matching tracksuits

fun in threes, sometimes fours

the boy

Tuesday

Tuesday 17 September 2019 | 0 Comments

After all day at school yesterday, I was not all that eager to head back this morning. I left yesterday morning at 7:15 in the morning; I returned home at 8:00 in the evening. At 7:15 I was leaving again. "I feel like it should be Wednesday, " K, who had just as long a day, said this morning as I art the tea to steep and she prepared everyone's lunch. "More like Thursday," I thought.

The day as almost always flew by. With my planning periods at the start of the day, my five classes pop by one after the other. Soon I'm picking up the Boy, and then we're off to soccer practice.

In a way, there's nothing special about the day. The trick to a life well-loved is to find the special in such tiring days.

Last Swim

Sunday 15 September 2019 | 0 Comments

Our kids have grown up swimming in the pool at Nana's and Papa's condo complex. More often than not, we were the only ones there, and the kids really came to think of it as a private pool for us. "Oh, someone's here," was the common moan when we pulled up to find that someone from the complex was already there. In all the years we've been going there, I can think of exactly one time when it seemed crowded: at most, there were half a dozen other swimmers there every other time.

From 2013

Most often, Nana and Papa would meet us at the pool, and we would try to entertain them by entertaining ourselves. Lately, though, say in the last two years, Nana and Papa made it less and less frequently. With the problems she had with polymyalgia rheumatica, Nana had greater and greater difficulty walking, and they came less and less frequently. And then Nana passed away, and all the changes that came with that...

Now we're getting ready to sell the condo, and so this season will be our last season swimming there. Which meant today was our last day swimming there.

It's not the loss of the pool that has drawn me into a thoughtful mood but what it means -- the end of an era of our lives. Nana's passing was, of course, the most significant, the most painful, but since then, the door to that era has remained slightly open. The apartment was still there, still filled with furniture, dishes, clothes, and all the memories attached. After the estate sale, most of the furniture was gone. A few trips to a local charity and almost everything else is gone. The apartment is empty except for a large dresser that Nana and Papa bought in 1979 from a family in the apartment complex where we lived. They were going through a split up and everything had to go.

In 1979, I was six, so this dresser was a constant presence in my life, the one piece of furniture connected to the time when I was E's age. We've been trying to sell it for ages. We've dropped the price again and again until it's now almost free, and still no one is interested.

That seems somehow sadly appropriate. Who wants someone else's 40-year-old memories?

Through all this, though, we kept going to that pool this summer. Somehow I was unconsciously thinking, perhaps, that continuing ritual kept everything from changing for good.

From 2012

I guess what it is, is simple: that pool represents my kids as kids. It will bookend a period when they were both kids, for L at nearly 13 is no longer a little kid. She's nearly as tall as K, and her interests are maturing to match: she's started watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix because so many of her friends have been watching it, and she wants to keep up with them. When we go to the store, she's asking to buy makeup instead of toys. The thought of going to Starbucks for some iced coffee drink nonsense thrills her. Our Daddy-L time is no longer playing with this or that but practicing volleyball. She's getting braces soon and will likely not find boys disgusting for very much longer.

It's all inevitable, but that doesn't make it any less bittersweet.

Train Show

Saturday 14 September 2019 | 0 Comments

“We’ll just go in for a little,” the Boy insisted.

“Ten seconds for each thing.” He’d been reluctant to go to the train show. Why? I have no idea.

We were there for considerably longer.

Afternoon at Conestee

Sunday 08 September 2019 | 0 Comments

The Boy has been begging us for family time. I must admit: he's sometimes the driving force that finally pushes K and me to plan some time for the four of us together. He really wants us to take a bike ride together, but right now, my back wheel has a broken spoke, and the Girl is not the easiest person in the world to convince to go on a ride. So we settled for a walk in our favorite local park.

We took a long line for the dog and let her play in the river. She's gone from being terrified by the water to loving it. Well, maybe not quite loving it: She doesn't really like actually swimming, but she does enjoy splashing about.

