Dave Pack is stuck in a rut. Or maybe you’d call it an obsession. I would imagine it’s about all he talks about: the stats for his site.

In his latest sermon, “RCG 2007: Looking Ahead,” he talks about one really: web site stats. For about ninety minutes he goes on and on (and on and on) all the countries that are visiting his site, about all various government agencies are coming to his site, about how his site is so much bigger than any of the other splinters’.

How has he done it? The Google ad campaign. He finally gives some numbers on that.

Our ads have been shown over 700 million times. Other groups will talk about that, they don’t talk about it quite as much because they understand how big we are. And they’ve been clicked on, by the end of this month, 4 million times. Now, if you put a billboard up […] you get about one percent response. […] We’re finding that of the people who are seeing our ads, are coming to our site, and we’re only paying for those.

Shown 700 million times and clicked on 3 million times?! Wow! That’s a staggering 0.57% response! And that’s all he says about it. He doesn’t give any details about how many people, on clicking through, have actually stuck around. I suspect a great number of those clicks are from those who would like to see the RCG’s money wasted, and so they click just to cost them a nickel.

“So, cut to the chase — who comes to Dave’s site?” you’re asking. Well, the truth of the matter is, we really don’t know. Neither does Dave. He thinks he knows, but as we’ve discussed here before, getting a hit is not the same as getting a visitor. But don’t tell Dave — it’d break his heart. Anyway, without further ado, I present The List, more or less verbatim:

  • Courts: Court of the Crown Prince of Bahrain; the European Court of Justice; the International Criminal Court
  • Departments and ministries: Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Iran; Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Russian Federation; Saudi Arabia Ministry of Foreign Affairs; Kuwait Ministry of Communications
  • Embassies: Russian Embassy in China; Iranian Embassy in the Philippines; the South Korean Embassy in Belgium; the Austrian Embassy in Israel; the Israeli Embassy in Canada
  • Prime ministers and presidents: (“Somebody in the office.”) Presidential Office and Computer Department of Iran; the Philippines; Lithuania; Australia; Prime Minister of the Palestinian Territory
  • News media: the Economist; the International Herald Tribune; Boston Globe; Washington Post; Toronto Star; New York Times; Washington Times; Jordanian News Agency
  • Misc: Joint Command Southeast Headquarters; the Pentagon; United States Air Force; US Navy

That’s just to his main RCG site. The following have been seen virtually thumbing through the Real Truth

  • Embassies in the US: Sudan; China; Bosnia; Canada; Botswana; Belgium; Saudi Arabia
    Prime Minister’s and President’s offices in London, Iran, the Philippines, South Korea, and Russia
  • Associated Press;
  • Foreign Governments: Israel, South Africa
  • Misc: NATO headquarters, pentagon, NYC police department, CIA, Navy, Army, Air Force, United Nations (in Vienna, Geneva, etc)

Of particular interest to Dave is the increase in the visits from the Vatican. He explains that, for some time now, the Vatican has been coming every now and then, but only taking one item each visit. “One, one, one, one, one, one, then 22. And we know what they went in to see. Christmas booklet—couldn’t have been happy.” That’s right, Dave. They read your Christmas booklet — rather, your paraphrase of Armstrong’s — and now they’re plotting how to shut you up. Permanently.

Of course, says, Pack

I don’t know that [Pope] Benedict [XVI] went to 22 pages on our website. At some point whoever did it is going to go back and report it to him. […] That will happen. […] It may have already happened. […] It may have been the visit that he said, “Find out more, and get back to me,” with a thick German accent. I don’t know.

Perhaps nothing he’s said before so clearly illustrates how little thought Pack really puts into what he says. Benedict speaks English in the Vatican?! The content of the imaginary command is just as ludicrous. It sounds as if Pack has been reading too many cheap spy novels and Chick tracts in his free time.

Pack is clearly delusional. Think of what he’s suggesting: because he’s saying Christmas is pagan in origin the Vatican is going to put a contract out on him. Compared to death threats, feces-smeared Virgins, murdered nuns, I think any suggesting that Pack’s little pack would elicit more than a laugh from anyone in the Vatican is, itself, laughable.

So the Vatican, the CIA and the NYPD are all visiting Dave’s site. The question is, how realistic is Dave’s understanding of all this? Talking about presidential offices supposedly visiting his site, he says that it doesn’t have to be the president, of course. It could be “Joe the Janitor down in the basement.” But he says that he doesn’t “know that Joe the Janitor would have access to the International Criminal Court website.”

What is he talking about? Is he saying that Joe the Janitor wouldn’t have internet access while working at the International Criminal Court? Is he saying that Joe the Janitor would somehow be trying to access the International Criminal Court’s website through the RCG, or vice versa? Is this just a misspoken bit of nonsense? Or is it an illustration of how very little Pack really knows about internet technology?

Dave’s a smart man, so I’ll reluctantly go with it being a verbal stumble. Yet such verbal stumbles often reveal hidden truths. For instance, in the same sermon, Pack begins talking about how Christ could raise up stones to do the work — literally. And then: “I’ve used and recognized certain people. ‘That’s just a rock.’” There you have it — David Pack finally fessing up to his entire leadership model since he’s been in a position of any sort of authority: he uses people.

It’s good that he’s admitted that. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it, David. We’re all proud of you…