Matching Tracksuits

After an excruciating class with 4a, though, and a less-than-stellar class with 4c, I had class 3b/b — undoubtedly my favorite group in the whole school. I wrote on the board “respectful,” “hard-working,” and “polite” and had three students look these up. I told them, “There are some students and some classes who are not respectful, hard-working, or polite.” Some of them started to get big-eyed, like Ela and Dorota, but I continued, “But you are not one of them,” and they started to smile. “I would like to thank you for being such respectful, hard-working, and polite students.” I didn’t say it, but I wish I’d added something like, “You make me really love my job, and it’s because of classes like yours that I came back to Lipnica.”

Today I had the unfortunate but all-too-frequent experience of having my schedule changed at the last minute. No — today was a first. It wasn’t at the last minute. I was ten minutes into my lesson when [a teacher] came in and apologetically took away my whole class. There was some guest speaker and so they were whisked away for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. When did they know about it? Certainly not just before the woman — a tall, lanky woman who looked to be in her forties but trying to look young and sexy — arrived. I ranted and raved about it for a little while with Danuta, but I’m over it. No sense worrying myself over it, really.

Otherwise classes went well. I had class 4a/a today (I think — Basia D’s group) and I had to pull something out of my ass because they’re one lesson ahead of the other group. I introduced them to the stupid Stinkys and I was shocked at how well they responded. After they’d established that they could talk about anything, as long as it was in English, they just chattered away.

Today was “Circle of English,” so by default it was at least a decent day. We had a brief discussion of Treasure Island, and then we sang a few Christmas carols. They’re going to teach the “circle of music” folks a couple of songs, and they were fairly willing to do so when I mentioned it to them.

Most of my lessons were fairly successful (including a very amusing one with 3a, during which I introduced Mr. and Mrs. Stinky). I had two lessons with 3c: one of them was the usual Wednesday business English lesson.

One of my lessons today was with class 3b, and they are becoming, in some ways, my favorite class. There are a lot of people there (mainly girls, but a few guys) that I really like, and with whom it’s a pleasure to work. Janusz is a sweet kid who has a cute childishness about him. Aśka is, basically, a dream. She’s a pleasant person; she’s a hard worker; she’s intelligent. I really like her. Dorota Z. is quite but always attentive. I never worry about their class because I know I basically have everything under control.

Today in 3a I introduced the Stinkys, as I said, and I was surprised at how well things went. Wiola D. and Stasiek ended up with the socks, but I don’t think that’ll happen often — at least not with Wiola. She seems intent on not getting it next time.

I’ve now been in Lipnica for a week, and I’m surprised at the difference between this week and the week I spent here in May 2000. There was such a hectic feel to it because there was so much I wanted to do, so many people I wanted to see, so much food I wanted to eat. And so that meant very little sleep — at no point did I ever do what I’m doing now, and that’s simply to take it easy, to think, “I could go to Quattro and see a few people, or I could just rest this evening.” At this point, seemingly all the time in the world stretches before me. I know that suddenly it will be Christmas, then suddenly time for the matura, and by then, I’ll know what I’m doing: it’ll either be time to leave for good, or be time to go back to the States for a few weeks.

This evening I read some old journal entries — from June, July, and August 1999 (i.e., my departure from Lipnica) and May 2000 (i.e., my return). It makes me feel really good to think that I did something about all that. I wanted to come back, and I did just that. I have this ever-so-small fear lurking, though, that I’m just putting off the inevitable, that eventually I’ll have to face again the same thing I did in 1999. But for now, that’s so far from my mind, so far from my reality, that it feels like I’m just writing those words because I feel like I should.

One thing I forgot to write about: Tuesday I played volleyball with the teachers and had quite a good time. I played fairly well, and it was an overall rewarding experience. Hopefully, it will be a weekly deal like it was when I was here last. Strangely, though, I played as good or better than I ever had here, and that after two volleyball-less years.

Today I had a fairly good lesson with 4A — no, a great lesson with them. It was fairly boring, I thought: just a bunch of information on the blackboard that I explained and they wrote in their notes. Yet everyone was totally quiet through most of lesson, and they were even attentive. It was such a change from 4C. I’d love to hug them all and say, “Thank you! You make my decision to come back here worth everything I gave up to do so.”

