Matching Tracksuits

the girl

Outside Lighting

Sunday 8 December 2019

K and I decided we were going to forego the usual outside decorations this year and try something new. With two trees in the front yard, there seemed to be only one thing to do: transform them into Christmas trees.

“It should be faster than putting up the icicle lighting,” K said.

“Should be,” I agreed.

So while K was running her first open house as a real estate agent, the kids and I set about wrapping some 344 feet of lights (8 lines of 43 feet each) around our crape myrtles.

I wasn’t sure how it would turn out because of the random places we had to string a line from one branch to another, creating a strange horizontal bit in an otherwise verticle orientation.

In the end, I think it turned out fairly well.

“How long did it take?” asked K earlier this evening.

“About as long as the icicle lighting.”

Maybe next year we’ll do both…or neither.

Signing

Tuesday 19 November 2019

The Girl joined her first club volleyball team this week. She’s with nine other girls on a team for girls aged 14 and under. There’s also a team for 13 and under. Why the 14s? I like to think it was because of some skills the coaches saw.

It’s quite a commitment for us, though. We’ll be traveling to tournaments throughout the southeast. This means the price of the season of club play (a four-figure number) gets additional augmentation with travel costs.

I bring this up not to complain but to compare it to other countries, where such clubs are subsidized through tax funding. The cost of travel might still be there, but there’s not that initial, up-front cost. “Well, you pay for it with taxes,” someone might counter. True, but I think the development of a country’s youth is a far better way to spend tax money than some of the ways we spend our tax money.

Halloween Preparation

Wednesday 30 October 2019

L baked cupcakes for the party we’ll be going to tomorrow evening.

The Boy and I made the jack-o-lantern.

Then the kids played Go Fish, even during a bathroom break…

Free Monday

Monday 28 October 2019

Today was a teacher workday, one of three that we are able to take off without worry. Exchange days, they’re called. If we’ve gone to meetings and such after school, we use those hours toward the time we would have ordinarily spent in school. I didn’t have those hours, so I took a personal day.

E and I spent the morning working on the large tree that had fallen in the drainage ditch — which we call a creek — that runs behind our house. I knew that if we didn’t, the first big rain storm would cause flooding.

I didn’t realize how much of the tree was under brush and vines that I’m assuming it took down with itself as it fell. We cleared all that away so we could get to the tree, and we cut and removed as much as we could with just two of us.

E is of an age that he actually is starting to be helpful. I can pull on a large tangle of vines and have him cut the critical vines that are keeping everything locked and immobile. He can bring tools to me, help pull things up out of creekbeds, offer helpful commentary on the whole process.

Once we got that done and ate some lunch, we spent the afternoon at Denver Downs — fun with hay, ropes, and corn…

Looking for a Place

Friday 25 October 2019

Everyone is looking for a place. I see it every day as a teacher of eighth-graders who try on different roles throughout the year and toy with various career goals as the months roll by. Today, we tried to help them a bit by providing a career day — probably close to fifty professionals came in to talk to kids about what their jobs entail, what they require, how they’re rewarding, how they’re frustrating. A little bit of everything.

We guided our homeroom classes through three sessions, and my homeroom’s second session was with a police detective. It quickly stopped being about potential jobs and transformed into a “… ever … ?” session. Have you ever shot someone? (No, but I’ve pointed my gun at someone.) Do criminals ever leave notes like in movies? (No, but we’ve investigated some guy who was harassing females by leaving weird notes under their windshield wipers.) Have you ever been in a car chase? (Yes, but he was intoxicated and our top speed was 38 miles per hour.) Do you ever question people in those rooms with the windows that look like a mirror? (No, our interrogation room has cameras, and any officer in the building can watch the interrogation from his or her computer.) The vet and waterworks specialist didn’t get a third of the questions.

