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education and teaching

The New Guy

Tuesday 15 February 2000 | 0 Comments

I received another surprise Friday: a letter from Krystyna Jasiura of IIA (last year’s IA, of course). It was all in Polish — her first letter wasn’t. Regarding this, she wrote, “Czy mogłabym pisa do Pana po polsku, bo wiem, że jak piszę po angielsku to robię dużo będów i Pan się może denerwuje czytając list z takimi bądami.” I guess I feel the same way when I write in Polish. Still, it’s not like I won’t understand; nor will I think any less of anyone for writing me a letter full of mistakes.

However, that wasn’t really the interesting thing. Earlier in the letter she wrote, “Naprawada jestem Panu ogromnie wdzięczna za to, że mi Pan odpisał, bo przyznam, że w to wątpiłam. Myślałam, że Pan już o mnie zapomniał.” It got me to thinking about Adam — I think it could very well happen with him, since he doesn’t even know their names now. Yet with me, it seems completely absurd to think that I could possibly forget about these kids.

All the same, the most interesting — and something I’m not sure how I’ll respond to: “W klasie Pana wspomniajłi chcieliby, żeby Pan wróci do Lipnicy i znów nas uczyę. Zna Pan może osobiście naszego nowego pana od j. angielskiego? Jeżli to co pan o nim myśli?”

First of all, it makes me feel wonderful that “W klasie Pana wspomniajłi chcieliby, żeby Pan wróci do Lipnicy i znów nas uczyę.” They want me to come back! Of course that’s impossible, but what a feeling it gives me! (Of course with such an idiot as Adam as their teacher, that seems inevitable.)

Second, she wants to know what I think of A. How do I answer that? “Nie znam go osobiście, ale mogę powiedzieć to: nie słyszałem niczego dobrego o nim.” That’s about the most straightforward answer I can give, but I don’t know if I want to say such a thing. I could say more, of course. “Słyszałem, że on jeście nie wie waszego imion.” Or better still, “Słyszałem, że on jest głupy dupek kto myśli tylko o siebie.” Of course the key phrase in all that is, “Słyszałem, że . . .” I don’t want to go around spreading rumors, but I would simply love to pass judgment. That’s only human, I guess. I’m pissed with the asshole for taking advantage of everyone there (the kids, Danuta, Korpus Pokoju), and I want to strike back I guess.

Of course I could say, rightly so, “Ktoś mi powiedział, że on już nie wie waszego imi.” That’s a little better, I guess. It’s still problematic, though. I’m still basically gossiping.

Nostalgic Thoughts

Monday 10 January 2000 | 0 Comments

“My old addition,” sings kd lang — the first time I’ve listened to it since coming back to the States, I think. Another one of those songs that I’d sit and listen to while looking out the window at the school, at the EKG treeline, at the shell of a house abandoned by those gone off to “greener pastures” (Didn’t they realize the paradise they had? As if Lipnica really were a paradise.).

It’s funny — I never really longed for America like this. I was happy when 1998 rolled around — the calendar year of my return, I wrote on 1 January 1998 (after the great party with the guys).

Today I spent a lot of time finishing up the silly lists of glossary terms (as well as bios, images, and so on). Robert wasn’t there, but I’m not sure that was such a loss. He wasn’t feeling well Friday and I don’t think he managed to accomplish much in that condition — it probably would have turned out the same way.

I just don’t have that much to write about in my job. When my job was teaching I had tons to write about. Conversations I’d had; teachers’ lack of professionalism; difficulty with Damian; difficulty remembering that Jola was my student; playing basketball with the guys; unbelievable (and disappointing) instances of cheating — and now. Nothing worth writing about, really. So sad.

(Strange realization — it has now been six months since I left Lipnica. A little more than that, but six months definitely. In some ways it has absolutely flown by — disappeared in a flash. The next six months probably won’t be so merciful.)

Another Year Back in the States

Sunday 09 January 2000 | 0 Comments

Yet another calendar year away from Poland. This is the first calendar year in five that I haven’t spent at least some time in Poland. Of course I’m a little sad, but not quite like I was. I might even be “getting over” this nonsense. Naturally that’s a bit of a lie, because I still think of Lipnica, that sense of complete fulfillment I experienced sometimes, and I still wonder whether I’ll ever feel that way again. At this moment, if I could, I would go back. And yet I sit here, thinking about all the nasty thing about the work — the boring planning, the Sunday nights not having any idea what I’d be doing the next day, and I think, “It wasn’t all shiny, happy days.” And I understand once again that all I miss is the interaction with the kids (primarily), feeling that I was contributing to their lives in some meager way. I miss seeing kids smile in class — especially when it wasn’t just be being stupid for silliness’ sake, but because I was being silly while teaching something. Like what Krystyna remembered, I guess.