Today I went to Nowy Targ and bought two bottles of contact lens solution (for just under 100 złoty) and a new pair of shoes. I went in a couple of stores, but I ended up just buying a pair from Michał M.

I also stopped by the camera shop where I did my developing. I don’t remember the name of the bloke who works there, but the same guy was there. We chatted for a little, and I asked him about buying a tripod. Big mistake — he recommended me buying something like a Silk tripod, which costs almost 500 złoty. A little too much for a tripod I’ll probably use only a few times here. We’ll see, though.

The really big news, of course, is that today was the first day of school. I can’t say I got the warmest reception from some of the teachers.

The students’ reception more than made up for the teachers. Of course I was expecting the teachers’ apathy, but I was merely hoping for the students’ reaction. After a few words of introduction, Sojka pointed to the teachers and said, basically, “The teachers are the same as last year, with one change. Gary Scott has returned to teach here after two years in Boston,” (though he said a little more than that — I can’t remember exactly) and the whole fourth class just erupted. Cheers, whistling, and smiles. I felt good. No, I felt great.

I’ve spent the whole day in Kamil’s old room. But there’s more. Before it sounds too ridiculously reclusive, I should also point out that I’ve spent the whole day in bed. I can’t understand why, and in some ways I can’t believe I actually did, but such is the case. I woke up around five this morning; finally, unable to sleep, I got out of bed at six, read old journal entries for a hour, then went back to bed. At some point, Karol woke me up to give me the key to the house, but I just fell right back asleep. When I finally woke up again and checked my watch, it was one in the afternoon. I felt a little stupid for having slept that long, and for a moment, I still considered trying to go to Nowy Targ this afternoon, but I realized that it just wasn’t going to happen. I got up and read for a little while (Gulliver’s Travels, which I bought in Warszawa yesterday just before I left), then, feeling cold, went back to bed. I finally dragged my ass out of bed sometime around four twenty. Insane. I’m not sure why I wasn’t able to get out of bed. I was just so freaking exhausted; the thought of stirring at all made me just want to curl up into a tighter ball and go back to sleep.

So, for my arrival: I thought I’d never make it from the train to the van with all my shit. It was so heavy, especially that stupid duffle bag. Still, I made it, only to find that Janusz had come with Bronek (from the gmina) and was in fact looking for me. So I struggled for nothing — I could have easily had a bit of help.

The trip back was uneventful, and a little strange. I felt like I’d never left as soon as we were driving along. Janusz and I chatted a little, but not much. It was a little difficult because I was sitting in the front and he was sitting in the back. I knew that once we got to Quattro that we’d chat up a storm, so I didn’t worry about it, though I did feel a little stupid: he came all that way and I really didn’t talk that much. I just wanted to absorb it all, I guess.

I have almost nothing to write about. I haven’t written in here in about a month, and yet I really have to think hard to figure out what I could possibly write about. I could write about how much I worked this week (50+ hours counting the time I spent there yesterday afternoon), but what’s the point of that? I worked my ass off — I spent more time than I care to think about writing and editing definitions and profiles. It was about Tuesday or Wednesday when I realized that the terms for Theme 2 hadn’t been taken care of, so I had to add about 400 hits to Britannica.com’s counter.

I had class Wednesday, and I got back my mid-term before class. Embarrassing what I wrote — I can’t believe how carried away I got. “Less passion and more analysis,” he wrote as his final comment. Which was a just criticism, certainly. Despite all that, I got an A- on it. So I might actually make an A for the course — rather, an A-. And here I am, thinking about dropping the whole thing. In fact, I’ve more or less decided to hold off for at least a semester (if that’s permissible). I’m finding myself thinking, “What’s the point of getting a degree when I won’t be able to find a job with it afterwards?” I spend lots of time — until I’m in my early-mid thirties, at least — and tons of money for what? An advanced degree that qualifies me for one thing: university position. Or content editor with DLG.

I got some mail this week, from Edyta as well as a letter from Bogusia and Lidka jointly — i po polsku. Anyway, about Edyta. I’ve finally stopped thinking about her so damn much. I still have these crazy “what-if” thoughts run through my head, but not nearly so much. And I’m wondering now whether I’ll say a single thing about it to her when I see her this summer.

