I've been catching up on old videos I never compiled...
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#10 — Existence and Value
Illusions about the things of this world do not concern their existence, but their value.
Keeping a proper perspective about the value of the things around us — the everyday things in our lives, the this and that which are so much more than merely this and that — is probably made both easier and more difficult by the simple fact of having a family. Children and a spouse create routine, and routine risks monotony.
Therein lies the danger.
Saturday morning — breakfast, Skyping with Dziadek and Babcia, taking L to ballet, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, planning for the next week of school, correcting this or that assignment. This mix of truly the meaningful with the truly mundane risks making it all seem mundane.
Therein lines the illusion.
Weil is speaking the illusion that makes actions of inherent evil seem good in some circumstances, but the reverse is equally likely, and probably equally dangerous.
Not Quite Crawling
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For the past week, it's probably appeared that I've neglected this poor little site. To the contrary: I had messed around a little too much with my .htaccess file and the result was, well, less than stellar.
#9 — Sin and Favor
I should look upon every sin I have committed as a favor of God.
It happens more often than I would really like to admit: the stumble, the trip, the knee to the ground. It’s never been something I would have thought to be thankful for. More often than not, stumbling into sin lands in humiliation of one sort or another, and humiliation is not something we usually look forward to or like to dwell on. Still, there’s a certain ageless wisdom in what Weil writes:
I should look upon every sin I have committed as a favor of God. It is a favor that the essential imperfection which is hidden in my depths should have been to some extent made clear to me on a certain day, at a certain time, in certain circumstances. I wish and implore that my imperfection my be wholly revealed to me in so far as human thought is capable of grasping it. Not in order that it may be cured but, even if it should not be cured, in order that I may know the truth.
Mistakes, sins, errors all mark progress.
#8 — Feeling Good About Oneself
Dear Terrence,
A brief respite from Weil, inspired by a few things in school from the last few days. It's an appropriate supplement to yesterday's post.
What are some of the things about yourself, about your life, about your future that make you feel good about yourself? What are the things in your life that are sources of pride? When you're down, feeling a little low about yourself, what do you think about to remind yourself that you're valuable, that you're worth something? In short, what can you do to give your self-esteem a quick fix?
I have many sources of pride in my life. Most immediately, I'm proud of my family: my wife and my children make me feel like I am truly a valuable person. Other things I take pride in are my job (as a teacher, my job is essentially to help people), my time overseas (an experience that was as challenging as it was rewarding), and the respect and admiration of my colleagues (something I've worked hard to develop). When I'm feeling upset about something, I can think about or interact with these elements of my life, and I feel a little better as a result.
Occasionally, one of these very elements of my life leaves me upset. A bad day at school, an argument with my wife, an unsuccessful interaction with my daughter: all of these things can leave me a bit down, feeling a little less valuable, a little less important. Those moments are tricky, because I'm feeling bad about something which usually causes me to feel good.
That is the case today, because today you showed me, in no uncertain terms, that the best way for you to get your fix, the best way for you to feel better about yourself is to make someone else miserable through mocking, teasing, taunting, threatening, and seemingly countless other forms of bullying. It's depressing to think of what your victim is going through, but it's almost more tragic to think of what you're screaming at the top of your lungs with those actions.
- "I have no self-esteem!"
- "I look inside myself and I see little of any beauty."
- "I feel horrible about myself!"
- "I hate myself."
- "I'm so afraid of what others will see if they look closely at me that I will do everything I can to deflect attention to someone else."
- "I am terrible."
- "I look inside myself and I see nothing -- nothing -- of any value."
- "I am dumb."
- "I am ugly."
None of these things are true. You're not dumb, ugly, terrible, or worthless.
You're not any of these things, and you don't have to try to make others feel they are just so you can feel equal. Pulling someone down is impossible: you can only pull yourself down. Or up.
You're not any of these things, and insulting, threatening, and belittling others does not raise you up in everyone's eyes. It lowers you.
You're not any of these things because you're a human being, full of dignity and deserving respect. Perhaps you've not gotten enough dignity and respect yourself from others around you. But does it really help you feel better to pass that pain on to others?
Concerned and in defense of others,
Your teacher
#7 — Authority and Legitimacy
Obedience to a man whose authority is not illuminated by legitimacy -- that is a nightmare.
As a teacher, I think often about authority and legitimacy, and the simple fact that if I lack one, I lack the other. The problem with legitimacy, though, is that many of my students come with different definitions of what legitimacy looks like. I might just have two strikes against me from the beginning -- two, or more. When our differing definitions collide, someone often ends up losing. Win-win is a lovely idea, but sometimes, it's just not practical. Sometimes, the option seems taken before the situation even reaches a full head.
When I read Weil's suggestion that authority without legitimacy is a nightmare, I realize that, from time to time, my classroom must be a nightmare for these students. It's a difficult thought to accept.
#6 — Skipped
And how did I do that? How did I skip a day? How did I not realize this until twenty-four hours later?
#5 — The Source of Action
To transfer the source of our actions outside ourselves
Motivation is everything. An evil act can be mitigated, somewhat, when we realize the motivation of the act, though a purely evil act can never lead to a pure good. The opposite, of course, is also certainly true: many a good act has been tainted by a less than pure motive.
Weil’s aphorism seems to be one sure way to make sure our motives are as pure as possible. If the source of our actions is outside ourselves — whether in God or man — it seems less likely that we’ll be doing the right things for the wrong reasons.