matching tracksuits

We've been wondering for some time just how "big" David Pack's little cult is. He wants everyone to believe that, because of growing website hits, his group is growing at a phenomenal rate and people are joining on a daily basis.

Unfortunately, Pack let some of his minions speak—and he posted their summaries on the website.

Called the “2006 Conference Sabbath Reports" and the "2006 Post-Conference Sabbath Reports," these six messages show just how dismal things are for the Restored Church of God, and the make clear just how heavily the RCG is relying on its website numbers to prove to itself that it is “doing a great work.”

The speakers were:

• Robert Farrell, covering the United Kingdom;
• John Sherwin, discussing Australia;
• Mark Sharpe, reporting on Jamaica;
• Larry McElroy, discussing the Western United States;
• Victor Cabrera, talking about the Spanish work;
• Michael Venish, covering Southern Africa; and
• Ernest Owino, reporting on East Africa.

Each and every report followed the same basic pattern. Pack must have told them, “Talk about your country and the perils its facing now, then finally spend the last two minutes discussing the Restored Church of God in your country, careful not to give any numbers.”

Most of them did as they were probably told. But Pack simply didn't think things through carefully enough, and didn't provide an extensive enough list of dos and don'ts for his guest speakers.

England -- Robert Farrell

Mr. Farrell was an odd speaker, because by his own admission he doesn't even live in Britain, though he might be moving there! His qualifications? He lived in Britain in the 1990's, and knows some of the members there.

Mr. Farrell spends most of his time discussing things that an educated American already knows about England. He laments the fact that there are some places in England where you can go and not find one person “of Israelite descent.”

He of course gives the standard “the country is going to hell in every way imaginable” speech, mentioning the horrid drought in the southeast and the incredible impact that's having on the economy.

Finally, after thirteen minutes of blather, we get to the details about “God's work in Britain.” The Work began in Britain in the 1950s, we're told, when Radio Luxembourg began transmitting the World Tomorrow radio program. At its zenith, the Work had some 3,000 members in Britain. But that's all changed since the apostasy, of course. “All the splinters are there,” and he names LCG, PCG, and “David Hume's group” -- this is a break in Pack's tradition of not spelling out which splinter he's talking about, even though it's obvious.

He goes on and on until, at 14:10, he finally begins talking about the RCG. The “RCG held its first feast in Britain in 2000, and since then, growth has been slow, but steady, and it's currently picking up.” What's the sign of this increased growth? More members? Of course not! There are simply “thousands of people who come to our website each month from Britain.”

Oh my! All those server hits from Britain.

In a surprise, though, he does give a demographic breakdown of the group. It's multinational. Nationalities represented include:

• British
• Polish
• Zimbabwe
• Bulgaria
• Italy
• Pakistan
• the Caribbean

He also discusses the fact that a lot of the members are older. I for one was shocked to hear that.

And that's about it. Now we, like the membership, know absolutely nothing of any specific importance about the Work in Britain. Perhaps Mr. Sherwin from Australia will do better...

Australia -- John Sherwin

Mr. Sherwin takes a novel approach in his report, discussing first all of the tragedies besetting Australia, thus proving that God has removed his protection. Why, there have been cyclones and droughts! There's unemployment! Why, there are even immigration issues!

He too blathers on about this and than, finally spending the last two minutes talking about the Work in Australia. See, in Mr. Armstrong's time, the WCG in Australia had about 3.3% of the membership: about 5,000 out of 150,000. Now it has – well, quite frankly, we don't know, and neither probably does the RCG membership itself.

Mr. Sherwin does admit that “there has been little growth in membership.” However, things are looking up, because there has been “quite large growth in web site visits” from Australia.

Ah, well, that just puts everyone's mind at ease.

Jamaica -- Mark Sharpe

First, Mr. Sharpe explains to us where Jamaica is, which is good, because I was sure it was right next to Nauru. That established, Mr. Sharpe explains the importance of hurricanes, sugar, and bananas. Finally, rounding out the "It's a Small World" overview of Jamaica, we get to little fascinating trivia tibits. Did you know that Jamaica was the first tropical country to enter the Winter Olympics? And also, did you know that Jamaica is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the country having the most number of churches per square mile?

Well, that's it – no more proof for me. The RCG is the one.

Now, Mr. Sharpe does eventually discuss the Work in Jamaica. He explains that broadcasts were first heard in the 1950s and that by 1966, there were three baptized members in Jamaica. The first congregation with a minister started in the mid-1970s, and currently, there are three splinters there: Living, United, and the Church of the Great God.

What about the RCG? About all we hear about them is that, sadly, “most brethren are unemployed or poorly paid, or are pensioners.” That is sad, because it means they're probably suffering.

