Henry John Deutschendorf, Jr. made the sentiment famous: bags are packed, and L and I are ready to go, next post from the States, yet mixed emotions linger.
“I want to go home” became L’s refrain a couple of days back, and talking to K on Skype only worsened the situation once. There were variations: “When are we going home?” “Are we going home tomorrow?”
I, too, am ready to go: vacation is great, but returning home is the true heart of any journey. K awaits, as do infected trees await, a likely overgrown lawn, a course to begin Monday, and a host of other things. One can only sit around doing little for a very short time before the feeling of uselessness sets in.
And yet, leaving Poland is always bittersweet. “Would you want to move back?” friends and family asked. Or “When are you all moving back?” Would we move back? Yes, and no. When are we moving back? Soon and never.
I wonder if other countries produce such mixed emotions among its ex-pats and virtual ex-pats?
Mom/Nana missing you too!! Looking forward to seeing you at the airport tomorrow! Praying for your safe return!
I think what makes it tougher for you is that you have all of K’s family there and you’re close to them. (Of course, you have family here and are equally attached.)
When it becomes just the country — the wild fluctuations (return? more often? for good?) diminish. You know you can’t go back. However much of Poland you have within you, there’s much that you know you’ve let go of. On vacations, it’s less obvious, but in daily life it’s painfully obvious.
At least that has been my experience.