matching tracksuits

English has twelve tenses; Polish has three. It’s a nightmare for beginning students to keep all that straight. We spend a lot of time drilling, doing “boring” written work, etc. but from time to time, I’m able to think of something completely original and — dare I think — even entertaining.

It happened one evening that I was planning lessons, thinking, “I need a good, fun lesson for present continuous,” and wondering what I would come up with. (Present continuous, for those of you who don’t know, is, for example, “I’m reading a book at the moment.”) I put some music on, sat down, and began planning.

Gradually, I found my attention drawn to the music I’d begun planning, and I sat there, jaw open, as I listened to the perfect present continous lesson (not to be confused with the not-so-perfect present perfect continuous lesson) — Suzanne Vega’s “Tom’s Diner.” It had everything going for it: the whole thing is in present continuous; it’s very popular in Poland, especially the DNA mix; the vocabulary is relatively simple.

In the intervening years, it’s become one of my most successful lessons.

It goes like this:

1. Students get a worksheet that has the lyrics printed out, but without the verbs, and in the incorrect order. For each verb, they’re provided the necessary infinitive, the tense necessary, and any additional information/words (like “not” or “already”).
2. After students take fill in the verbs, we check them all, and make sure they have a basic understanding of the meaning.
3. Then, I just put the song on and watch — who is going to catch on? Eventually, I point out that it’s the worksheet we’ve been working on and tell them that the next task is to put the stanzas in the correct order. We talk about what the song means and make sure they understand it all, or, they translate it all for homework — depending on how much time we have.
4. The next day, they’re divided into groups and prepare to act out the song in time with the music — a live music video, I tell them. This takes only a few minutes, and then we do something else. The actual video is the next day.
5. Show time — and some classes take it very seriously and come in dressed up, with props and materials.

This was the most recent “performance” of the video. The day we were preparing the skits, several people were absent, who were then not absent when we were to perform it. What to do with them? Simple — they were a doo-wap chorus, and they even danced.

Most of the time, it’s very rewarding being a teacher. Sometimes, it’s simply fun, as well.

Yesterday at school there was an unexpected “surprise” — a concert. Zamfir came, and brought his whole music-lite ensemble: a keyboard player. They began with a few classical-esque selections, but once the keyboard player got the programmed drum beats and bass going, there was no stopping them.

Many of the students were having trouble sitting still to such stirring music and would half leapt into the aisle to go Polka mad but for the fact that everyone was crammed like “herrings in a jar.” So they just tapped there feet and smiled merrily.

Some, moved by the music’s depth and power, sat in awe — I think I saw a tear or two trickle.

A couple of students whispered to me, “This is great, sir, but I sure wish we were back in class!”

Of course, ninety percent of this is made up. Ninety-nine, more like it. There was no Zamfir, no Polka sparkle in the eyes, no longing to go back to lessons. There was a concert, and it did include a young man of about twenty-five playing the pan flute while a woman accompanied. And the music was as artificial as you have probably been imagining.

I’m all for broadening students’ cultural awareness, but not in this way. Introducing them to such music as a way to get them interested in styles of music other than techno or metal (the two dominant preferences among my students) is doomed from the start, mainly because the students agreed to go (each class had the option of going or not, but they had to go as an entire class) in order to get out of lessons. Of course, I would have done the same thing at their age. Also, just giving a concert is not going to engage a sixteen-year-old male in any meaningful way if it’s the music he’s not used to, and he wrinkles his nose on first hearing it. Better to have a shorter concert, interspersed with explanations of the songs — their history, the period they come from, etc. — followed by perhaps short discussion afterward of the music. “Yes, that particular song did have a bird song quality to the melody. It’s because…” And for Mahler’s sake, don’t let it be simply a way to get out of class. That accomplishes nothing.

I try to introduce my students to various types of music throughout the year. One lesson I like to do toward the end of the year involves at least five different songs. It’s for intermediate students, and I simply have them do some free-writing (that’s where you just write uncritically what comes to mind — like most blogs, I would imagine) while I put on various songs. “Imagine you’re at the cinema,” I tell them, “and as the movie begins, this is the song you hear. What’s the movie about? What do you see happening?” And then I put on an incredibly eclectic mix: Ben Folds Five, Mozart’s requiem, Albert King, Ella Fitzgerald, and Johnny Cash come to mind as I recall past lessons.

The reaction is generally bad.

But at least once I held them in rapt attention. While doing some quite writing work (not related to the lesson described above), I put on Bruce Springsteen’s The Rising and told them that much of this album was connected to 9/11. Students who were usually squirmy sat and wrote quietly, while others just listened to the music, hands on folded arms, eyes wide open, utterly still.

I’m still at a loss, though, as to how effectively to broaden students’ musical awareness.

Three of the seven classes had a test today on passive voice. You all know what "passive" means, right? You remember getting those papers back from your high school teacher with "passive" scribbled in the margin and wondering, "What the hell does that mean?"

My handy-dandy, five-step, active-to-passive transformation guide.
1. What is the main verb?
2 .What tense is the main verb in?
3. What is the direct object?
4. What is the verb "be" in the tense from question two?
5. What is the past participle of the verb from question one?
And then -- 3+4+5=passive voice

If you're a non-native English speaker reading this, I'm sure you don't need this explained.

And that's the irony of it all. In many ways, non-native English speakers know grammar much better than thoseof us who grew up speaking the language.

There's a whole side of our native language that we native speakers don't naturally know. For example, if I were to challenge most Americans to construct a sentence in present perfect continuous tense in the subjunctive voice, there might be a bit of head scratching, even thoughthey would understand the sentence, "I would have been writing this forever if you hadn't helped." (Yeah, thatexample is a bit awkward, but it works.)

When I first came to Poland to teach English, I had no idea about many such things. For instance, what's wrong with the sentence, "I have done it yesterday"? Several years ago, though I was an English major in college, I would have had a hard time explaining. Now, it's simple: "I have done it" is in present perfect tense, and present perfect tense is used for the indefinite past. "Yesterday" is fairly definite, I would say.

Back to the issue at hand: passive voice. A sentence is passive if the subject is not the "doer" of the verb. For example: A ball was thrown. They ball had nothing to do with the action -- it indeed received the action. The active would be something like, "My mother threw the ball."

Today's test was designed to check students' ability to change sentences from active to passive, as well as to decide when a sentence should be passive and when active. Some samples from the test:

• (President / send / me / a letter of congratulations || Present Simple) A letter...
• (People / write / more books about computers / than about any other subject || Present perfect) More books . . .

Correct answers:

• A letter of congratulations was sent to me by the president.
• More books are written about computers than about any other subject.

Some involved just putting the verb in the correct tense. Sort of.

• This car ______. It's too old. (not/to steal - Future Simple)
• This street ______ because of snow. (already/to close - Present Perfect)

Among the English-to-Polish translation (a rarity in my tests) were "tree sap" and "unleaded." Results, thus far, are less than spectacular.