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Fitting the Pieces

Dear E,

I wish I could tell you that life is like the puzzle you struggled with today, that there are a few missing parts and with a little trial and error, you can figure out where they fit. Life is a puzzle, but it's more like the puzzle "Dalmatains," with a mass of similarly patterened pieces that seem almost impossibly random.

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You'll struggle at times to make the slightest bit of progress, only to find yourself wondering if perhaps you didn't force a piece here or there after all. "Maybe they don't fit quite that snuggly," you'll say to yourself as you plod off to bed one night.

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But rest assured, there is a bigger picture, it is accessible (if not difficult), and it is beautiful.

Your Dad

Saturday at the Pool

Our first day at the pool this year as a family, but alas, the Boy, still recovering from some upper respitory infection, cannot get into the water.

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Instead, he stays with Nana and Papa, forever pointing to the pool, forever needing distracting. It's so unfair, so inexplicable: everyone else takes turns in the water, and the poor Boy is stuck.

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For the Girl, it's a continuation from last year: more development, more courage -- diving, diving, forever diving. With a new set of flippers, she's able to get deeper faster.

"But Tata, it hurts my ears to go that deep."

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She also adds a new trick or two, like diving into the water through the ring.

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"Perhaps I could try that," I suggest.

"I've got to get the camera for that," K replies.

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"I didn't think you'd make it," she replies with a smile.

Monopolies

"Daddy, will you play with me?" It's a common refrain from the Girl when we're home alone, just the three of us, and the Boy is down for his nap. And lately, the answer to my question "What would you like to play?" is itself a question: "Can we play a board game?"

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It's an opportunity to see how much the Girl has really matured in the last year. We play Sorry; she loses -- no tears. We play Monopoly Junior; she wins -- no hysterics.

I find my own attitudes towards these games are vastly different, though. Sorry depends a great deal on chance, but there's a bit of strategy involved. You draw a seven and you have to think of how best to split those seven moves between two pawns. You draw a "Sorry!" card and you have to determine which is the best piece of your opponent to replace, and it has to be a balance between what helps you the most and what hurts your opponent the most.

Monolopy Junior, though, is pure chance. Roll the dice; move the piece; buy the property (which in Junior involves merely buying a ticket booth -- looks like a regular Monolopy house -- and putting it on the square) or pay the owner. Mixed among the typical Chance cards are cards that allow a player to get a free ticket booth, which can entitle the player in some instances to confiscate the opponent's existing booth. It's a frustratingly random game, and I often find myself relieved as I start hemorrhaging money and the end approaches.

Yet boring as it is for me, I play with the Girl whenever she asks. As a husband and father, I no longer have a monopoly on my own time or interests.

Mistakes

“Tata, will you fix this for me?” She has in her hand two walkie-talkies that she got for Christmas or a birthday. “I think the battery is dead.”

“Will you fix this?” Words that at the time warm and terrify. It’s my job, in a way, this “fixing.” Most fixing is nothing more than re-stringing a toy guitar or gluing a broken bit of plastic. But it’s fixing, and that makes me a bit of a hero to L. Yet I can’t fix everything for her all the time. She will have to learn to fix things for herself.

“No, but I’ll help you.” She hands me the walkie-talkie. “You’ll have to open this. Do you know what you’ll use?”

“Yes.”

“What is it?”

“ÅšrubokrÄ™t.”

“And what’s that in English?”

“I don’t know.”

We head to the basement, and I show her the screwdrivers, teaching her the word in English.

“Which one do you think you’ll use?” She looks at the screw and points to a Phillips screwdriver.

“What’s this called?” I tell her. “And this one?” she continues, indicating a small straight slot screwdriver. I tell her.

Through a short bit of trial-and-error experimentation, we find the appropriate screwdriver and open the battery compartment to find a nine-volt battery. I show her how to pop off the connectors, then replace them so she can do it.

“I’ll go check to see if we have this type of battery,” she informs me, returning with two AA batteries.

“We don’t have this type of battery, but maybe these will work.”