The letter from Bogusia and Lidka was sweet. They wrote, “Bardzo si cieszymy, że pryjeziesz na wakacje do Lipnicy i obiecujemy, że zrobimy wszystko aby się z Tobą spotkać.” They wrote about how difficult their practice matura was, concluding, “Mamy tylko nadzieję, że prawdziwa będzie trochę łatwiejsza.” I hope they do well on their English matura — that’s the one I’m primarily interested in, of course, but I also realize that the teacher administering the exam will be nice. Of course I’m sure Adam will be there, but he’ll have his head up his ass and he won’t have the slightest clue what’s going on.

Speaking of Danuta, I guess I owe her a letter now that I think about it. I should jot something on the way to work tomorrow if possible.

One other thing from their letter: “. . . to po nas pierwszy zdarzy o nam się korespondowa z nauczycielem, z którem mogłyby my rozmawiać jak z koegą.” That’s exactly what I was trying to achieve there — a sense of trust. I knew I succeeded, but it’s nice to get confirmation like that od czasu do czasu. They also “informed” the whole class that I’ll be coming and they’ve all essentially promised to do what they can to meet me. I’ll have to send a letter soon informing folks, “I will be at Żurek on 2 July 2000, and I expect everyone to be there!” That might not be the best place to meet everyone, though. Perhaps I could set up something else. We’ll see.

An utterly boring evening I fear. The same old shit — watch movies, cook dinner. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I played cribbage online with Charles today. He beat me the first two games (including a second-game skunk), but I came back and took three in a row to win the match. It was a lot of fun to chat with him.

At some point I said something about winter break and he said that they’d been back in school for a week. And that practice matura is coming up soon. I mentioned that Danuta’s probably thrilled about that. “Adam doesn’t do anything and this will just add to her already-frantic workload.” There was some short exchange, and somehow I indicated that he’s fairly lazy or something. Anyway, he said something about him probably sitting in the teachers’ room drinking until ten minutes after the bell rings. I said that I didn’t really know from first-hand experience (obviously) but that Danuta had told me that he usually waits until all the teachers leave the teachers room before he leaves. Charles then asked me for his phone number.

“It’s the same as mine, I guess.”

“But I can’t remember it,” he responded.

I gave it to him, then asked, “Why do you want it, if I might be so nosy?”

“I’m going to call him and ‘gently’ encourage him to fulfill his responsibilities and stop making Americans look bad.”

“Well,” I replied, “He’s certainly not making Americans look bad in the other teachers’ eyes. According to Danuta they all like him much more than they liked me. Of course they didn’t like me at all, so that’s not saying much.”

He really didn’t say anything more to that. It’s not like Charles to talk about people, but I would honestly love to rant to him — he takes his job seriously and I think he’d understand my frustration with Adam.

Last night we watched Doc Hollywood — I’d forgotten the premise: New guy in small town spends a lot of time there; feels he’s making a difference; many people there like him and want him to stay; when it’s time to leave, he does so with a heavy heart; once back in his “home,” he can’t seem to get the little hamlet (deliberately cheesy word choice) out of his mind. Sound familiar? It fortuantely didn’t get me too stupidly sentimental about Lipnica.

I received another surprise Friday: a letter from Krystyna Jasiura of IIA (last year’s IA, of course). It was all in Polish — her first letter wasn’t. Regarding this, she wrote, “Czy mogłabym pisa do Pana po polsku, bo wiem, że jak piszę po angielsku to robię dużo będów i Pan się może denerwuje czytając list z takimi bądami.” I guess I feel the same way when I write in Polish. Still, it’s not like I won’t understand; nor will I think any less of anyone for writing me a letter full of mistakes.

However, that wasn’t really the interesting thing. Earlier in the letter she wrote, “Naprawada jestem Panu ogromnie wdzięczna za to, że mi Pan odpisał, bo przyznam, że w to wątpiłam. Myślałam, że Pan już o mnie zapomniał.” It got me to thinking about Adam — I think it could very well happen with him, since he doesn’t even know their names now. Yet with me, it seems completely absurd to think that I could possibly forget about these kids.

All the same, the most interesting — and something I’m not sure how I’ll respond to: “W klasie Pana wspomniajłi chcieliby, żeby Pan wróci do Lipnicy i znów nas uczyę. Zna Pan może osobiście naszego nowego pana od j. angielskiego? Jeżli to co pan o nim myśli?”

