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Month: December 2000
Work and More
Home alone. Chhavi left for Tennessee Monday, and I’ve basically been alone since then. It’s been strangely nice, strangely empty. As I told her last night, I don’t really miss her during the day because I never really see her during the day. But at night, it’s a little different. I really don’t find I miss her, though, until it’s time to go to bed. I guess that’s just indicative of the lifestyle we’ve been living for several months now: we come home and then basically do our own things, alone, until it’s time for dinner, then again until it’s time for bed.
So the big DLI news this week: Tuesday we went out for lunch with Kali — Sweet Chili’s in Arligton — and as we were sitting down, Beth said something to me under her breath: “Did you know Val’s leaving?” I thought she was joking at first, but she had known well enough about Kali, so I took it as being probably true. Then Kali told us all. “Val’s leaving. Today is his last day.” So we went to Carberry’s and got a cake for him, then to Buck-a-Book and bought a card for him.
This means that the whole production-side mid/upper level management is now gone. Well, that’s not quite true since Natalie has her new position. Still, a whole level of the hierarchy has been taken out (i.e., vice president of production). Natalie will report straight to Layne now, as will Adam I suppose. I don’t honestly see that this will be much of a problem. If Val was incompetent as Peter always said, then it will actually be a good thing.
It’s interesting — six months after Rob quit and about three months after Peter quit, everyone they had problems with quit as well: Celina, Val, and Kali. Of course Rob would figure out someone else to have issues with. He seemed to latch onto hating Dale for the hell of it, so maybe someone else would get his dander up. And of course not everyone who annoyed him has left — Ron Smith (who, I admit, is fairly annoying) is still there. What the hell he’s doing, I’ve no idea.
How many people does that leave that were at DLI when I arrived? Bob, of course, and maybe a handful of others. I think Ellen Dixon was there before me, as were a few of the graphics folks and Kiki. Otherwise, I’m probably in the top ten as far as longevity goes.
Now for the big news. Yesterday I was talking to Natalie to see if there was anything she needed me to do, and she said, “No, but I wanted to talk to you.” Off we went to her cube, where she explained that Layne (!?) had asked her whether she would be willing to give me up to tech. Basically, the COO has noticed my work on the tech side of things and talked to my superior about getting me to change departments. Of course I said I was interested, and we then went over to meet with Kevin, the new CTO.
He’s a fairly mellow guy, I think, at least as far as his personality goes. I foresee him being a good guy to work with, though. I think he’ll expect a hell of a lot out of the people under him, but at the same time I think he’ll provide all the support we would need to get the job done.
We talked about the Big Dig that’s coming for the DLI site. Basically, we’re going to reconstruct the site while keeping the existing site going — hence the Big Dig metaphor. I’ve been thinking for a while that we could reduce the whole site down to ASP and SQL and have each page dynamically generated for each user. “That would entail creating a new linking tool,” I thought, “As well as completely re-doing the site. And that’s a huge expense that I don’t think DLI is interested in incurring.” Well, guess what we’re doing — something very similar. No ASP, though. Instead, it’ll all be XML with a Unix base and an Oracle DB. Three things I know nothing about. When Kevin explained the use of Unix and Oracle, I said, “There’s two things I know absolutely nothing about.” His response was quite encouraging: “So that’s two things you’ll have to learn.” Or something along those lines.
One of the things he mentioned was something else I’d never head of — digital dashboards. It turns out that we’re only using a small percentage of the Exchange server and Outlook’s capabilities. These two things can be used to provide massive amounts of information to in-house (and probably outside) employees, but we simply haven’t made the most of it. That’s one thing that Kevin wants us to do, and that makes me, in turn, very excited. I love the idea of being able to make stuff that directly impacts others’ lives and makes their work easier.
Speaking of that, one thing I haven’t written about but that I’m very happy about is the impact my silly macros (I must admit, I’m really sick of that word.) have had on others. Stephen Cebik told me that my macros have cut a process that used to take him upwards of five days down to a day and a half. That’s a major time savings. And of course part of me wants to say, “Hey, why don’t you tell Layne and Jay that. Maybe they’ll send a bit of those hundreds of dollars I’ve saved the company back my way.”