The funny thing is, I don’t even really remember much about that lesson. I remember plenty of other lessons — the safe-sex lesson with class IV, “guest lecturing” in class IIC, line-reading exercises. That’s another thing I miss, too, I guess — the unexpected good lesson.

I got a zaproszenie to class IV’s bal studniókowy on 22 January. If I were living alone and had no responsibilities other than to pay for my way through the world, I would go, I think. Seven hundred dollars for a couple of days? Maybe I wouldn’t after all, but I’d certainly love to. I’d love to see their faces when I walked in — that would be the best part.

I actually got a lot of mail while I was in Christiansburg, mainly Christmas cards. Still, it’s true what they (who?) say about the thought. I’m just happy that they thought of me, that they remember me. Krystyna said that they would never forget me, and asked that I not forget either, and so maybe I’ll be getting Christmas cards from them for a while.

I guess it’s true about never knowing the impact one has had on others, and what makes it difficult to be back is that I know I’m no longer making an impact. I guess I never really knew how I was affecting folks’ lives while I was there, but I was fairly sure that I was having some impact. (Halina’s unexpected letter is perfect evidence of that, I guess. I had no idea that she was sitting there thinking, “I want to be like that when I grow up.”) Here I’m fairly certain that I’m doing nothing for much of anyone.

One of the things I got (rather, Chhavi and I received) was a letter from Danuta in England. It’s good that she was able to get away from Lipnica for a while. She said that things in the staff room are worse than ever — they’re gossiping about others when they’re in the same room, whispering about each other at the end of the table. Agata and Ramzes were a topic for a while, and Danuta told Agata but they decided not to do anything about it. Adam is a lazy ass as usual. She said that she can’t trust him in any sense whatsoever. When students come to her during consultation, they ask her endless questions about what he was supposed to have covered. And she said that there’s no chance of him leaving or getting kicked out because he likes it there. He doesn’t talk to anyone; he doesn’t even know the students’ name; his favorite lesson is babysitting; he’s doing nothing — why he likes it there, I don’t know. Gravy train, I suppose — he doesn’t have to do anything and he’ll get paid for it. I really should thank him when I get there. “You’ve really done so much to make me look like an incredible teacher! You show how bad things can be while I showed them how good things can be. You showed them that I’m an exceptional teacher! Thanks.”

Long Day

Tuesday 17 November 1998 | 0 Comments

It has been an exhausting day. I had practice maturas from eight to nine, then I came home to do some planning. I taught class IIIA and then had an hour break, so I took the opportunity to run take some pictures in the cemetery while the snow was falling and everything was relatively untouched. I also took a picture off the Mastelas’ bridge – another attempt. Then I rushed back to school to wolf down some lunch and then head off to teach IA and IC, then tried yet another experiment with IVA. I had Anna B. and Monika K. conduct class for a while. It meant that we didn’t cover nearly as much as we should have, but I think it might actually work out if I give them enough time to prepare for their teaching engagement. We’ll see. I want to give them as many opportunities to speak somewhat authentic English as possible. After that Chhavi and I taught dancing for almost an hour. We came home and I had enough time to realize I was really tired before heading off for an hour of basketball. Afterwards I returned home and cooked dinner. So basically I’ve been going for fourteen hours straight without many real breaks.

November Projects

Wednesday 19 November 1997 | 0 Comments

My anal-ity about writing in this every night has certainly disappeared. I really have nothing on my mind to write about tonight, but I thought I’d jot down a few things before going to bed.

I finally sent Jarek the stuff from my presentation next week. It’s good to be done with all of that, but I’m still plagued by those thoughts of, “Do I have enough material to last me forty-five minutes?” It’s just like the worries I have every night as I prepare my lessons, but here it’s a little different: I cannot just fake it without everyone knowing it. I’ll spend some time Sunday (probably more than I anticipate) preparing a little something extra. I’ve been thinking about having an open discussion about lesson planning in general, but to what ends? I can’t really think of where I’d want to lead the discussion, so what’s the point? I’ll do some more thinking on that as well.