The Girl is looking for her own place as well, specifically a place to improve her volleyball skills in the off-season. We as parents thought this would be fairly simple; we thought she’d get into any club she tried out for. After all, she played for her school, which went undefeated and won the final championship tournament. She’ll have her pick. So why waste time trying out for more than one? We never thought about the obvious: clubs that have their regulars will choose their regulars over newcomers. And so this afternoon, I got an email:

Thank you for attending tryouts for X’s 2019-20 club season. We had a record number of players trying out this year, so unfortunately we were not able to place everyone on a team. We are sorry to say that your daughter has not been selected for a X team.

I sent it to K. She texted back the obvious: “She’ll be devastated.” And she was. And we felt like terrible parents because we didn’t do the research, didn’t do the thinking. “And now all the other teams have finished tryouts — what are we going to do?”

I was angry because I thought, “If she doesn’t have the requisite skills, how is she going to get them if you don’t let her on your freaking team?!”

It turned out, though, that two teams had make-up tryouts. One was at six this evening. We learned this at 5:05. So off we went.

The club owner said at the end that every girl will get some kind of offer: “If your daughter wants to play volleyball, wants to learn volleyball, we want to help.” Already, I liked the team.

Tuesday

Tuesday 22 October 2019

Today’s the last day of the first quarter. It’s been the same as every year: I feel like the first quarter is dragging and suddenly, we have a couple of weeks left. Once that feeling of the year speeding by settles in, I feel like the year goes by in a blink. We’re in that period of work-break-work-break that always makes the first semester seem shorter than the second. In a few days, we have two days for fall break. Then we have three weeks before Thanksgiving. That’s followed by another three weeks before Christmas. And then a few more breaks in January and February before everything dries up and we’re all dying for any kind of break at all. March and April seem endless. And it’s just October and I’m already thinking about the end of the year…

That means the Girl’s birthday is approaching — officially a teenager, with all the joys and challenges (i.e., challenges to authority) that entails. And all the changes in relationships that entails — the pulling away that I know is coming, is already manifesting itself, that I worry is something I’m doing wrong while simultaneously reassuring myself that it’s normal behavior for this age, that I acted like that at this age, that my parents and I survived it as will the Girl, K, and I (and E — don’t forget about the effect it has on him) will live through it.

Still, I find myself thinking, “How can it be ten years ago that she looked like this? It just feels like a couple…”

Braces

Monday 14 October 2019

The Girl got braces today. She wasn’t happy. Neither was our bank account. But such is life for us all…

Family Sunday

Sunday 13 October 2019

It was a dreary, rainy day today, but none of the adults were complaining. Far from it: it’s been so long since we’ve had any rain that I wouldn’t have minded if it rained all day long. But E was sad: we’d planned on going to the zoo since the morning because, according to the forecast, the rain was supposed to stop after lunch. It didn’t, so we didn’t.

Instead, we stayed inside and played Peanut Butter and X — can’t remember the other half. Maybe cabbage? It’s basically the card game BS. It’s a silly game that a seven-year-old can understand, though he doesn’t understand the nuance.

“Now I have to lie!” he proclaimed at one point.

“Now we know that you don’t have what you’re going to say you have,” L laughed.

“Now don’t give him a hard time,” I chided.

“Now I don’t want to play!” E fussed.

We talked him down from his frustration and continued, even managing to make it fun again.

Afterward, I decided it was about time to teach L how to play hearts. We played an open hand with three people so I could show them how to play, but I was doubtful from the outset that the Boy would be able to keep up.

In the evening, we expanded our circle, playing a full game (i.e., four people) by adding K and Papa to the mix. After four hands, we were all virtually tied. Probably the perfect way to end.

Perfection

Thursday 10 October 2019

Lena’s team went undefeated this year, including winning the championship tournament tonight.

Tooth Fairy

Wednesday 18 September 2019

“What should I do with my tooth?” the Girl asked. She’s had to have three baby teeth pulled because they just weren’t coming out correctly. This last one was the final to come out before she gets her braces on, something she’s not really looking forward to.