The Girl managed to get Clover to realize, at least for today, that when she tangles her leash around a tree, she just has to go the opposite way to unwrap the leash. A simple thing, and yet not so simple.

Winning, Losing, and Soccer Practice

Tuesday 03 September 2019 | 0 Comments

The Boy headed over to his young soccer team with a nonchalant gait that suggested ambivalence.

"Run, E," I said. "Show some enthusiasm."

He broke into his power stride: he slams his feet down in short strides and rocks his whole upper body back and forth. It's not a particularly efficient gait, and I've tried several times to help him improve it.

"Slamming your feet down quickly doesn't help you run faster," I once explained. "In fact, it really has the opposite effect." We practied a better step together, but anytime he wants really to run, he reverts back to his jerky, stomping gait.

I suppose his thinking is logical in a way: to run full speed, you have to put all your energy into your run. What more obvious way is there of accomplishing this than expending massive amounts of energy in slamming your feet down?

So he was running across the field toward the circle of players while I retrieved my folding chair from the trunk. I closed it, looked up, and saw E sprawled on the ground, his arms out at his side, his feet still traveling upward as he rocked ever so slightly onto his upper body from the momentum of the running and falling.

I sighed.

The Boy has such a time with his self-confidence. He's keenly aware that he's slower than a lot of his peers; he's quite cogniscient of the fact that he's far from the most aggressive player on the soccer field; he knows he doesn't play any number of sports as well as his friends. The only thing he feels truly comfortable and confident doing is riding his bike with me.

I couldn't tell what happened in the end. He just got up and continued over to the group, but I don't know if anyone said anything, but I don't think that's even necessary: we're perfectly capable of feeling we've made a fool of ourselves without anyone saying a word.

The question was, should I say something?

There was a part of me that wanted to talk to him, wanted to reassure him, wanted to make sure he was okay, that his ego hadn't taken too big of a hit. Yet there was another part that felt I should just let it go. Bringing it up later might not do anything positive, I thought.

In the end, I just let it go. He never said anything about it, and it seemed like the coach was giving him a little extra dose of praise later -- perhaps thinking the same thing I was and trying to give that confidence a little boost? I don't know. I didn't talk to him about it either.

It's that fine line -- when to step in and when to back off -- that I suppose every parent tries to find in every situation.

When we got back home, the Girl was asleep: she'd just finished a volleyball game and had been fighting a sniffle for most of the day. "Just let her sleep a while," K said, and so we did.

"How was the game?" I asked.

It turned out that L's team didn't just beat the other team; they completely demolished them. "I'm not sure the other team had a total of 25 points in both sets combined," K said sympathetically.

The coach of the other team had come out and told the audience that they were a young and inexperienced team. "Please give them all the support you can," she said.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. In a way, that's like saying, "We know we're about to get our asses handed to us, but cheer for them anyway." It's a tacit admission of what's about to happen. And yet what's wrong with that? Isn't that really just knowing one's own limitations?

In my own brief coaching career, I got reprimanded by a parent when, after a player on our team, watching the other team warm-up, declared, "We're going to lose! There's no doubt," I replied with, "Yes, you certainly are." Dramatic pause. "If that's how you see it, that's exactly what's going to happen." I continued by pointing out that they'd given up before they even started, and nothing good ever comes of that.

"Well, I think you could have been more encouraging," the mother said.

Perhaps. By that time, the girls had lost not only every single match but every single set. We won one set the entire year and lost every single match. I'd been trying to encourage them, but I suppose it wasn't enough -- not for the girls, not for this particular mother, not for any of them.

It was my one and only season of volleyball coaching. Fortunately, I have a lot more seasons of parenting to get it right.

Sunday Afternoon

Sunday 25 August 2019 | 0 Comments

Sometimes, all the kids really need is a little attention. L won't often admit it, but of course, she does -- we all need it. The Boy, though, will just ask for it.

"Daddy, can we have some E-Daddy time this afternoon?"

