It’s the day before Christmas and all through the house, I’m bored senseless. I really have no idea what I’m going to do to pass the remainder of this holiday. I should go somewhere — rather, I should have gone somewhere, for it’s a little late now. But the question is always, “Where?” And the related, “With whom?” So I plan on sitting in my apartment, passing the time somehow, doing something — alone.

Last night Kamil and I went out for a beer. We talked about the possibility of having a party at my place New Year’s Eve, but I don’t know that that’s going to work out. We don’t know who can come, and the biggest problem couched within that dilemma is, “What about women!?” We have no idea if we can get any women to come to this and if not, it could be decidedly boring. If this doesn’t work out, I don’t know what I’ll do. The thought that I might spend New Year’s Eve alone, holed up in my apartment, looms with a gloomy certainty which I’d rather not think about.

I have spent an incredible amount of time alone in the past eighteen months. In a sense it has been very nice, but enough is enough, really. I’m tired of being alone all the time. It really does get old after a while. Yet I see no alternatives. I don’t want to go hang out with drunks in the bars, and that seems to be my only option. I could invite people over, but whom would I ask? It’s the same problem I’ve been mulling over ever since I first arrived in Lipnica. There’s just not a hell of a lot to do in this place.

What will it be like when Chhavi is here? I’ve a feeling we’ll get into a few arguments because she’ll want to be doing something and I’ve gotten accustomed to doing nothing. I do want to travel on the weekends, but not every weekend — we couldn’t afford it to begin with. I really don’t know. I think she realizes the potential boredom and that’s why she wants to get a job in Warszawa or Kraków. Yet what’s the point of staying in Poland if I go somewhere else to teach? The only reason I want to stay here rather than trying to get some kind of job back in the States is that I want to work with my students for another year. I’ve pointed this out a thousand times, both to myself and to her — we both realize and understand it.

My apartment is ridiculously messy — I’m going to clean.