Today we had the presentations in IB and they went rather well, I thought. Their projects aren’t quite as elaborate as IA’s or IC’s but they’re good all the same. Their presentations were much more effective because we had each person teach the class two or three new words from their projects and then had a bit of a review after every group had gone.

I think on a whole the projects were very successful. I think the students enjoyed doing them and probably thought it was an original assignment, coming from English teachers. The other teachers have all commented on the projects. (We’re keeping them in the teachers’ room while we grade them.) Everyone says they look nice and that it’s a good idea which should promote learning. I’m really pleased with how everything went. It gave me a nice feeling this afternoon looking at all those projects and think, “Hey – that was my idea.” I came up with a highly effective and educational learning project. Certainly it’s not original, but I thought of it myself with no outside help. I’m quite proud of myself. Ha.

This week has gone by so quickly. The time is just flying. November seems like it just began and it’s almost two-thirds over. Next week will go by rather quickly because I only have two days (because of the IST). Then we have three weeks until Christmas break begins. And then we’ll have just a few weeks before winter break. It’s really going to go by quickly now. And in some ways it can’t go by quickly enough. I have trouble going to sleep sometimes because I keep thinking about my homecoming, and that is happening more and more frequently. Two years stretched before me endlessly – now I’m down to a little over seven months. It’s almost three-fourths over . . .

New Classes

Tuesday 09 September 1997 | 0 Comments

We had the opportunity to meet two of the three first classes today—IA and IC. It turns out that there are not as many students from class VIII that I taught last year as I thought there would. I recognized a few faces, but not many. Strangely enough there are almost as many boys as there are girls in that class. That’s a shock for Lipnica, especially when one considers both second classes and third class. I began talking to them in English and then Danuta gave a few rules and regulations in Polish. I think it will be a good class, but Danuta said it would be a difficult class. “Why?” I asked. “Because they responded much like IIIB always does,” she answered. I pointed out that it’s impossible to judge them from only one short class which had almost no interaction at all.

Class IC is a different story altogether. There are twenty-eight students in that class, and not a single boy. I walked in and said, “Hello girls and girls!” I talked to them in Polish at first to show them that my Polish is not perfect but it is understandable. I made the point that I don’t really worry about my mistakes because if I did, I would never be able to say anything. I said also that they will speak English much like I was speaking Polish. “We’ll speak like children and make a lot of mistakes, but it’s not a bad thing. We [Danuta and I] will never say you’re a bad student because you make mistakes.” I tried to encourage them and show them that making stupid mistakes—even funny mistakes—is to be expected. They were fairly quiet, but I think it was simply from nerves and not really from anything else. I now have the experience of IB last year to remind me that classes that begin with such difficulty often turn out to be the most rewarding.

I had IIIA play “Taboo” today and they were really speaking a lot. I heard more English in those forty-five minutes than I’ve heard in a very long time. I was thrilled, and it seemed that they were actually enjoying it. I really don’t know what I’ll do tomorrow, but I’m not as worried about it now. I realize that they are willing to speak English if they have such tasks that allow them to make their own constructions as they need to.

Planning and Lonliness

Sunday 07 September 1997 | 0 Comments

Part of the problem is loneliness. I haven’t seen anyone today and I don’t know that I will. I’m thinking about going across the street, but what prevents me from doing that is the simple understanding that I still haven’t finished planning for tomorrow. I could say to myself, “You don’t have class until 9:50 tomorrow morning. You can wait and throw something together then.” But that’s exactly what I did last year and where did it get me? What did I accomplish? What did the students learn? How as my sanity? So I want to try to finish writing a lesson plan for tomorrow. But I know (or rather, “I expect”) that when I go back and sit down with a fresh outlook (as fresh as I can manage at this point), I’ll run into the same brick wall. “What the hell am I going to do tomorrow?”

That was a nightly battle last year and I assume that it’s going to be the same way this year. Every evening I struggled to come up with a lesson, forty-five minutes of business and productivity. When I finally came up with something and finished all the planning, I thought, “Whew—did it again. But I’ve no idea where I’ll get another activity from.” Yet somehow, I always managed to come up with something. It’s just that toward the end of the year, my “somethings” were turning out to be rather boring and ineffective. The students didn’t respond well at all and I was left wondering what the hell I could do differently. Part of my trouble now is that the same thing is happening at the beginning of the year. I think, “Well, I survived about four or five weeks of that last year, but I can’t do nine or ten months of it this year.”