Back to my meeting with Kevin. He told me that I should think during the Christmas break about what kinds of things I’d like to do, then added with a laugh, “And then I’ll have you doing something entirely different.” I think that’s what I’ll do now — a list of things I’d love to do at DLI.
I’d like to be able to work with people a lot. That’s why this digital dashboard stuff seems so exciting to me. It would be like making macros in that I would be creating things that helped people in the here and now. So I think that would be a great thing to get started on — creating these dashboards, working with people to find out what then want/need in such a tool, teaching people how to use the tools (both the old and the new tools), and so on.
I think I could be most useful as something of a liaison between the editors and the software developers as it comes time to begin planning and coding the new tools necessitated by the site’s renovation. I know how editors work; I know how editors use the tools they already have; I know the problems editors have with the existing software. Who better to help plan the production-side tools?
I finally got a letter from someone in Poland — Halina sent me a letter with a Christmas gift — a tape called Śpiewają Gwiazdy Polskiej Estrady Najpięniejsze Kolędy, which I haven’t listened to. She told me about how things at school are going. Recently the liceum celebrated its fifth anniversary — I don’t really wish I could have been there for that, though. A bunch of speeches? No thanks. Of course there would have been some student recitals and singing, which was always nice. Anyway, it was nice to hear from her, though I wish she’d written sooner.
I found recently a new site dealing with the WCG and it’s spliters — including some I’d never heard of. It’s at: http://www.apollo.spaceports.com/~truth/index.html. Anyway, here’s something fascinating:
William F. Dankenbring now believes that the Israelites ignored Moses’ instruction to stay in their houses all night and that the Passover was on the fifteenth day of the first month, rather than on the fourteenth as taught by Herbert W. Armstrong (HWA). John D. Keyser, one of William’s associates for the past ten years, has gone even further, breaking away from Triumph Prophetic Ministries to start his own splinter group called Hope of Israel Ministries. Ignoring the Genesis account, John Keyser has now started to teach that the week has a pagan origin, and that the weekly Sabbath changes each month due to the new moon and can fall on any day of the week.
I just found the website, so I’m going to explore for a while now.
New Camera and More
It’s been a week since I last wrote in here. A few things of note in the past week.
First, Al Gore finally conceded, meaning, in my opinion, he conceded to Bush’s stealing of the election. It’s funny — all this talk (on both sides) of “the rule of law” and “letting the people’s voice be heard,” yet Bush is taking office because he won by an antiquated technicality that delivered to him the presidency even though 300,000+ more people voted for Al Gore. “Duuh-beuw” is taking office even though 300,000+ more people essentially said, “We’ve heard your proposals and we say, ‘Thanks, but no thanks.’ We want the other guy.” The majority of the nation — however slim that majority might be, it is a majority — said, “No, Duuh-beuw. We don’t want you to run our country,” and his response is, “Well, tough. I win — I got them there electoralistic votes that I needed, so screw the will of the people! It’s time for ‘The will of the Bush!’” Such a fucking idiot we have elected. “We?” Of course not — I didn’t vote, so I suppose I can’t really complain. But still — Duuh-beuw? That dolt.
Now, on to other news. I ordered a camera this week.
I wanted to get just a body and order a lens separately — the f/3.5 28–105 lens. However, they didn’t have just the body in stock, so I got the kit, which comes with an f/4 28–90 lens. I’m a little worried about having a lens that slow — f/4 is nasty-slow. I can order a f/1.8 50 mm for about 80 bucks, though, so I’ll mess with this lens and see what I think and if I feel I need a faster lens, I’ll buy that one.
Other news — I called Jasiu Monday. He was, to say the least, surprised that I called him. And I have to admit that I was a little surprised at his lack of enthusiasm when I explained why I was calling. Anyway, he answered in the affirmative. “Myślę, że możemy.” He wanted to talk to Sojka about it, though. I was supposed to email him concerning this, but I can’t get his address right. I guess I misunderstood what he said, or wrote something down incorrectly.
More interesting things this week — on Monday (or maybe it was Tuesday) Val and Kali called an impromptu editors’ meeting to discuss what we’ll be doing once Kali leaves. They’ve hired someone to be “Director of Editorial Services” or something like that. Whom did they hire? Natalie. Starting 2 January, she’ll no longer be Western Civ’s content developer; she’ll essentially be our boss. Matt Maslin and I were talking about this Friday night at Chhavi’s party and we both agree that this is a very good thing.
