternoon Playing, a set on Flickr.

We set the camera up and let the pictures tell the story.

Via Flickr:
The Girl and I spend a day out of school together.

L with Papa

Saturday 14 January 2012

Counting Up Costs

Monday 9 January 2012

When I was a kid, there was once a toy backhoe that I saw in a department stores — I believe it was Sears back when Sears mattered — that I wanted so badly I could think of nothing else at times. Every single time we were in the store, I had to head over to the toy department and look at it, handle it, play with it as much as was possible in its wrapping.

I can only imagine my torture if someone in my class had said backhoe, brought it to school, and wouldn’t allow me to touch it.

The Girl finds herself in a similar situation. Of course it’s not a backhoe; it’s a Barbie camper. And she did have the awful situation of being able to see but not touch, of being able to watch someone play with it but not join in.

And so she decided there’s only one way to solve the problem, given the fact that the answer to the questino, “Mama, Tata, can you buy me…” was “No.”

Check the piggie bank and see how much she was short.

The End of the Season

Sunday 8 January 2012

Poles traditionally don’t put up the Christmas tree until a few days before Christmas, as opposed to Americans, who seem to start getting ready for Christmas before Halloween. This is especially true in shops. On the other hand, Poles tend to leave their trees up until the end of January.

This late set-up, late pack-up habit undoubtedly comes from the Catholicism that permeates Polish society. Christmas day is only the beginning of the Christmas season, and accordingly, having the tree and decoration up during the season and not simply before it.

We work something of a compromise in our home: we decorate a couple of weeks before and keep it a couple of weeks after. Eventually, though, the time comes: we put on some carols for one last time and take down the tree.

The Girl, happy to have her dancing space back, spins in joy.

Helping

Friday 6 January 2012

One of the reasons I so like taking L to the park is the adventure she has meeting new people. She always makes a new friend — though they seldom even learn their names — and sharpens her social skills.

Monkeying Around

Thursday 5 January 2012

The Bath

Wednesday 4 January 2012

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Tough Lessons

Tuesday 3 January 2012

Because one of my plugins broke with the upgrade to WordPress 3.3, I have to click over to Flickr and manually grab the code for each image I want to insert. In some ways, it would be easier simply to upload them directly to this site, but we use Flickr as a mastery back-up for our best photos — the ones we absolutely don’t want to lose — so in the long run, it’s worth the extra step. But it does mean some clicking: Click on the picture. Click on the “Share” button. Select the text and copy. Click to the new window — you get the point.

Still, as far as sharing goes, this is fairly painless, because one of the hardest things to learn is the gift of sharing. I say “gift of sharing” as if it’s something easy for me to do. It’s not. I doubt it’s easy for anyone in all situations. We all have this or that which we hang on to with clinched fists even when we aren’t aware of how are knuckles are turning white.

For the Girl, it’s Wawel’s candy, “Kasztanki.” L is simply obsessed with them. This is partially because of their rarity: they’re not readily available in the South. (One might find them in Polish stores up north, but not down here.) Babcia sends them to the Girl on a fairly regular basis, but from time to time, she does run out, and then it’s a period of slow heartbreak.

Tonight, we suggested that L share her favorite candy with Nana and Papa so they could see what all the fuss was about. Judging from her expression, one would think we’d asked her to give up a kidney or sacrifice her life. Eventually she relented, though not without a bit of persuasion.

I suppose we all take some persuading to share some things.

First Ride

Sunday 1 January 2012

The Girl’s first cycling experiences were as a passenger, a constantly-exhorting weight I pulled around in a trailer more or less at the speed she liked. “Faster, Tata!” would soon morph into, “Not so fast, Tata!” While I love her boundlessly, she was sometimes quite an irritating passenger.

Today, the Girl and I took our first father/daughter bike ride: a respectable distance of 2.1 kilometers (1.3 miles) in a nearby park. It took us 28 minutes, meaning we were riding roughly 4.3 km/h (2.7mph). There were a number of reasons for this rather slow tempo, all related to her lack of cycling experience.

Having training wheels makes her dependent on them for balance. Thus, when one loosens a bit and is thus not providing perfect support, L panics.
L is terrified of going downhill. When she gets going too fast, she panics and, instead of putting on brakes, plants both feet firmly — albeit very temporarily — on the ground. The pedals bite her ankles, she almost looses her balance and falls forwards, and the whole thing becomes a gigantic trauma. “You need to use your bakes” I said continuously today.
The Girl doesn’t have the best concept of two-way traffic. Even when she sees someone coming from the opposite direction, she seems oblivious.
She hasn’t mastered braking, so it’s always all or nothing. There is no such thing as coasting on the brakes.
L’s bike is too small for her. Her knees almost touch the handlebars, and her legs are never more than 3/4 extended.
When all of this combines into one experience, it is disaster writ large.

Still, a relatively successful first day out. We’ll start working on our first father/daughter century ride when we get her a new bike this spring.

2011

Saturday 31 December 2011

Twelve wishes for the Girl.

January

The Girl is curious. It’s only natural: all children are, and we only use that curiosity when something kills it.

May you always be fascinated with snow.

February

An early warm spell in late February brought buds and blossoms to trees and bushes, and the Girl was eager to pick the first blossoms. “They’re for Mama,” she explained.

May the beauty of the world always incline your soul to generosity.

March

“I’m an artist,” she explained as she traced her imagination in chalk on the driveway in the early spring. “Don’t tell anyone,” she asked, but it’s hard to keep such a secret, even for her. She’s always drawing and always eager to share her drawings.

May your creativity always be a source of pride for you.

April

A new sandbox brought spring joy.

May you always enjoy getting dirty.

May

During her second camping trip, the Girl found herself having to produce her own entertainment while K and I set up camp. Fortunately, she brought her art supplies.

May your artistic talent always be a source of comfort.

June

Early June. We headed to Hot Springs, North Carolina, to visit friends and attend the Bluff Mountain Festival, a celebration of bluegrass and old timey mountain music. The Girl sat in rapt fascination as the cloggers clicked their rhythms. Soon, when the small plywood dance floor cleared, L ran out to spin and hop and dance.

May traditional music always make you want to dance.

July

A first hot dog. For a girl who always judges food without tasting, trying new foods brings smiles to K’s and my face. It’s such a rarity that it’s photo-worthy.

May you always be willing to try something new.

August

As the temperature soared, we found ourselves at the pool with increasing frequency. It was during this summer that the Girl finally took off the water wings and tried swimming solo. It was during this summer that the Girl, seeing her best friend from school doing it, finally gathered the bravery to shove her face under the water.

May water always bring joy.

September

The Girl has had a refined sense of fashion for some time. Only recently did she begin wearing pants on a semi-regular basis. “I don’t want to look like a boy,” she explained, and she simply adored her dresses.

May you always understand that clothes only highlight out your inner beauty and not the do not contribute to your as a person.Â

October

The games we play. To list them all would be impossible: I simply can’t remember them all.

May you always treasure your imagination.

November

A short trip to visit family in Poland brought a renewed interest in all things Polish. It was a linguistic breakthrough, producing a new willingness to speak the language and a new pride in the Polish side of her being.

May you always take enormous pride in your Polish heritage.

December

The year ended with news that the Girl will soon be Big Sister.

May the excitement you felt at the news of your brother’s coming be the center of your relationship with him.

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