I just don’t know what the problem is. Is it that I’m not doing enough planning? Am I leaving to much up to chance? Am I too often saying, “Okay, that’s a good idea but I’ll improvise the finer details tomorrow during the lesson”? Am I planning with the wrong objective? What is my objective? I guess if I’m honest, I’m still running on last year’s fourth-quarter improvisational objective: “Let’s fill these forty-five minutes.” I need to shift my priorities and not worry so much about filling the time as teaching them English and giving them opportunities to use the language authentically. […]

Part of the problem I have is with providing structure within the lesson. I come up with fairly good ideas for activities, but I then expect (today’s magic word) the students do come up with too much stuff on their own. I provide only the barest frame and then expect them to go out and buy the paint and canvas, think of a proper subject, and finish the piece of art. Take my last lesson with IIIA for example. I told them that since we weren’t going to be using books this year, we must decide on what we want to study and how. Now that was entirely too broad of a topic. They really don’t know what the possibilities are (both in subject matter and methodology) and so to expect them to discuss that (even with the gimick of “alter egoes”) was asking entirely too much.

I also don’t have enough of a long-term plan. I told IIIA that I hope to give them a syllabus at some point which gives them at least a rough idea of what we will be doing in the coming weeks. I need also to establish a routine, a weekly schedule so that I have some idea of where I need to go with the lesson before I even start planning it. And yet I’m really not sure how to go about doing that.

Once again, I know what I need (more structure; more long-term planning; more control over the class; more enthusiasm from my students), but I’ve no idea how to go about achieving these things. It’s the seemingly unbridgeable gap between theory and praxis. Even with a year’s experience, I don’t know how to overcome these problems.

I’ve no idea.

I’ve no ideas.

I’ve no ideal.

More Thoughts about Students

Tuesday 18 February 1997 | 0 Comments

Classes went acceptably well, but IIB wasn’t as good as I would like. I guess it could have been worse, but they were a little more disruptive than in the past, despite the fact that I went with my hard-line disciplinarian method. I guess I can’t always have them quiet. I began “going to” with them, and I think it caused them some trouble initially. I had to explain that sometimes it’s present continuous (I’m going to the store.) but sometimes it is simply the future tense. “The key,” I told them, “Is whether there is a verb following ‘to.’” I guess we’ll see soon enough whether they get it or not. IB had a little bit of difficulty with today’s lesson. It was admittedly hard, for I plunged headlong into irregular simple past tense forms and I think it was a bit much. I knew it was a tough topic and so I followed the book exactly, for sometimes I change things (or don’t even refer to the book until the end) and it occasionally makes things more difficult. However, the book did a sufficient job of confusing them anyway. The activity was a listening activity with a guy speaking in first person about the 80's and they had to fill in a little blurb written in third person. While the forms for the simple past are the same for all persons, it was still a bit tricky for them. In IA we reviewed for the test which is coming up Monday. It was a boring lesson, but I found out (fortunately) that they are still having trouble with when to use a/an, the, or nothing. Danuta’s going to go over it tomorrow.

I just saw Bożena from IB walking along with Bogusia and someone else (I didn’t see who, but I think it was Kaszka). I waved with a big smile; she waved back, smiling too. I think most of the kids like me. I am glad, for it makes my job easier. I believe they think I’m a little crazy. Today, for instance, as I was explaining the irregular simple past to IB, I was walking around picking up stuff and dropping it, saying, “What is this?” (I was of course wanting them to say, “drop.” I’m not sure they’d had that verb before, though.) I walked up to Ela (little Ela in group B) and “kissed” her: I made a smooching sound in her direction. I didn’t need to ask, “What’s that?” for everyone answered immediately, “Kiss!”

It’s strange to be able to sit here and watch all my students leave school. The miracle of familiarity always makes me smile. Before I knew their names or anything about their personalities, I would only watch with a fleeting interest. But now I sit and think, “Oh, there’s Grzegorz. He is rather outgoing now. That’s strange because he’s often so quiet in class.” They’re not just faces. I guess it’s simply that they are a part of my life now, and it is more that than “the miracle of familiarity.”