First of all, it makes me feel wonderful that “W klasie Pana wspomniajłi chcieliby, żeby Pan wróci do Lipnicy i znów nas uczyę.” They want me to come back! Of course that’s impossible, but what a feeling it gives me! (Of course with such an idiot as Adam as their teacher, that seems inevitable.)

Second, she wants to know what I think of A. How do I answer that? “Nie znam go osobiście, ale mogę powiedzieć to: nie słyszałem niczego dobrego o nim.” That’s about the most straightforward answer I can give, but I don’t know if I want to say such a thing. I could say more, of course. “Słyszałem, że on jeście nie wie waszego imion.” Or better still, “Słyszałem, że on jest głupy dupek kto myśli tylko o siebie.” Of course the key phrase in all that is, “Słyszałem, że . . .” I don’t want to go around spreading rumors, but I would simply love to pass judgment. That’s only human, I guess. I’m pissed with the asshole for taking advantage of everyone there (the kids, Danuta, Korpus Pokoju), and I want to strike back I guess.

Of course I could say, rightly so, “Ktoś mi powiedział, że on już nie wie waszego imi.” That’s a little better, I guess. It’s still problematic, though. I’m still basically gossiping.

Yet another calendar year away from Poland. This is the first calendar year in five that I haven’t spent at least some time in Poland. Of course I’m a little sad, but not quite like I was. I might even be “getting over” this nonsense. Naturally that’s a bit of a lie, because I still think of Lipnica, that sense of complete fulfillment I experienced sometimes, and I still wonder whether I’ll ever feel that way again. At this moment, if I could, I would go back. And yet I sit here, thinking about all the nasty thing about the work — the boring planning, the Sunday nights not having any idea what I’d be doing the next day, and I think, “It wasn’t all shiny, happy days.” And I understand once again that all I miss is the interaction with the kids (primarily), feeling that I was contributing to their lives in some meager way. I miss seeing kids smile in class — especially when it wasn’t just be being stupid for silliness’ sake, but because I was being silly while teaching something. Like what Krystyna remembered, I guess.

The funny thing is, I don’t even really remember much about that lesson. I remember plenty of other lessons — the safe-sex lesson with class IV, “guest lecturing” in class IIC, line-reading exercises. That’s another thing I miss, too, I guess — the unexpected good lesson.

I got a zaproszenie to class IV’s bal studniókowy on 22 January. If I were living alone and had no responsibilities other than to pay for my way through the world, I would go, I think. Seven hundred dollars for a couple of days? Maybe I wouldn’t after all, but I’d certainly love to. I’d love to see their faces when I walked in — that would be the best part.

I actually got a lot of mail while I was in Christiansburg, mainly Christmas cards. Still, it’s true what they (who?) say about the thought. I’m just happy that they thought of me, that they remember me. Krystyna said that they would never forget me, and asked that I not forget either, and so maybe I’ll be getting Christmas cards from them for a while.

I guess it’s true about never knowing the impact one has had on others, and what makes it difficult to be back is that I know I’m no longer making an impact. I guess I never really knew how I was affecting folks’ lives while I was there, but I was fairly sure that I was having some impact. (Halina’s unexpected letter is perfect evidence of that, I guess. I had no idea that she was sitting there thinking, “I want to be like that when I grow up.”) Here I’m fairly certain that I’m doing nothing for much of anyone.

One of the things I got (rather, Chhavi and I received) was a letter from Danuta in England. It’s good that she was able to get away from Lipnica for a while. She said that things in the staff room are worse than ever — they’re gossiping about others when they’re in the same room, whispering about each other at the end of the table. Agata and Ramzes were a topic for a while, and Danuta told Agata but they decided not to do anything about it. Adam is a lazy ass as usual. She said that she can’t trust him in any sense whatsoever. When students come to her during consultation, they ask her endless questions about what he was supposed to have covered. And she said that there’s no chance of him leaving or getting kicked out because he likes it there. He doesn’t talk to anyone; he doesn’t even know the students’ name; his favorite lesson is babysitting; he’s doing nothing — why he likes it there, I don’t know. Gravy train, I suppose — he doesn’t have to do anything and he’ll get paid for it. I really should thank him when I get there. “You’ve really done so much to make me look like an incredible teacher! You show how bad things can be while I showed them how good things can be. You showed them that I’m an exceptional teacher! Thanks.”