K’s New Bike
EU Vote
There is a referendum on the seventh and eight of June for Poles to decide if they want their country to become a member. Hungary and Slovakia recently voted in the affirmative, as did Lithuania some time ago, I believe.
In order for the referendum to be valid, there has to be at least a 50% voter turnout. Some of those opposed are not even going to vote "No" for fear of raising the voter frequency. (If the turnout is less than 50%, then the Sejm (parliament) decides. "At least we'll know by name who's responsible then," said one opponent.)
There seems to be a chronic shortage of concrete information about the effects of joining the EU. The pro-EU placards posted everywhere have pictures of individuals with something vague like, "I'm voting 'Yes' because I want to have a better future," written in a stylish, script-like font. Marketing. There are concrete advantages, to be sure: EU subsidies for farmers, the ability to work abroad legally (though after a waiting period for most EU countries), and so on. Other than that . . .
Opponents, on the other hand, distribute photocopied fliers with dire warnings about how the EU standards for television will allow godless, sexually perverted programs to flood Poland and create hedonistic egoists out of the younger generation. More marketing, without the big złoty backing.
Where do I stand on the issue? I think it would be foolish for Poland to remain out of the EU — Polska is no Switzerland, after all. The short-term disadvantages (namely, more expensive food and such) will eventually disappear. That's the hope. As an American living here, though, membership won't have the same advantages, I guess.
And of course, there's always the concern that I'll be living in the territory of the Beast Power of the Book of Revelation, which will rise up any day now and kick America's immoral . . . or wait, is that the UN? I can never keep those fundamentalist prophecies straight . . .
The Matura
Few things seem to cause as much angst in a Polish teenager’s life like the matura: a series of compulsory written and oral exit exams. Required of all students are two exams from Polish: a written and a spoken test. Students must pass the written before they are allowed to take the oral exam.The written matura consists of four essay questions read aloud at precisely 9:00 a.m. on the same day in high schools throughout Poland.
This year the questions included the interpretation of a Wis?awa Szymborska poem, and a question, “Od Adam i Ewy…” (From Adam and Eve), about the loss of one’s home and one’s place in society as illustrated through literature. Another question began, “If you want to know a person, look at his shadow…”
The second day brings the chosen exams, with most people picking history, with math coming a close second. (Ironically enough, most of the students who chose math were girls — probably something like 80%.) This year there were about six people taking the matura in geography and one girl chose biology. No one chose English, and for good reason: it’s adifficult exam, concentrating mainly on the irregularities and exceptions of English grammar.
Once the students’ pain is over, it’s time for the teachers to get their dose: grading all those exams according to strict criteria.
Then comes the spoken exams — when my pain begins.
The spoken English matura consists of three parts.
- There’s a text students must read and be prepared to discuss. Topics include smoking, living in the city, my dream holiday — nothing too taxing, in other words. Usually the exam begins here, with the examiners asking one or two questions about the details of the text and then inviting the victim to “share his/her thoughts” about the topic. Free talking, in other words. This is where the truly good students show they’re truly good, and the less-than-great students struggle.
- There are eight grammar questions. They cover everything from tenses to specific grammatical constructions.
- There five situations. The situations themselves are described in Polish, but of course students are required to respond in English.
Students are given the situations and text beforehand; the grammar they see for the first time when they sit down for the exam, though they know possible topics.
Grammar |
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| ‘Samuel didn’t come here last night’. She said __________. | Reported speech — gossiping, in other words. The key is in changing tenses and selected words. The correct answer: She said that Samuel hadn’t come/gone there the night before. | |
| If I were the President of the country, I __________ . | Conditional, namely the second conditional. Impossible condition (If + past simple), imaginary result (would + verb). If I were president of the country, I would give all teachers a substantial raise. | |
| They enjoy (go) __________ on exotic holiday, but they wouldn’t like (live) __________ outside the USA. | Verb patters — or when to use “to” and when to use “-ing.” It’s basically a question of memorization. They enjoy going on holiday, but wouldn’t like to live outside the USA. | |
| Robert (read) __________ a book about English grammar when David (leave) __________ last night. | Verb tenses. Since Polish has three verb tenses and English, twelve, it makes senses that students have a bit of trouble keeping all of them straight. Robert was reading a book about English grammar when David left last night. | |
Situations |
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| Buy a one-way train ticket from Warsaw to Pairs. How would you ask about a return ticket? | The situations are fairly straightforward, and even a little boring. Usually one of them is fairly involved, requiring interaction with one of the examiners, but the rest are often a matter of one or two sentences. | |
| You returned very late from a friend’s house. Apologize to your parents and explain that the bus driver had to repair the bus. | ||
Best Friend’s Daughter’s Baptism
Easter 2003
“[Not] Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door”
"Knock" in Polish is "pukać," but you'd never know that the word even exists in the language, for many Poles (around here at least) have a habit of literally walking into your house unannounced. Or they knock once and walk in without waiting.
It can lead to some particularly embarrassing situations, as you might imagine: walking in when someone's taking a nap, for example.
And it's not just friends and acquaintances that do this. The first time I was here, a lady going door-to-door selling apples tried to walk in after a single, quiet knock. Fortunately, my door was locked (a habit I quickly acquired), for I was just changing clothes.
And then for some friends, it was difficult to explain why I always knock.
Smalec
A friend once described mayonnaise as "whipped fat." That name somehow seems more appropriate for a particular, traditional Polish highlander dish called "smalec," with the "c" pronounced "ts." It is, in a word, lard. Seasoned lard, with big chucks of boczek in it (which is basically smoked fat-back — yum). The funny thing about it is that they add something to the lard so it's not so solid (not like the solid white blob I bought to make tortillas with the other week), and then whip it. Yes, I've literally eaten whipped fat, smeared it fresh-baked bread.
It took a moment before I could actually bring myself to eat it, though. I sat there, looking at the piece of bread with the glistening concoction smeared all over it, the blobs of smoked fat sitting like burnt raisins in the whipped fat that looked more like dirty whipped cream, wondering if I could go through with it. Obviously I did, else I wouldn't be rambling about it.
And — surprise — it was tasty. Tasty in a cholesterolly, carnivorous kind of way, but tasty all the same.
Kinga informed me that she's had much better, and that I shouldn't judge all whipped fat on that one experience, but I think I will anyway.
Tired of worrying fat content, always thinking about calories-from-fat percentages and cholesterol levels? Try smalec. No need to worry about fat content here — it's a nice, round 100%.
But how to make it? Simple. Put some lard and boczekinto a pot and let it simmer all day.
Next, pour the mixture through a sieve and place the now-soft chunks of fat in a ceramic container, careful not to drain entirely the now-clarified fat from the now-soft fat.
Smile as you think of the glistening mixture sliding through your body.
If your curious what the insides of your veins will look like shortly, leave the remaining mixture to cool.
Next day, dig in. Your neighborhood cardiologist will thank you for the business.
So apparently, I was wrong. It's not whipped fat. It's just boiled fat.
It's amazing there are any Poles who, eating like this, live past the age of, say, fourteen.
Walk in the Wintery Fields
School Valentine’s Program
Kroscienko
Valentine’s Day Volleyball Tournament
Landlord’s New Car
Landlady’s Birthday Party
Polish Kitchen
Studniowka
