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poland xii

Arrival in D.C.

Sunday 2 June 1996

From Washington National to this chair in the hotel room has been quite a trip. My bag (suitcase) was ripped on the flight over and the replacement is large enough to accommodate a small townhouse. Everything shifted immediately to the bottom and its bulkiness makes it difficult to carry. The Metro trip to the hotel was truly a nightmare. The whole experience was horrific.

I find that I’m doing better with each passing moment. I am still spending a lot of time alone, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing – I am finally getting to write in here. When I first got into the hotel room I felt like crap. I called my folks in tears simply because I was so overwhelmed. A hug would have been nice.

Departure

Saturday 1 June 1996

I don’t know what to write – I don’t know what to feel. I’ve been shoved to this moment by a force more powerful than anything I’ve ever encountered. It seems time was jerked from me like a tablecloth yanked from a table. It’s been so sudden that I don’t believe I’ve even begun to deal with the emotions. What I’m about to do still feels as unreal to me as the landscape far beneath me.

Yet as I leave, as I finally get under way, a calm has settled in. The most difficult part is over. I cannot turn back now even if I wanted to. With that finality is an almost perverse security. Now that I can no longer cling, I no longer reach. Of course this is just the eye in the first of many emotional storms I’ll face. I suppose part of it is simply the beauty of flying – it’s difficult to be upset up here.

Work Woes

Wednesday 22 May 1996

I was going to write in here last night but the computer locked up twice, so I decided it really wasn’t worth loosing the sleep over, especially today. I have to work a double. But that’s not the bad thing: I have to stay through the afternoon and close tonight. Of course there’s a chance that I would get sent home early, except for the fact that I’m already scheduled to close. That is absolutely ridiculous. I’m not exactly sure what that wonderful Linda was thinking when she made the schedule (and apparently she’s doing all the schedules now), but it certainly didn’t include anyone’s convenience. I think I might have to work a double tomorrow as well. Kim has to close four of the five nights she works. That’s ridiculous!

I’m not sure what they’re going to do about servers. They lose them faster than they hire them. They hired a whole batch of people a couple of weeks ago and I don’t think a single person stayed. If it keeps happening I would think that management would take a look at its own tactics and see if it’s doing something to drive people away. They’ve certainly driven me away — if I wasn’t already leaving I would be out looking for a new job.

I haven’t written that much about the two corporate people who have come to help us “sort things out.” Linda is a stunningly beautiful woman who seems to have the warmth of a dead fish. John is an interesting character who smacks as he eats. I’m not too fond of either of them, but I don’t dislike them at all. I have fairly neutral feelings about them both. Both of them seem somewhat inflexible, but I suppose they realize the same thing a new teacher would does: It’s easier to start out tight and loosen up than to start out loose and tighten up.

I talked to the Central Europe desk about a packing list yesterday — they’re mailing out the Welcome to Poland packets this afternoon and I should have mine by Friday. It includes an introduction to Polish and some information about the country. With less than four weeks to go I am really starting to get excited. […]

I am so dreading work today. I walk into that place and I’m struck with boredom, depression, and anger. It is so frequently completely dead that one has plenty of time to mediate on all the time he’s spending there. In the next thirty-six hours I’ll probably be there twenty of them. I certainly won’t have any time today to do anything except work that that hell-hole. I’m wondering if she’s scheduled Daniel and Pam to work over as well? If so, I’m going to get my little butt out of having to stay over and close. I get angry just thinking about what I have to do today. That is about the worst think I can imagine: spending a day at Uno’s. What fun!

I overheard an interesting exchange between two older men at the YMCA yesterday. One of them was saying something about Adam and Eve, and I think he was trying to say that everything is created for the benefit of man. Whether that be the case, it prompted me to thinking. From the creation myth in Genesis it does seem that all things are created for the man, but on closer inspection, one could give an interesting feminist reading to the passage. God created all the universe out of nothing — ex nihilo…except man. He created Adam from the dust of the earth, something that had already created. Then he took a rib from Adam and created Eve. It’s interesting that Adam is made of and from dirt but Eve is made of flesh, though she will return to dirt because of the very nature of flesh. The point is simple: God made a man out of mud but made a woman out of something a little less primitive. Naturally, that is a twentieth-century reading, and when applied to such an ancient text it cannot yield any legitimate exegetical fruits (that sounds pompous). Still, it does make for an interesting observation.

Nearing Departure

Friday 10 May 1996

Things are set: On Saturday 1 June at 8:30 a.m. I’ll leave Tri-Cities for Charlotte where I’ll stay for about two hours before I leave for Washington, arriving in the capitol at 11:00 a.m. No one will be there to meet me at the airport, so I’ll have to get a taxi or something I guess. The registration begins at 2:00 and goes until around 3:30 — I believe we can register anytime in that hour and a half, so I might head out and explore for a while, though I’m not sure it would be the greatest idea. We have meetings until 6:30, at which time I suppose we’re free for the evening.

In three weeks I’m leaving. Am I the biggest fool on the face of the earth? What the hell am I doing? It’s going to be the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, and it will also be the most rewarding thing I’ve ever experienced. In the meantime I’ve got a lot of things to do: people to see, things to buy, issues to clear up. I’ll be busy, to say the least.

Also included in the packet was a guide to luggage restrictions. I might have to check in my pack instead of taking it as carry-on luggage. The carry-on baggage is very small in volume and it can only weight eleven pounds. That will restrict my packing ability a great deal. I’ll probably have to get my parents to send the guitar at a later date.

I’m feeling quite dead. I have nothing to say. I’ve dried up, as if I think nothing whatsoever. I can’t stand this. I have had so much to write about in the past, and now I am empty. Is it because of the Peace Corps? Am I simply so overwhelmed that I can’t find the words to express the feelings? The problem is that I don’t feel anything. I’m just biding my time, waiting for the tremendous reality of what I’m about to do to come thundering down around me. It’s overwhelming, to say the least, and yet I don’t feel overwhelmed that often. It’s a strange experience, a strange emotion (or lack thereof).