Matching Tracksuits

Month: November 2021

Reading

Tuesday 30 November 2021

The Boy claims he hates — hates — reading. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s boring. Yet there are some strange quirks about him.

For example, he loves reading — if someone else is doing it. He will sit for hours and listen to you read a book to him. One of his favorite things to listen to is an audiobook.

He also enjoys certain books. The Dog Man series is an eternal favorite for him.

Most strikingly, he scores very high on his standardized reading tests — in the 90th percentile as I best recall, which means he’s very good at reading for his age.

But we still have to force him to get his nightly twenty minutes of reading in. Yet he was so engrossed that he didn’t even notice I’d snapped this picture.

Monday After

Monday 29 November 2021

Our first day back after the break, and we had quite a change: for the first time since March 2020 we ate lunch in the cafeteria. By “we” I mean our team, which constitutes one-third of the eighth-grade students. And it’s a one-day-a-week gig only: we can’t get everyone in there and maintain social distance, so we get Mondays.

Such a strange thing to return to what was a taken-for-granted reality for so long after such an extended break.

Back home, though, it was a return to familiar routines that paused a little during the extended break: a small dinner (barszcz ukrainski — the first time in ages that we’ve had that wonder of the culinary world), a bit of reading, an early bedtime.

Re-Vision

Sunday 28 November 2021

As we go through life, we start to see things differently. That really goes without saying, I know, but looking over old photographs makes this so much more literal. I saw today a photograph from 2015 and immediately saw flaws in it. The newest iteration of Lightroom allowed me to fix some of the flaws, but not all of them.

“Corrected” version

It was the little things.

That gate behind us — why didn’t I think to close it? It would have made the background that much more fluid. (Perhaps I thought I had. Maybe I closed it, but something opened it back up — wind, gravity, a squirrel.)

Why didn’t we move further down the hill so that more leaves would be behind us? It was a simple fix — why didn’t we see it? (Maybe we did — maybe we were as far down as possible. Perhaps just beyond the bottom of the frame the leaves disappear.)

Why didn’t I open the aperture a little more to get a little creamier background? (Perhaps it was as wide open as possible — in 2015, we still didn’t have a great portrait lens. Truth be told, we still don’t, but we’ve got a much better lens than I would have used for this picture.)

It’s no big deal, obviously, but looking back, I see so much wrong with this.

I had a similar thought in Polish Mass today. I hadn’t been to Mass since the last Polish Mass a month ago, and the less frequently I go to Mass, the more foreign it seems. Everyone going onto the stage (I know that’s not what it’s actually called but I can’t remember what it is called, and since it’s an elevated platform upon which the whole ceremony is conducted, it is, for all intents and purposes, a stage) stopped and bowed or genuflected. When I first saw people doing that in Poland, I was curious: why are they doing all that bowing? Once I learned about the idea of the real presence of Jesus in the host (i.e., the idea that somehow the bread ceases to be bread and is actually the body of Jesus), I understood what was going on. It still didn’t make sense because I didn’t believe that was the case, but I understood why they did it.

When I tried being a Catholic, that was one of the doctrines that I thought was just a little off but put it out of my mind. I behaved as if I believed it even though, deep down, I know I never did. It doesn’t make any sense: the official church teaching is that nothing physically changes. You can press a priest on the matter, and he’ll even admit that nothing atomically changes. The logical conclusion: if nothing atomically changes, then nothing changes. Full stop. The bread is made of molecules which are made of atoms which are made of subatomic particles. If nothing in that chain of being changes, then nothing changes. It’s not complicated logic — it’s quite basic in fact.

Yet Catholic apologists will start talking about substance and accident and making Aristotelian moves to suggest that the thing that makes bread bread — the substance — changes but the outward appearance doesn’t. Yet nothing makes bread bread. “Bread” is the name we give molecules of wheat, water, and usually (though not in this case) yeast that have undergone chemical changes through the application of heat. The atoms themselves didn’t change even in the cooking. It’s not complicated logic — it’s quite basic in fact.

Still, as someone attempting to be a believer I watched everyone bowing, I was a little jealous that they seemed actually to believe. I knew I didn’t, though I would not have admitted it to anyone. As my doubts resurfaced several years ago, I eventually realized I didn’t have to pretend I believed anymore that the little tasteless wafer was Jesus himself, and I felt a bit of relief about that.

