memory

Books in the Basement

petuniaIn the process of reorganizing the basement storage/work room, K and I have been tearing open boxes that have sat virtually untouched for years. Most of it consists of my own belongings, packed up while I lived in Poland in the late 1990s (eventually repacked into sturdy Rubber Maid storage bins). My parents moved, and instead of making the decisions for me, they left it to me, ten years later, to go through the stuff and toss out that which was once treasure but now trash. Granted, I could have done it earlier, but I lacked the serious motivation. Who wants to root around through old boxes of memories?

I had cracked the box that I knew contained my photographs. Eventually, when I moved back to Poland in the early 2000s and dumped on them all my earthly possessions collected in Boston and Polska, the box grew to contain pictures from close to thirty years of my life. It was a strong incentive, and I’d gone through that box several times.

The rest of the boxes remained packed, essentially for close to fifteen years. This was the week that I opened them.

The vast majority were books and toys from my own childhood that my mother had saved. Most of them were in remarkably good shape, especially the books. Not a spot of mold; not a hint of mildewy age.most-bradfield-lion

I found a Harriet the Spy tour location tour on Flickr while writing this — well worth the time of any fans.

And so I took some time to go through books from my childhood, most of which I hadn’t held in my hands for at least twenty-five years. A look at the title and I remember almost everything: plot, illustration style with specific illustrations, and even my favorite parts. Petunia, the Sweet Pickles series, Benjamin Dilley’s Lavender Lion, stacks of Tell-A-Tale books–and so many other books I didn’t even remember having until I pulled them from the box. Near the bottom, late-childhood favorites hid: Harriet the Spy, a book on real, scary sea monsters, a book on tornadoes.

There were few specific memories about the books. Instead, it was general feelings, peaceful feelings. Calm.

I pulled several out to give to L.

harrietHer collection grows, and her eyes always light up when she gets a new book.

She takes books everywhere: she wants them by her as she plays; she wants them in the car with her; she wants one when on the potty. All of these are negotiable. The non-negotiable is the bedtime book. Usually her pick. That night, though, I chose: Petunia.

“Poor Petunia. Poor animals.” L mutters sympathetically when the firecrackers go off, scattering and injuring the animals.

I’m doing more than passing down books; I’m sharing memories in the most direct way, by recreating them.

Ties

Growing up in a conservative church, I wore a tie every single weekend. (Every Saturday, in fact, not Sunday, but that’s an entirely different story.) And in my teens, in the late 80’s, it was critical that they not be just any ties. They had to be fashionable, which means today, they’re dated.

When we moved to Asheville years ago, I found all my ties among the clothes I’d packed away ages before. What a flood of memories those silly ties brought back.

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They were narrow, that was the most important thing. I would look through Dad’s ties, admitting that some of them had appealing designs, but they were wide enough to rival aircraft carriers.

While they had to be narrow, though, the pattern had to be fresh.

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And “fresh” is almost never “timeless.”

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My pièce de résistance, though, was my white leather tie. Probably not even two fingers wide, it was a classy statement all in itself.

After we found them and I took some pictures, we dumped them off at Goodwill. If there’s any justice in the fashion world (and there isn’t — only trends), they’re still sitting there.

Sunday Thoughts

Another day spent in the confines of my protective apartment. As it rained all day (surprise!) and I had no one to visit (another shocker!), I stayed in. I did my planning for tomorrow; finished The Reivers; finished a couple of letters. Fairly uneventful day . . .

I am remembering Pensacola—all the times I was there (three was it? or four?). That is a lovely town, especially during the fall when it’s not so crowded and it’s not so hot. That feast (when I bought Automatic for the People, to which I am of course listening) was the last time Heather and I were really all that close. And of course there was that silly flingh with Joanna. (Driving back with Heather, listening to Automatic for the first time—that was a nice day and an equally nice evening. Dinner at Olive Garden—chatting like “old times.” The air was brisk but not cold that night; the sky was very clear. The promise of intimacy with Joanna; the air blowing through the open van windows—it was a good time.)

I am doing this entirely too often. I keep saying, “I must get out and meet people,” but I never do anything about it. “It’s these little things, they can pull you under . . .” Memories are not “little things” for me though—they really take up too much time, more time than is healthy, anyway. Maybe that’s why i keep a journal. Maybe that’s why I’m not keeping one is one of the most horrible things I can imagine. It’s just a way of wandering through memories—is that all it is?

How much time do I spend in this damn chair, remembering? I feel so helpless to do anything else. How do I meet people here? Go to the bar? To church? What!? I’ll talk to Roy about it . . .