Lastly, Chhavi and I had a party Friday night in celebration of her birthday. Drew came — the first time since he got off the bus in Jabłonka that we’d seen him. I talked to him for about an hour, all told. The real story of the evening, though — or at least, so I’m told — was my drunkenness. In short, I got blitzed. I’m not quite sure I’ve ever been that drunk. Certainly not since I came back from Poland, and I’m not even sure I got that wasted there. I was completely aware of how drunk I was, and I was actually feeling the pain I would feel later at that moment — sort of hurting in anticipation for how much I’d really be hurting later.
One last thing to write about: Michelle is, indeed, coming up for a visit. She arrives Friday night. Chhav leaves tomorrow morning. Alone, with Michelle, for three days and four nights. I want to write, “That could have been deadly at one point, but hopefully now I know nothing will happen.” But is that quite true? Rather, is it true that, given the opportunity, I would pass it up? I guess I’ll find out soon enough.
Party
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Work, Return, and More
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Ex-Roommate Visit
Bethany arrived Friday evening and so we have our third house guest. Actually, our fourth, if you count Mom and Dad separately. I haven’t really spent much time with her, though. Obviously, she and Chhav have been staying up till God-only-knows-when.
She brought a book for us from her mother, something I’ve wanted to read for years once I learned what it was about: Mere Christianity. Bethany said it’s the best apologetics she’s read. I’m interested in it because it attempts to begin in a way similar to Berger’s theology from anthropology. I’m doubtful that it will lead me to re-convert. Well, that’s not quite right — I’ve never really been a Christian in my whole life, if I’m completely honest. That’s a strange thing — I’ve never really thought about it before, but I guess it’s the case. Anyway, I’m interested to see how Lewis’ argument develops.
I went to work yesterday for a little while. I’m not sure I really accomplished enough to justify going in — I did two chapters of QC changes. It was enough, however, to make me realize the utter stupidity of what I’m doing now. The more QC crap I get, the less likely I am to make the actual changes. I’ve been writing “No” by so many of the changes. But it’s a really unhealthy production model because it just pits us against them.
I think they’re checking for too many things. The result is that they miss a lot of things. For example, telling me to make “Emperor” lower-case in “Holy Roman Emperor” sometimes, but not always doing so. This is all the more troubling because of the fact that it’s in the style guide as “Holy Roman Emperor.” The result is that I feel like a lot of these changes are somewhat arbitrary. Another example: in one profile someone had me change “modern-day Some-Country” to “present-day Some-Country”; later, QC wanted me to change some reference to 16th-century France to “modern-day France.” This is ludicrous. And it amounts to nothing more than a waste of my time and their time.
What should they be doing? Checking for consistency between dates in lectures and profiles; making sure we have “r.” in front of reign dates; checking grammar and syntax; making sure everything is in accordance to the style guide. Instead, they’re fucking editing the stuff a second time. Even checking for “content gaps.” (God, I am so sick of our little lexicon of “content question” and “cat-1” and “content gaps.”) But not, for God’s sake, re-editing every little line. Especially in this plagiarism project — and this close to the damn deadline. It really amounts to nothing more than a waste of time.
After spending two and a half hours inputting someone else’s changes (yes, I am a little resentful that they don’t do it themselves — ever hear of “tracking changes?”), I met Bethany and Chhavi at (guess) Fanuell Hall. We wandered around there for a while, then started toward Downtown Crossing to go to Harvard Square for dinner, and on the way, they decided they wanted to stop at Marshall’s.