Today as I watched as the altar servers bowed before going on stage, as the lector bowed before going on stage, as all the parishioners bowed before taking the bit of bread, I found myself back where I started, knowing exactly why they were doing it but still thinking it made little objective sense.

Where is the re-visioning in all that? It’s not that I believed the wafer became anything different; it’s that I saw myself as someone who should believe that but never really did. The re-vision is an understanding that I was almost purposely deluding myself.

Final Game Night

Saturday 27 November 2021

We played Ticket to Ride tonight — a favorite game for all of us. L and K enjoy it because they actually play to win; E and I love it because we play to stop them from winning. Not to win ourselves — just to get in their way. It means there’s a lot of laughs, a bit of frustration from time to time, and lots of memories.

I’ve always associated games with the extended Thanksgiving break. When we went to Nashville to visit Nana’s brother for Thanksgiving, one of the highlights for me was digging through their game closet. They had everything — games we had of course like Scrabble but also games I’d always wanted to play but never owned like Life and Battleship. And of course Monopoly. I loved it as at E’s age just as much as he loves it, and I’m sure everyone else put up with it just like we put up with it.

Tree 2021

Friday 26 November 2021

The earliest we’ve ever gotten a tree.

We slide out of the Thanksgiving season right into Christmas.

Thanksgiving 2021

Thursday 25 November 2021

Thanksgiving for fifteen years always included Nana and Papa. We went to Nashville to visit Nana’s brother our first Thanksgiving back in the States in 2005. Less than a year later, he’d passed away. We haven’t been back to Nashville since.

From that point, we went to Papa’s side of the family every year. There were various cousins, aunts, and uncles there — never the same group — but there were always two that never changed: Nana and Papa.

During our first Thanksgiving without Nana in 2019, we all went for a portrait and took Nana with us — the wound was still raw for everyone, but especially Papa. His first Thanksgiving without Nana in forever.

This is our first Thanksgiving without either of them. The plan to go visit Aunt D, who helped take care of Nana when she first came back from rehab, fell through as did our plan to visit with cousins. Our Polish family from North Carolina — family in all ways that count, at any rate — had other plans for Thanksgiving, so we spent it just the four of us. Without turkey.

But with games. What’s Thanksgiving without games?

Previous Years

Thanksgiving 2020

Thanksgiving 2019

Thanksgiving 2018

Thanksgiving 2017

Thanksgiving 2016

Thanksgiving 2015

Thanksgiving 2013

Thanksgiving 2012

Thanksgiving 2011

Family and Food: Thanksgiving 2010

Interrupted

Fourth Thursday

Thanksgiving Games

Thanksgiving 2006

Thanksgiving 2005

Pre-Thanksgiving 2021

Wednesday 24 November 2021

It’s been such an odd Thanksgiving Eve. The only thing I did today that was in line with every other day-before-T’giving was to mow. That only makes sense if you’re in the south, I guess.

In the evening, the kids played chess. The Boy won the first game on time; that did not sit well with the Girl, who promptly paid more attention to her time management and checkmated him in the second game.

“She is so competitive,” K said.

“But look at it this way,” I said. “She could have pouted when he won and refused to play with him again. Instead, she was angry and wanted another shot.”

Chess

Tuesday 23 November 2021

Genesis 2021

Sunday 21 November 2021

My best friend D and I took the Boy to his first concert last night: Genesis. With that show, I’ve achieved the concert trifecta the two of us always dreamed of: U2, Pink Floyd, and Genesis. D is missing the Floyd, but he last night was his second time seeing Genesis, so I guess we’re more or less even.

After the show, the Boy and I had a final memorial picture:

Of course, I took a few short videos and stitched them together:

Then I did it again with my friend’s clips included.

Room with a View

Saturday 20 November 2021

Ready for the first large-venue concert I’ve been to since 1999.

In Front of Them?