Of course they won’t. Only throught some very serious scheming could we get this to work. There’s simply no easy way, perhaps — I don’t know much about batteries and electronics — no way at all.

Still, it’s better for her to figure it out on her own.

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She squeezes, pushes, grunts — it’s no use.

“Maybe when we go to the store today, we can get one of these batteries,” she finally concludes, as does the lesson.

Dolina Chochołowska

It was a daunting prospect from the start: two little girls not really accustomed to strenuous activity, a nine-kilometer hike that was always slightly inclined and sometimes quite steep, and an un-Polish-ly hot sun. It was an outing I'd been keeping in the back of my mind from the beginning of our visit: a hike up Dolina Chochołowska (Chochołowska Valley) to Polana Chochołowska (Chochołowska Glade).

Dolina Chochołowska is one of several tourist routes that promises a relatively easy walk for most everyone. Much of the lovely path, which winds along a mountain stream most of the way, is paved, and there are alternatives to walking for those who don't feel up to it. It's a long walk, in other words, but it's entirely possible for two little girls to make it up the whole path on their own. Indeed, families make the walk pushing strollers, and I saw one man with arms the size of trees rolling up in a wheel chair. In other words, it's accessible.

Not to mention beautiful. Most of the path runs just beside a stream, and cliffs jut out on either side of the valley, which is nestled in a coniferous forest. The stream today served as a constant distraction to the tiring walk: the girls wanted to scramble among the rocks along the bank at every possible occasion, and given the fact that I wanted the outing to be truly fun and not just an exercise in, well, exercise, I let them head to the stream whenever they wanted. They pretended to rescue stranded fish, save threatened turtles, and plan bridges and dams.

Along the way, we met a few people who use the stream for more practical purposes. We happened across Mr. Andrzej, a shepherd who was fetching a wooden bucket of water for drinking and adding water for rinsing clothes in a second, plastic bucket. He runs a bacówka, a small hut in which shepherds sleep and make the incredibly delicious local smoked cheese, oscypek. His bacówka is right on the tourist path, so he gets a lot of business and brings his whole family to help. His wife was waiting impatiently for him at the door but he paused long enough to talk to us a moment and let us take a picture.

As we continued up, though, the girls started to tire. "How much longer do we have to walk?" they asked. I knew it was quite a long way to go, so I used the bribe I'd been saving for just that moment: "If you guys can make it all the way up to the shelter at the end of the path without complaining, we'll take carriage back down." Instant change in mood. And an instantly new topic for discussion: what type of horse would we like to pull our carriage?

And so we continued, up, up and up. The paved road ended and the dirt road began. The dirt path ended and the steep stone-paved path began. Up. Up. Up.

It was at this point that we caught up to the young man in the wheel chair. He was struggling up the side of the stone, itself a challenge with rocks of various sizes providing a constant additional challenge to the climb. I mentioned this to the girls, not in a harsh, didactic way, but as a way both to remind them of how blessed they are and to point out the strength of some people. "Be thankful and ever grateful that you have legs that can tire, that can hurt and burn."

But still, nine kilometers -- that's a long way for a six- and seven-year-old. They made a brave effort to put up a strong face, but I could tell: they were getting exhausted.

Finally, the sign: twenty-five minutes to go.

I knew what awaited them. K and I once rode our bikes from Jablonka to Dolina Chochołowska. I knew it was an incredibly beautiful glade, often with sheep grazing, their bells adding a tinny soundtrack to the view. Once we arrived, we sat in the shade for a while, drank some water, and prepared ourselves for the final climb to a small chapel at the base of the tree line.

From there, we could look out at both directions of the valley, toward the Tatra Mountains towering before us and back at the valley we'd just passed through.

I wish I could say they stood in awe of the beauty. I wish I could say they suggested we sit and just soak in the view. I wish I could say they were left speechless. But they had other things on their minds, a second bribe: ice cream at the shelter.

So we headed back down to the base of the glade, grabbed a little snack, and talked about how utterly exhausted they were. 