Finally, the first batch of reports ends back in the good ole U.S. of A.

Western U.S. -- Larry McElroy

Things are not going well in the splinters, Mr. McElroy explains. The people in the splinters are seeing their houses “are not in order.” Why? “What's happening is a dynamic, time released spiritual explosion causing fallout from the largest splinter group in the world.” And he repeats it because everyone laughs.

What does this have to do with his message? Nothing, really. I guess it was just a way to segue into the “explosion” the Work in the western States is experiencing.

It all started about a month ago, you see. In the Phoenix area, where Mr. McElroy lives, “a couple requested information about the SEP package” which is great, “because we'd been there about sixteen months and nothing had really happened.” Then the “sister of this couple” (We now know that the RCG's sexual purity laws aren't quite as strict as we might have suspected.) called and wanted the information too, as well as a good anointing. Mr. McElroy went to anoint her, and because she still lives with her parents, he was able to talk to the whole family. They were just thrilled that they'd finally found “a place where the truth was still taught.” Not “the” place, but “a” place.

The next day, her brother called and admitted that he'd been reading the SEP info online! They had all the booklets shipped overnight from Ohio so that they could lay them all out on a table by their piano. They went to their regular UCG service that week because there was a funeral, but since then, they've been going to the RCG. And while at the UCG, the matriarch of the family – who's also a deaconess – did a bit of proselytizing, and might end up getting another older lady (“who didn't have Internet access”) to join the Pack bandwagon.

But there’s more! A UCG deacon gave a split sermon about the Elijah, and “we know he got all the material from the website.” How do they know this? Spies? Rumors? Guessing? An awkward pause with some laughter, and he adds, “Because we know nobody else has got this stuff.” And this UCG deacon couldn't possibly have come up with the stuff himself, even with the WCG foundation he probably has.

In short, things are just exploding. He’s sent out 20 SEPs and possibly “50 to 60 people” have heard about the truth, thanks to this family!

Finally, at the end, he spills the secret: all these people are folks they've known, up to twenty-five years – had them in their home for dinner. In other words, no new blood! They're still drawing on those who are disillusioned with this or that splinter group and can't get their masochistic fix.

Spanish-speaking Countries -- Victor Cabrera

Mr. Cabrera was giving his first sermonette in English, and so it would be improper to do more than mention that in Mexico City there are the two biggest splinters: United and Living. There are not a lot of people in Restored yet. One reason is that they need more of the truth in Spanish. Let’s hope they don’t get it.

Southern Africa -- Michael Venish

Mr. Venish continues the pattern earlier reporters provided, starting his talk with a long history of South Africa. Finally, we learn a little about the Work in South Africa: Waterhouse set up a church in 1963 in southern Africa. And it was just wonderful – SEP camps, Spokesman's Clubs, and 400k PT subscribers.

And that’s it. What about the RCG? They don’t even know.

East Africa -- Ernest Owino

We all know Mr. Owino from his famous defection from Meredith’s Living Church of God. Yet he doesn’t abuse his world star status by breaking the pattern set down by the previous speakers. He dutifully covers a little history of Kenya and the situation there: violence, poverty, death.

All the same, Mr. Owino’s report is, in many ways, the most interesting. He tells of a visit he had from Meredith after Owino had quite Living to go with Restored. He prepared for Meredith's visit by putting a pile of RCG literature on the desk by the front door.

"I just want to chat," Meredith reportedly said. "This has nothing to do with religion.”

But Mr. Owino wanted to talk about religion: "Why can't you do this kind of work?" he asked Meredith.

He breathed deeply and told me, "Ernest, we simply can't afford it." [...] I asked him, "Don't you have the millions of dollars, and very many members – thousands of them?" He said, "We simply can't understand how Mr. Pack and his team at headquarters is doing this work."

Meredith reportedly picked up Anoint Your Eyes and said that they simply couldn't afford to produce even one book like that, and even if they couldn't they couldn't post it. "Now what do you make of that?" asked Mr. Owino.

Indeed, what do you make of that? You can pop over to the LCG's site and see that they do have a few booklets that they print and send out. Surely, Mr. Owino wasn't exaggerting for the benefit of his listeners? To flatter them?

That would be wrong – that would be what the LCG is doing: “using Mr. Armstrong's name to flatter people.”

Good Hope Has Come

That’s the title Michael Venish gave to his report, but I think it might be applicable to the whole group of messages.

What hope?

We learn from these reports that the RCG is simply a joke. Their membership levels are stagnant in most places, and the only thing that is growing is the supposed hits on their pathetic little web site. The hope, though probably mistaken, is that the RCG will eventually implode.

At the very least, we have the security of know that their message is not making much of an impact on those who do not have a WCG background.