Wednesday 17 November 2021

We’re working on a tricky standard in school in my on-level classes. They’ll have a TDA (text-dependent analysis) question as part of their year-end test, and it’s often a question about how some text develops some idea or other. It might even provide an excerpt and ask specifically how that passage contributes to this or that idea. It’s not a straightforward question, and while I’m not entirely sure it’s a useful question to pursue with kids who have difficulty reading at grade level, I am obliged to some degree or other to teach to the test. That’s what we’ve done the last couple of days. We worked through a text together and then figured out how to answer such a question. Today, students were working to do it on their own.

Part of the process, I taught them, is to take the main idea of the text and compare it with the passage the question wants us to analyze. “See what similarities they have, what differences. Think about the relationships between those.” Since the first multiple-choice comprehension question for our article “Why I Refuse To Say I ‘Fight’ My Disability” was “Which of the following statements best expresses a central idea of the article?” I knew we could save time in determining the main idea for ourselves. We evaluated the four possibilities and realized it was the first option: “Hitselberger’s disability is an important part of who she is, not an enemy that she needs to defeat.”

The analysis question didn’t deal with just one or two sentences; it dealt with the entire final third of the article. “How do paragraphs 5-14 contribute to the development of ideas in the text?” At first I thought, “Great, the kids will have to comb through nine paragraphs to find the answer.” Then I looked at the nine paragraphs. I didn’t have to look closely: the relationship is literally plastered throughout the passage.

I will say I fight ableism and prejudice.

I will say I fight lack of access, stigma and ignorance.

I will say I fight discrimination.

I will say I fight these things, because I do. These are battles to fight, and win. It is ableism, prejudice, lack of access, stigma, ignorance and discrimination that prevent me from having the same opportunities in life as my able-bodied brother and sister, not my cerebral palsy, my wheelchair or my inability to walk.

I will fight to make this world a better place for future generations of kids just like me.

I will fight to make sure they are never told or led to believe their bodies are a problem or something they must do battle against on a daily basis just to fit in.

I will fight to make sure those kids have the same opportunities as everybody else, and never believe everything would be better if they could just change who they are.

I will fight for a world where the mere presence of disability does not make you extraordinary. Where disabled children are taught to aspire to more than just existing, and where being disabled doesn’t mean you have to be 10 times better than everyone else just to be good enough.

I will fight for a world where we talk about living with and owning our disabled bodies rather than overcoming them.

I will fight for a better world, and a better future, because those things are worth fighting for, but I will not fight a war against myself.

So it’s simple, I thought. The main idea statement is “Hitselberger’s disability is an important part of who she is, not an enemy that she needs to defeat.” Every single paragraph of the passage begins with “I will fight.” It’s not terribly difficult to see the connection between “fight,” “enemy,” and “defeat.” So the main idea statement says that the author will not fight her disability while the passage gives a list of things the author will fight.

Most of them could not see it. I phrased it differently and rephrased it again. Many of them could still not see it.

I’ve been thinking about this all day, wondering what went wrong. Was it the presentation? I’d like to think I’d done a decent job scaffolding the learning: we’d practiced the very same thing with the very same question yesterday. The only difference was the text. Was it the students? Just as I’d like to think I wasn’t responsible, I’d like to think it wasn’t a question of student culpability because there are only two ways to explain it: they can’t do it, or they won’t do it. Neither one is appealing. Yet of all three options, I wonder if the truth isn’t hidden in one of them. It’s not a question of intelligence or reading ability; perhaps it’s just a question of critical thinking.

Little Steps

Monday 15 November 2021

Dear Terrence,

I read your letter and felt it really needed a reply: you touch on a lot of issues that got me thinking, gave me hope, and honestly caused me to worry a bit.

You wrote that you “feel like people criticize [you] because of [your] past,” something which “hurts [you] to even try to change.”I don’t know what you thought I might have known about your past, but I knew nothing. I’m also fairly sure the other teachers on the team knew nothing about you. Yet we can all accurately guess about your past because of your present. I don’t mean to be offensive or blunt, but despite your desire to change, you still exhibit a lot of behaviors that draw negative attention to yourself. I don’t know about other teachers’ rooms, but I can describe some of the things in your behavior in my room that makes it pretty clear that you’ve had a rough past in school.