They clearly weren't the only ones tired. Polish domestic tourism is so much different from its American counterpart. In North Carolina, you can drive all the way up to the summit of Mount Mitchell, the highest point in the state. In Poland, such an idea would be profane. Either you walk up, ride a bike up, or hire a horse-drawn carriage. Your car stays behind, as it should.

As we started back down, I thought about how easy bedtime promised to be tonight. "You girls look so tired that I bet we won't even have to read to you tonight," I laughed, and they both agreed.

"But remember, Wujek," S reminded me, "we're taking a carriage back to the bottom."

And so we set off looking for a carriage. The first one we found was already hired. "Busy," he literally said in Polish when I asked him how much a trip back down the valley would cost.

"Where can we find an available carriage?" I asked. He pointed down the valley: "You'll just have to walk down and look for one."

We continued down, and I started to wonder what the reaction would be if we couldn't find one. The gentleman didn't seem to indicate that there was any particular place where free carriages gather, waiting for passengers.

"You know," I said, preparing the girls, "we might not find one."

"And then what?"

"And then we'd have to walk all the way back down."

The reaction: "Okay." A surprise -- they're growing up, I thought.

But thankfully, we find one only a few minutes later. The girls raced ahead to ask if he was free. After a few seconds, L turned and raced back up to me. "He's available! He's available! He's available! He's available!" I knew then that, no matter the cost (though I wasn't expecting an exorbitant price), I would be hiring the gentleman.

"How much to the bottom of the valley?" I asked.

He'd been chatting with the girls, an older man probably approaching his mid-sixties. He looked at the girls with a smile, then said, "Eighty zloty." About twenty-five dollars -- a steal, I thought.

So we climbed in, and the girls immediately asked if one of them could sit beside the driver.

"Certainly, but only one."

"Oh heavens," I thought, "here it comes. 'Me first! Me first!' 'No, me first!' 'No, me first!' 'No, me first!'" Sure enough, S and L on cue: "Me first!" Almost reading my mind, the driver said, "Well, why don't you ride first and then we'll switch?"

Clearly, this gentleman had had much experience with eager young riders.

As we drove down, it was as if we were in Cinderella's carriage: everyone cleared out of the way, many stopped briefly and glanced at us -- just as we'd done during our ascent.

We passed other carriages and the drivers called out to each other. And all the while, L sat in the back, patiently waiting.

And about mid-way, the driver stopped, the girls switched to the drivers gentle reminders: "Slowly. Slowly" He shook the reins, called out to the horse, and we were on our way again.

When the dirt path stopped, so did we, leaving us about another three kilometers to walk. But there was the river, the blessed bribe that kept them entertained and moving. They started a new game: patting their wet hands on rocks, they claimed them for their own. I stood and watched, wondering how long it would take for the rocks to dry, for the traces of our visit to disappear.

The irony of it all: we were vacationing, taking a break from our every day realities with thousands of other tourists, and all around us, people lived their own work-day realities. And it wasn't just the cheese mongers and carriage drivers and bike rental attendants. Loggers pulled their freshly cut trees from out of the forest, giving us all a glimpse of what real work looks like.

But in the end, we all left together, the loggers, the cyclists, the mothers pushing strollers, the brave little girls.

The marks they left on the rocks disappeared before we'd made it much more than a few dozen steps; the marks left on their souls will hopefully last much longer.

Tears at the End

"Why are you smiling, Mr. S?" they ask tearfully, as if to say, "How could you possibly be smiling at this moment? How could you treat our pain so cavalierly? Don't you have a heart?"

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I'm smiling because it's good to see such obvious signs of close friendship. I'm smiling because the crying gives me a bit more faith in humanity.

E’s First Birthday Party

Almost three weeks have passed since the Boy turned one. Three weeks of postponing a party because of illness, because of Memorial Day, because of whatever. So the party is not just a year in the making; it’s a year and three crucial weeks in the making.

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We’d planned an outdoor party with games for the kids to correspond with Dzien Dziecka in Poland. A simple plan: potato sack race, water balloon toss, foot race, egg race, and other outdoor favorites starting around three in the afternoon. Afterward, an early dinner and cake.