Just after that, we came to the Old Town Meeting Hall (I think that’s what it’s called) and there was a woman sitting on the stoop at the Meeting Hall, begging. “Spare any change?” she asked everyone as they walked by, and her voice was so flat and empty that it was heartbreaking. I told Chhav and Bethany to go on to the store and I went back to Starbucks and bought a cup of coffee and a hot cocoa. I went back to where the woman was sitting, sat down beside her and said, “I brought you something warm to drink. I have coffee here and hot chocolate — which would you prefer?” At first she looked at me as if I were a complete idiot, then she said, “Hot chocolate,” and I thought to myself, “Good thing you didn’t assume she just likes coffee.” We introduced ourselves — her name was Vikki. Immediately I began wondering what I could say. I didn’t want to just leave the cocoa and run off. I asked her if she had any place to go that night. She explained that she has an apartment in Lynn (I think) and that she has two boys — “I’m out here for them.” I was wondering how she could afford an apartment on just begging, but I didn’t ask. We talked for a while, then I left, giving her the seventy-five cents I had left over from buying the drinks and wishing her luck.
I’m not sure what I accomplished in doing that, but it felt nice to be giving something to someone. I felt like I was doing that in Lipnica all the time — giving my time and my attention, at the very least — and I’ve missed that for the last year. Of course I can’t say anything to Chhavi about that. She’ll encourage me to volunteer at homeless shelters and soup kitchens all the time so that I’ll snap out of my depression. I do want to snap out of my depression, but I’m not really sure I want to give up the idea of going back to Lipnica.
9:46 PM 55 Adams Street, Malden MA
This evening Bethany showed us pictures from her missionary trip to — of all places — Scotland. Those hinterlands of heather are certainly bastions for pagans — have been for ages. Anyway, she was talking about people basically communing with the Holy Spirit and describing praying for people — people who, I might add, had been smote by the Spirit or something, lying on the floor, unable to move. Or, “Here’s a picture of us, just worshipping.” Apparently when they had free time they just broke into worship sessions. I must admit it was really difficult to figure out things to say. How can you converse with someone who’s so happy about something you think is such a crock of shit? It’s a tricky thing.
I really don’t understand that mentality — the whole purpose of Bethany’s life is to worship God and sing his praises. That just seems like a terribly boring way to go through life.
And it really brings serious questions to my mind about the nature of this God she’s worshiping. Would I want someone always praising me? Certainly not — that’s nothing but megalomania a human being. Why is it any different in God?
Perhaps someone would answer that it’s in appreciation. And to that I would reply, “Appreciation for what? Creating me? He didn’t create me — my parents created me when they had sex. Creating the human race? Well, fine — perhaps I should be thankful, but I don’t see that he did the greatest of jobs.”
That’s what it really boils down to — why in hell did God create humanity? The Westminster Catechism says, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” So that’s why God created us? So that we would glorify him? What kind of insecure God needs puny humans “lifting him up?” Why would he want such a thing? Does he need such a thing?
More questions — when did God realize he’d fucked up and that Adam and Eve (speaking strictly in Christian terms here — I’m taking what the Bible says as truth for the sake of argument) were choosing knowledge over him. (Isn’t that frightening in and of itself? God created a Tree of Knowledge, but then forbade his creation from messing with it. And what’s this shit about God not tempting?) So God creates humanity; Adam and Eve mess up and choose knowledge over life or obedience; they are immediately estranged from God. So he hatches this scheme of sending himself — or part of himself — to Earth to pay this price he’s going to exact from everyone’s ass once they die. Lots of questions here, and one follows the other:
- Did God not know that Adam and Eve were going to fuck up? Or, to broaden it a little more, that humanity was going to be such a miserable disaster?
- If he did know, then why didn’t he make things a little more fair? Why didn’t he give Adam and Eve a little more knowledge? Why didn’t he make the urge to be good (as C. S. Lewis goes on and on about in Mere Christianity) a little stronger?
- If he didn’t know, then he’s simply not the omnipotent God Christianity claims him to be.
The most logical conclusion is that he did know all along and that this whole Christ scheme was part of the plan in the beginning. But why? So that humans would need God all the more? So that we could feel thankful to God because he didn’t give us what we deserve?
It all centers on God’s motives for creating us. And I don’t really know that Christianity answers that in and of itself. So Christianity answers the question, “Where did this sense of right and wrong come from?” and it answers the ever-vexing question, “What happens when we die?” but it doesn’t touch at all — at least adequately — “Why the hell are we here anyway?”
I really can’t escape the conclusion that Christianity is just a stupid religion. It makes perfect sense — if you accept a few basic premises. But I don’t accept those premises and that’s where all the trouble starts.