The pacifier is an innocuous looking little bit of plastic and rubber, but the British English term seems more indicative of its less-than-ideal nature: the dummy.
The pacifier is a substitute — no one denies that. When an infant is whinny, colicky, unable to sleep, there’s nothing like the instinctual sucking motions of all infants to calm them down. Yet a baby cannot feed indefinitely, hence the pacifier — the dummy nipple.
It’s an easy, logical answer: all the comforting sucking without the overeating. Yet, it seems akin to using the television as a babysitter. It’s an easy answer. And so, as parents, we all have to make the decision as to whether or not we’ll use one with our child.
With L, we experimented with one briefly when she was upset, rooting, and yet definitely fed. To our relief, L would suck on it for a moment, then either spit it out or allow it to be taken out.
“So a pacifier works,” we thought. A bit of a relief when you have a colicky baby.
Then I did a little reading and found that it’s not a good idea to use a pacifier with a baby who’s breastfeeding, at least until the baby is a month old and has mastered nursing (a skill both mother and daughter have had to learn, but that’s an entirely different story). The sucking motions are completely different, and using a pacifier sucking motion on while feeding results in underfeeding — not a good idea when the baby hasn’t even returned to her birth weight yet.
And so, we put the pacifier away for good. Yet that leaves the question, how do you calm a panicky, colicky baby? We’ve found a few things that work with L — any suggestions?
My first girl was colicky. Use anything that works. The pacifier is not perfect, but it helps. The key is not to be afraid of damage. We do so much in later years that could easily be interpreted as potentially harmful and yet, by then, we understand that parenting is not that rigid and we are less tough on ourselves.
Good will, all you need is good will and some degree of intelligence.
Why is it that we put such pressure on parents in the first months?? I called an important child psychologist out east to consult about picking up colicky babies at night. I was terrified that I would do the wrong thing.
My small words — do what feels right and quit worrying what the advice de jour is. You are so perceptive about your daughter, about parenting, life. Trust yourself. You won’t harm her. I am certain of it.
Thanks for the thoughts — we still haven’t given in to the pacifier, though. We’ve whittled it down to one simple fact: from about eleven at night till six in the morning, our little girl simple goes nuts if you put her in horizontal position. Which means, if one of us sits up in a chair with her all night, she sleeps all night. Problem is, the person holding her doesn’t.
We’ve found a solution to that, too. More on that later.
But you’re right about the pressure on new parents. I am absolutely paranoid at times about L, especially given the conflicting advice you always get.When do you cut a baby’s nails? Here, they’ve told us “Not before two weeks! Under no circumstances before two weeks of age!” A Polish friend told us that the doctor there said three days.What do you put on a baby’s skin? Here: nothing. Poland: olive oil will work if you’ve got a spot of dry skin.
It’s infuriatingly frustrating!