  1. You often blurt out things that you’re thinking, things that might not help the classroom atmosphere. Sometimes you say things that are genuinely insightful, but it’s still disruptive.
  2. You sometimes get up and move about the room for this or that reason without asking permission or seeming to notice that doing so would be an interruption. Sometimes this is to do something genuinely helpful, but it’s still disruptive.
  3. You put your head down when you get frustrated, and even when you’re not frustrated, you cover your face with your hands and completely disengage.
  4. When I correct you, you often quickly develop a negative, disrespectful attitude that comes out in your tone of voice and your body language.

You write that you want teachers to “just give [you] a chance and stop messing with [you],” but if a teacher is correcting these behaviors, she’s not “messing” with you. You must understand that some of your behaviors genuinely disrupt the class, and a teacher cannot continue teaching over disruption.

I do have some bad news, though: while no one is messing with you, you’ve made it clear what gets under your skin, and if a teacher wanted to mess with you, wanted to provoke you so that she could write you up, you’ve made it easy for that teacher (whom I hope you never meet) to do just that. You’ve made it clear what your buttons are, what gets you heated and easily leads to a disrespectful outburst. All a teacher would have to do is push just a little and BOOM! there you go, and there’s the excuse to write a referral. In that case, such a teacher would have played you, controlled you. I hope you never meet such a teacher, but it’s entirely possible. It’s also possible that a teacher who wouldn’t normally do that might, in a moment of frustrated weakness, do just that to “get some peace” for a while.

Fortunately, I have some good news, too: letters like yours make a teacher’s day. It gives us hope that perhaps we can help make a difference in students’ lives. I don’t know a single teacher—especially the teachers on our team—who won’t go out of his or her way to help a student who wants to change his/her behavior to do just that. However (and it’s a pretty big “however”), you have to show that you are really trying to make these changes. You have to show progress on a regular basis. Not big progress; not 180 degree changes overnight. But teachers need to see that you are serious about something like this. Otherwise, we’re left wondering if you’re just playing us. I’m sure you’re not, but it has been known to happen, and teachers tend to be a bit wary about that.

Here’s what I suggest you do if you really want to be a “changed man” as you so aptly called it. First, make sure you go to each teacher and say as much to him/her. Look the teacher in the eye; make sure your facial expression is pleasant; be sure not to let yourself be distracted by anything other students might be doing; then say what you said in the letter. “I’m trying to change, but I might slip into old habits. Please be patient with me as I try to make these changes in my life.” Second, make your strongest effort to change right then. Show the teacher you mean business. Show the teacher that you are not just talking the talk but you’re trying to walk the walk. Sit quietly; stay in your seat; keep your head out of your hands; make sure you don’t use a disrespectful tone of voice. Third, when you slip up (and you will: you’re trying to change some habits that you’ve had for a long time, I suspect), apologize. Sincerely. But not right then! If you do, the teacher is likely to think you’re just trying to disrupt further. Just smile as best you can and comply. After class, you can go to the teacher and say, “I really messed up. I appreciate your patience with me. I’ll do better next time.” Finally, make sure all your friends know what you’re up to. If you’re trying to be Mr. Thug or Mr. Cool Dude with them but Mr. Nice Guy with your teachers, you’ll get those roles mixed up and cause yourself more trouble. Be a leader: tell your friends, “Hey, I’m sick of hating school, sick of dreading school, sick of feeling like I’m wasting time. I’m going to make some changes in how I act, how I think, how I see myself and the world.” Be a leader: show other kids how to do it. They’ll follow your example, because everyone loves to see a “troubled-kid-straightens-everything-out” story. We love it, all of us.

Understand that I’ll do everything in my power to help you. I have some tricks I can teach you about making a good impression, keeping your impulses in check, and having a positive affect. (If you don’t know what that means, ask me: I’ll gladly explain.) But as I said earlier, I and all the other teachers have to see change immediately. Not enormous change, but change. Effort.

Chess Club Week 2

Thursday 11 November 2021

We had our second meeting of chess club this afternoon. It was scheduled to go from 3:30 to 4:30, but at 4:50, I finally had to tell two sweet but slightly nerdy girls (after all, we’re talking about chess club here) that they’d have to photograph their game and finish it next week.

The position is not terribly hopeful for black, but she does have a passed pawn. However, it’s only on the second rank, so it’s not passed all that much. White has a two-pawn advantage but might have a bit of difficulty getting the G and H pawns rolling before the black king can get over to help move that passed pawn along.