siblings

Mikołaj 2016

There are times when it seems the Girl’s frustration with the Boy is simply going to overwhelm her, take over her mind, body, and soul. “E!” she cries out, stretching his name into a several-second yelp. When she’s talking to her cousin in Poland, she can be positively cruel, trying to shove him out of her room so she can have “peace and quiet.” When he gets into her Legos, it’s as if he’s managed to snag a Ming dynasty vase and is attempting to juggle it.

Of course he can give it as well as he gets it, and sometimes the Girl comes and complains that E is being mean. “Well, he’s only following your example: you taught him how to do that,” K and I remind her.

Some days, it’s like playing Whack-a-Mole: one gets calmed down just as the other decides it’s about time for a little provocation. Reverse and repeat. Reverse and repeat. Reverse and repeat.

When they’re in such a mood, it brings out the worst in them in another respect, too: they become the worst tattle-tales. I guess this is just another form of provocation, though.

Watching them in these moments, it might be hard to see the love they have for each other, especially when L’s all worked up. But it’s there, strong and bright and clear. Most clearly, it comes from E, who’s not afraid to show his love and admiration for his older sister. She is everything to him, and he imitates her as much as he imitates K and me.

The Girl shows it in little surprising ways. This morning, “Polish Christmas” as they call it, she was up first. That in itself is a rarity. Still, there she was the first one up, with a little prodding. She had the first meeting of Battle of the Books this morning, and she had to be at school a little early — with chorus, that means early starts Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday for the foreseeable future. It’s always hard to get her out of bed, but I thought I had the silver bullet today: “Mikołaj came — I think he left you something.” I expect her to bolt upright and start asking, “Where? Where? Where?” with a crazed expression. It would be a typical L action in many ways. Instead, she simply answered that she wanted to open her present with E.

“He’s still asleep,” I explained, thinking that would put an end to it all.

“Okay, I’ll wait.”

It was worth it.

L led E to his presents and celebrated with what Mikołaj brought him. (The prized present: a light and siren set to turn his bike into a “police vehicle” as he explained it.) Then she demanded that he lead her, with her eyes closed, back to her room to check out her presents. (The prized present: a new pair of pajamas emblazoned with L’s morning mantra: “Five more minutes!”)

In the evening, it was time for more holiday preparation: Saturday’s a big smoking day for me, and we put around twenty-five pounds of pork loin in a brine to get it ready. The Boy, who’s always wanting to cook, helped out. I taught him how to test the brine (“It should taste as salty as the ocean,” I explained) and then spit it out.

Of course the spitting into a pot was the highlight. He was not at all disappointed that we didn’t have the salt level correct the first time and had to keep adding and testing, adding and testing.

Afterward, a little work on the couch together.

What did Mikołaj bring K and me? This beautiful day.

Wondering

I’m out mowing, mid-morning. The Girl, who is taking care of E, sticks her head out the door and says, “E was wondering if we could have some of those peanut butter-filled pretzels.”

Sure.

I can just see our two-year-old son sitting on the couch, watching his favorite cartoon, The Littlest Pet Shop (no coercion there), and turning to L to say, “You know, I’m just a little hungry. Know what I’d like? Some of those peanut-butter-filled pretzel thingies. And you know, Daddy’s just right outside there, mowing the front yard. Maybe you could just, I don’t know, stick your head out the door and ask him. I mean, we could try to get it ourselves, but I think we’d probably be better off if we ask permission.”

Yes, that’s probably how it happened.

Monopolizing

With one child, it was easier to make sure that we spread our time evenly. L had a monopoly. We played games with her, talked to her, cuddled with her. With her and only her.

When E came along, we warned her that things would change, that she’d have to share: time, attention, resources. Not love. Somehow that spread effortlessly, but the signs of love, the signs of love for a seven-year-old, anyway.

But with the Boy deep in his afternoon nap on a Wednesday afternoon, it’s time for a bit of that old monopoly.

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Morning Memories

Of our two children, the Boy, perhaps not surprisingly, is always the first to wake. His usual time, left to himself, is around 7:00. If we’re lucky on the weekend, he might sleep until a little closer to eight, but he also likes to get up around five just for a change. Still, no matter what, he wakes earlier than L nine times out of ten. And so we do the logical thing: we change his diaper, dress him,  and take him into the Girl’s room and ploop him beside her.

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His reaction is now always the same: he looks for L’s nighttime sippy cup. He’s begun using a sippy cup — adorned with illustrations from Cars — and he likes to help himself to L’s princess sippy cup.

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Eventually the Girl wakes up, usually quite glad to see the Boy. The giggles, tickling, and general silliness begin, and so everyone starts the day with a smile.

A perfect start to the day.

Entertaining

With some help, the Boy can now sit. He casts his eyes here and there, his attention drawn to this sound or that motion, and his arms or legs are constantly in motion. It seems like it would be a good match for the hyper Girl.

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They sit together, banging anything and everything, both delighted with the racket.

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The difference comes later, when the Boy has a moment alone and sits silently, almost contemplatively, for a seemingly impossible length of time. The Girl wouldn’t last three seconds.