Being a parent means learning to let your kids learn. It’s an age-old adage, but some days illustrate it more clearly than others. Or perhaps some days I’m just more aware of it happening around me.
Eight o’clock. The Girl decided she wanted finally to have her yard sale. She’d made the sign long ago, and every weekend, she’d been asking when she could have the sale. This morning, she decided she could wait no longer.
No advertisements on light poles on nearby streets. No cash to make change. Just a girl out in her front yard with some random items for sale: some toys she no longer played with, some books she no longer read, E’s old stroller, the bike she’s decided is too heavy and we’ve decided is too difficult for her to ride.
In the end, she sold one thing for one dollar. K and I of course foresaw all of this, but there was no convincing her, and we realized there was really no need even to try: this was a lesson best learned through experience.
More lessons: all one needs to have a rollicking good time for most of the afternoon is an empty cardboard box large enough to fit a seven-year-old and some paints for decoration. One of the neighborhood kids seems more in tune to screens than his own imagination. I found myself wondering what he would have done if he were visiting when W and L pulled out the box and began working. Perhaps he would have found it boring. Perhaps he would have jumped in and tried. The advantage of spending all your time in front of a computer game is that you can do it alone; the advantages of playing in a cardboard box — more significant. Some of my own students’ lack of imagination is simply stunning, so I was pleased to see so much joy coming from something so simple. Pleased, but not too surprised.
Yet another lesson: building a draining system for the newly installed blueberries was surprisingly quick and surprisingly easy. For once a project took me less time than I was expecting.
The Boy learned a thing or two as well. His obsession with trains has been waning, replaced by an obsession with Bob the Builder. Every single time he sees a dump truck or any other piece of heavy equipment, he begins his mantra, based on the Bob the Builder theme song. “Bob the Builder — can we fix it? Bob the Builder — yes we can!” For the Boy, though, it’s somewhat truncated. “Bob the Builder” becomes “Bob-beaw” while “Yes we can” has mutated to “S-N!”
So as I finished up a little mini-project — so small it was barely worthy of being called a project except for the fact that I had to head to the lumber store this morning — I thought I might make him a little training ground. With some effort, managed to squeeze the trigger, so to speak; with a bit more effort, he managed to hold the drill; managing both at the same time was a bit much for a twenty-three-month-old.
And after lost interest in the screws but before he lost interest in the drill, he relearned another lesson. A fall was probably inevitable, and his tears were more from the frustration of falling than anything else. I knelt down to talk to him — the typical dad “shake it off, big man” type thing — and I realized I was still holding the camera. Click. (Well, not so much a click with a digital camera, and with shutterless digital cameras now emerging it will soon be silent, but I can’t think of a proper onomatopoeic word to describe the sound of the D300’s shutter sliding open and snapping shut.)
“Why would I take a picture of my son in tears?” I thought. And tonight, going through the pictures, I learned the next lesson of the day: it’s a fragment of our daily reality, the tears of a toddler. Something I’ll forget as it morphs into the tantrums that will continue from now until age thirty. Or forty-one in my case.
The final lesson of the day: K and I can get so much more done when Nana and Papa spend the afternoon with us, helping out with the kids, helping out with this or that aspect of planting Asiatic jasmine or sealing a poor construction. The list of accomplishments today is impressive, but more significant, the learning.