Teaching Thoughts

Monday 17 February 1997 | 0 Comments

I checked IIA’s journals tonight. I told them I wouldn’t read them, and I didn’t. But as I counted entries, I did make sure that every entry had at least a little something in English. And that’s when the trouble hit. As I was reading through Tom’s I noticed a word that didn’t seem like something that would be in his vocabulary: constitute. I skimmed some more. I noticed more words that seem out of his vocabulary. So finally I broke down and just read a passage. It seems that he copied this out of something, though I’m not quite sure what. It is simply not his writing. So I must decide what to do. If I say something, he will say, “You read it and you said you wouldn’t! You lied!” And no matter how I explain things, I will lose trust with some people. But I certainly cannot let him get by with it. I’ll talk to him tomorrow and see what he has to say about it.

I’ve been thinking about the whole journal issue. Following Mr. Watson’s example, I read the journals I had my seniors keep while student teaching. I told them that if there was something they didn’t want me to read, just note it in the margin and I said I wouldn’t read it. But knowing that someone else is going to be reading what you write will drastically change what you write. Immediately you have an audience, whereas before you’re writing only for yourself. What are the advantages of reading them? I’ll get to know my students better, and it often leads to a more personal relationship with the students. Many of the kids in Mr. DePriest’s class wrote things in their journals (without asking me not to read) that they would not say to me in person.

I decided to look at my journal and see what I wrote about the journals while I was student teaching. I didn’t find anything, but ended up reading the most of the entries for October, November, and December. [...] I was also surprised that at that time I was still considering myself a Christian. Or at least I was thinking that I wanted to be a Christian. I was still trying to work out some of the difficulties which have now grown.

Anyway, back to the journal topic: I don’t know what to do about Tom. But I must admit that the little I caught as I counted the entries whetted my appetite and I would really like to read some of their entries. It is not even a temptation, though. I am trying so hard to earn their trust and I will not do anything which could risk that. Which is why I am so worried about what to do about Tom. I’ll just have to talk to him, I guess.

I am in a strangely peaceful mood. I read about all the anguish I was going through trying to figure out what happened between Hannah and me, and I didn’t fall into depression. I smoked my pipe and read on, surprised at some of the things I had written, but not longing to return. I had a great dinner. I improvised a chicken curry which was a little too sweet, but wonderful. I feel much better about my teaching. I will admit that I noticed in one student’s journal (I think Agnieszka A’s) that English is one of her favorite subjects. She does seem rather interested during class. I appreciate that — it makes my life so much easier.

All these things combine, and I am so happy to be here. I feel complete, as if I am doing something useful. I have grown so much in the past year, and it is paying its dividends now. I am at peace with the past. I am happy with my present. I am optimistic about my future. The thread of my life seems to be a wonderfully curved line that makes a beautiful pattern. It’s not straight, by any stretch of the imagination, but I no longer feel that I must take both ends (the past and the future) and try to straighten it out so that my present seems a little more comfortable.

Stagnation

Monday 20 January 1997 | 0 Comments

I need to do some thinking about IIA, for I am really beginning to stagnate in there. They are bored silly most of the time. It’s fine occasionally, but it is not good if it happens all the time.

I think part of the problem is their level. It’s difficult to plan for that level because the simple things I do in IA/B wouldn’t work that well. And a bit of it is their age: a tough group at that age when they feel trapped between adulthood and childhood.

Some of it could be a lack of long term planning. I never seem to know where we’ll be going next, and I think the kids can tell this too. During the break I will to make at least a tentative syllabus for the rest of the year. I am not sure I’ll be able to make it very detailed–it problem will be a week-by-week thing. I will try to include a few long-term projects as well as a general idea of when we’ll have tests.

My water heater is gone. The drip turned into a pour last night and I actually was able to get someone to do something about it.

I just realized the extremes of my working conditions: On the one hand, I overuse the book in IIA; on the other, I don’t even use a book for classes V and VI. What i need to do is combine the two in IIA in order to find that Golden Mean. Maybe I can apply some of the tactics I use in V and VI successfully in IIA. I can use the book as a guide, but invent my own activities for practice and application. I’ll try it Wednesday for the lesson with adjectives.

I received a notice from PC Warsaw that I’ve been waiting for for months now: My diplomatic pouch is here. In other words, my computer is now in Poland, if you can believe it. And so I might have it in a couple of weeks. That is of course if someone will bring it up to Sopot, which honestly seems a little bit unrealistic.

Of course now I have to get it to work here . . .