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All outside. I mean, we have a dual-level deck, a carport (that actually used to be a screened patio), and a fairly abundant yard.

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It was a week of beautiful weather that we spent in school and at work. But this party shone in the near-future as a reward for all our time inside that we really wanted to be out. And then the updated forecast yesterday: good chance of scattered showers.

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By one this afternoon, the chance of showers turned into a certainty of a seemingly-extended downpour. It rained, and rained, and grew drearier and grayer.

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“This is just like our wedding,” I grumbled to K. We’d had a week of glorious weather until the morning of our August wedding, when it began drizzling, then raining, then drizzling, then spitting.

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“It’ll stop,” K reassured.

“No, it won’t. It will be like this all day,” I replied.

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I tend to be a pessimist in such situations. It’s not that I hope to be right; it’s simply that I try to expect the worst so I can be pleasantly surprised if anything brighter emerges.

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As it turned out, we were both right, both wrong.

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It stopped shortly after all the guests arrived.

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We made a quick plan: cake first, then outdoor games if the rain continues to slack.

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After cake, we rushed out, finished the games, and as the last shot flew toward the goal,

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as the last velcro-covered ball floated to the target, the drizzle returned and wen headed back inside.

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Lunch/dinner was a mix of smoked meats, salads, bread — fairly typical Polish fare. The kids picked, the adults ate.

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Meal completed and ice cream served, we moved to the living room for presents.

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It’s an ironic process for a one-year-old. There’s not much unwrapping he can do. And often the packaging is as entertaining as the toy itself. Yet it’s a birthday: part of the highlight is the unwrapping.

Such was the case today.

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The most thoughtful gift: a broom. J, who keeps E during the week, lives just up the street, and she came with her daughter, mother-and-law, and a broom.

“He just loves our broom, and I thought he’d like to have one his own size.”

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But there was no time to play with the broom — and no room, for he likes to swing and sway with it in a most dangerous way when the room is so crowded. Never mind — there was plenty to distract him.

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New toys. semi-new friends. (How much can a one-year-old remember of another toddler he hasn’t seen in ages?)

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The mess afterward was truly enormous. But that’s the sign of a good party, a good mess.

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The rain, though? It returned in full force shortly after we went inside and continued into the evening. The older children resorted to that old-fashioned play technique: creativity and imagination.

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The rain continued, the children cleaned up the mess, the guests returned home (with Nana and Papa staying longer to help with the clean-up), and K and I set about getting the kids in bed.

Not a bad first birthday party. Perhaps when he looks at these pictures, the Boy will remember something, if only the feeling of excitement.

Toddler Translation

I often wonder what E thinks he’s saying.

Sometimes, it’s obvious:

  • Why in the world did you just close the fridge?! Didn’t you see me heading straight toward it?
  • Holy cow, that’s frustrating! Can I get a little help here manipulating this [fill in the blank]?
  • No?! But I want to do that!

Sometimes, who knows? Not even he, I suspect.

End of Year Bash

Silly string, rock climbing, swinging, and general six-year-old chaos. Bethel Bash!

Big Sister

There's a certain point, I think, when an older sister becomes a big sister. It might be soon after the birth of little brother; it might take a few years. Really, it all depends on the age of the sister, I think.

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But at some point, sooner or later, older sisters begin taking on themselves some of the responsibilities of looking after little brother. It might begin with playtime: "L, keep E in your room for a while as I start getting dinner ready" might be a first step.

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That's a relatively easy step. Big sister can half do her own thing, half entertain the Boy. The fact that they're in her room adds a degree of security: she certainly won't let E get into all that much because he has a tendency to mess things up.

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The real transition comes when big sister begins fulfilling some of the lower needs on Maslow's hierarchy.

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These are the responsibilities that aren't just fun. They're not low-engagement responsibilities.

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And when the older sister begins taking on those kinds of little jobs, we say, "Welcome, Big Sister! We've been waiting for you!"