“Why not put it under your pillow for the Tooth Fairy,” I suggested.

She looked at me, furrowed her brow, screwed up her lips, marched over and said, “Right.”

“Well, why not? Get a little money. She gets another tooth. It’s win-win.”

Again, “Right.”

“What do you mean, ‘Right’?” I tried to keep from smiling, but I could feel the edges of my lips creeping upward.

“I know it was you guys,” she proclaimed.

“Oh, really?”

I’ve been waiting for this conversation for years now, wondering when she would admit that she knew K and I were the Tooth Fairy and Santa.

“Yes, I saw you!”

“And how do you know it wasn’t the Tooth Fairy. She could be a shapeshifter.” I was wondering if she would come back with, “Those don’t exist, either!” but instead, she just insisted again that she’d seen me.

Then the bombshell: “E doesn’t even believe in Santa!”

Last Swim

Sunday 15 September 2019

Our kids have grown up swimming in the pool at Nana’s and Papa’s condo complex. More often than not, we were the only ones there, and the kids really came to think of it as a private pool for us. “Oh, someone’s here,” was the common moan when we pulled up to find that someone from the complex was already there. In all the years we’ve been going there, I can think of exactly one time when it seemed crowded: at most, there were half a dozen other swimmers there every other time.

From 2013

Most often, Nana and Papa would meet us at the pool, and we would try to entertain them by entertaining ourselves. Lately, though, say in the last two years, Nana and Papa made it less and less frequently. With the problems she had with polymyalgia rheumatica, Nana had greater and greater difficulty walking, and they came less and less frequently. And then Nana passed away, and all the changes that came with that…

Now we’re getting ready to sell the condo, and so this season will be our last season swimming there. Which meant today was our last day swimming there.

It’s not the loss of the pool that has drawn me into a thoughtful mood but what it means — the end of an era of our lives. Nana’s passing was, of course, the most significant, the most painful, but since then, the door to that era has remained slightly open. The apartment was still there, still filled with furniture, dishes, clothes, and all the memories attached. After the estate sale, most of the furniture was gone. A few trips to a local charity and almost everything else is gone. The apartment is empty except for a large dresser that Nana and Papa bought in 1979 from a family in the apartment complex where we lived. They were going through a split up and everything had to go.

In 1979, I was six, so this dresser was a constant presence in my life, the one piece of furniture connected to the time when I was E’s age. We’ve been trying to sell it for ages. We’ve dropped the price again and again until it’s now almost free, and still no one is interested.

That seems somehow sadly appropriate. Who wants someone else’s 40-year-old memories?

Through all this, though, we kept going to that pool this summer. Somehow I was unconsciously thinking, perhaps, that continuing ritual kept everything from changing for good.

From 2012

I guess what it is, is simple: that pool represents my kids as kids. It will bookend a period when they were both kids, for L at nearly 13 is no longer a little kid. She’s nearly as tall as K, and her interests are maturing to match: she’s started watching Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix because so many of her friends have been watching it, and she wants to keep up with them. When we go to the store, she’s asking to buy makeup instead of toys. The thought of going to Starbucks for some iced coffee drink nonsense thrills her. Our Daddy-L time is no longer playing with this or that but practicing volleyball. She’s getting braces soon and will likely not find boys disgusting for very much longer.

It’s all inevitable, but that doesn’t make it any less bittersweet.

Afternoon at Conestee

Sunday 8 September 2019

The Boy has been begging us for family time. I must admit: he’s sometimes the driving force that finally pushes K and me to plan some time for the four of us together. He really wants us to take a bike ride together, but right now, my back wheel has a broken spoke, and the Girl is not the easiest person in the world to convince to go on a ride. So we settled for a walk in our favorite local park.