Today, we got out the birthday bb gun and began shooting at our normal target: a magnolia tree in the middle of our yard with a lot of trees and undergrowth in the area across the creek to stop any stray rounds and the nearest house a few hundred feet away. Today, though, we began shooting at other things: Clover's ball (an old volleyball that she's stripped bare), which moved a little every time we hit it; the Boy's old dump truck, which, made of metal, returned a satisfying ping every time we hit it.

Afterward, a bit of swinging while I snapped pictures and kicked the ball for the dog.

Another perfect Sunday afternoon.

First Day 2019

Tuesday 20 August 2019 | 0 Comments

The Girl started seventh grade today, the Boy began second grade. The Boy, in his multi-age classroom, is now an “older friend” as opposed to a “younger friend.” “I know my teachers,” he explained when I asked why he was so confident about going to second grade. There’s a lot to be said for the continuity of having the same teachers for a couple of years.

The Girl starts algebra this year, and she’s on the school volleyball team, and she makes her own breakfast and packs her own lunch. Our little girl is no more; she’s a young lady, looking more and more like her maternal grandmother every day.

I began, I believe, my 20th or 21st year of teaching. I could count it up, I suppose, but what’s the point? More or less is more or less enough. Taking all I’ve learned from teaching, I began all classes with very little worry, very little concern: I know what works for an opening day; I know what doesn’t work. I filled the day with the former and successfully avoided even a hint of the latter. The kids are sufficiently assured that I can be as tough as I need to be and adequately convinced that my class can even be — dare I say it — amusing and fun at times.

Final Sunday

Sunday 11 August 2019 | 0 Comments

The last Sunday before I head back to school; the kids have one more week.

Thus ends summer 2019.

Lake Jocassee 2019

Thursday 08 August 2019 | 0 Comments

Just a little over a year ago, we went camping for the first time at Lake Jocassee -- not our first visit, but our first time camping there -- and we knew that we would have to go back. Again. And again. This year, we returned, taking our same camp site -- our beloved Site 20 -- and going to the same places, doing the same things. With one difference: K, finishing up a course, stayed home.

"I can study better for the final without you all anyway," she rationalized, but of course we all wanted her to go with us as much as she wanted to be there.

Still, it created a new dynamic as I explored an adventure with the Boy and the Girl. There's a difference in fun in threes that makes us rely on each other a little more and realize -- for the millionth time -- just how much K brings to our family.

For one thing, we're much more relaxed about getting started in the morning. If it were not for K, I don't think we'd get half the things done we usually get done. K is the early riser in the family, and even when we're on vacation, she makes sure we're up and eating at a decent out, out for our first adventure, ready for our second well before lunch. Without her, we managed breakfast by 9:00, usually making it to the water an hour later as we went to get ice for the cooler, to drop off the trash, and to accomplish various meaningless tasks.

Part of that might have been the inability to split tasks due to having only one adult present, but honestly, we just got up a lot later than we would have earlier.

It's tempting to say that everything else was the same, but how could it be? Everyone's a year older, a year wiser. The Boy made a friend and spend a good bit of time on his own with his friend J, in sight but most decidedly independent. The Girl floated out to an isolated area and lived in her own world at times. The Dog wanted -- actually begged -- to get in the water.

The next day was more of the same, but with a major change: the rock we discovered last year that was simply a lovely spot to go and watch the sunrise and do some fishing, became a jumping platform. The Girl, seeing me and others do it, leapt into the water without much hesitation at all. The Boy? Well, J his new friend was there, jumping off with abandon. The Boy didn't wait: off he went after a quick check to make sure I was in the water to help him if needed.

L’s Return

Tuesday 30 July 2019 | 0 Comments

E and I had a chat about L’s return. He was so very excited — and not even once in those conversations did he ever talk about what she was bringing him. “I hope we don’t start fussing again,” he said.

“Well, that really depends on you,” I explained.

When we got home, the Girl went pretty much straight to bed. Played with Clover, played with Elsa, then went to bed.