Apparently, there are four sinus cavities.

And while that’s three more than I was aware of, they are obviously of a limited volume. Today, though, with the Boy sneezing constantly, they seem more like they’re portals to dimensions in which mucus is the dominant substance. In that dimension, scientists are trying to understand the ever-expanding nature of mucus, its uncanny ability to reproduce seemingly ex nihilo.

Fortunately, Babies ‘R’ Us provides the solution: a small battery-powered vacuum with nostril-sized tip and lovely clear reservoir that sucks. Literally. Graco, the manufacturer, was also kind enough to design in a little electronic distraction: the push of a second button turns the little snot sucker into a music box vacuum.

And so we fall into a routine:

1. Sneeze
2. Grimace at the strands of snot hanging from the nose
3. Grimace at the approaching Snot Sucker
4. Realize what the Snot Sucker is doing
5. Relax

And of course repeat…