We took a long line for the dog and let her play in the river. She’s gone from being terrified by the water to loving it. Well, maybe not quite loving it: She doesn’t really like actually swimming, but she does enjoy splashing about.

The Girl managed to get Clover to realize, at least for today, that when she tangles her leash around a tree, she just has to go the opposite way to unwrap the leash. A simple thing, and yet not so simple.

Winning, Losing, and Soccer Practice

Tuesday 3 September 2019

The Boy headed over to his young soccer team with a nonchalant gait that suggested ambivalence.

“Run, E,” I said. “Show some enthusiasm.”

He broke into his power stride: he slams his feet down in short strides and rocks his whole upper body back and forth. It’s not a particularly efficient gait, and I’ve tried several times to help him improve it.

“Slamming your feet down quickly doesn’t help you run faster,” I once explained. “In fact, it really has the opposite effect.” We practied a better step together, but anytime he wants really to run, he reverts back to his jerky, stomping gait.

I suppose his thinking is logical in a way: to run full speed, you have to put all your energy into your run. What more obvious way is there of accomplishing this than expending massive amounts of energy in slamming your feet down?

So he was running across the field toward the circle of players while I retrieved my folding chair from the trunk. I closed it, looked up, and saw E sprawled on the ground, his arms out at his side, his feet still traveling upward as he rocked ever so slightly onto his upper body from the momentum of the running and falling.

I sighed.

The Boy has such a time with his self-confidence. He’s keenly aware that he’s slower than a lot of his peers; he’s quite cogniscient of the fact that he’s far from the most aggressive player on the soccer field; he knows he doesn’t play any number of sports as well as his friends. The only thing he feels truly comfortable and confident doing is riding his bike with me.

I couldn’t tell what happened in the end. He just got up and continued over to the group, but I don’t know if anyone said anything, but I don’t think that’s even necessary: we’re perfectly capable of feeling we’ve made a fool of ourselves without anyone saying a word.

The question was, should I say something?

There was a part of me that wanted to talk to him, wanted to reassure him, wanted to make sure he was okay, that his ego hadn’t taken too big of a hit. Yet there was another part that felt I should just let it go. Bringing it up later might not do anything positive, I thought.

In the end, I just let it go. He never said anything about it, and it seemed like the coach was giving him a little extra dose of praise later — perhaps thinking the same thing I was and trying to give that confidence a little boost? I don’t know. I didn’t talk to him about it either.

It’s that fine line — when to step in and when to back off — that I suppose every parent tries to find in every situation.

When we got back home, the Girl was asleep: she’d just finished a volleyball game and had been fighting a sniffle for most of the day. “Just let her sleep a while,” K said, and so we did.

“How was the game?” I asked.

It turned out that L’s team didn’t just beat the other team; they completely demolished them. “I’m not sure the other team had a total of 25 points in both sets combined,” K said sympathetically.

The coach of the other team had come out and told the audience that they were a young and inexperienced team. “Please give them all the support you can,” she said.

I’m not sure how I feel about that. In a way, that’s like saying, “We know we’re about to get our asses handed to us, but cheer for them anyway.” It’s a tacit admission of what’s about to happen. And yet what’s wrong with that? Isn’t that really just knowing one’s own limitations?

In my own brief coaching career, I got reprimanded by a parent when, after a player on our team, watching the other team warm-up, declared, “We’re going to lose! There’s no doubt,” I replied with, “Yes, you certainly are.” Dramatic pause. “If that’s how you see it, that’s exactly what’s going to happen.” I continued by pointing out that they’d given up before they even started, and nothing good ever comes of that.

“Well, I think you could have been more encouraging,” the mother said.

Perhaps. By that time, the girls had lost not only every single match but every single set. We won one set the entire year and lost every single match. I’d been trying to encourage them, but I suppose it wasn’t enough — not for the girls, not for this particular mother, not for any of them.

It was my one and only season of volleyball coaching. Fortunately, I have a lot more seasons of parenting to get it right.