matching tracksuits

Pre-teaching
Kupa is Polish for "poo-poo", and it's pronounced, "koo-pa." Siusiu is Polish for "wee-wee", and it's pronounced "shoo-shoo."

When you're nearly three years old, everything has a proper method. There is no gray area; there are no acts or activities that don't have strict rules, regulations, and expectations.

Rituals abound, and often, the adults don't even realize there is a ritual for this or that, let alone what the various elements of a given ritual are.

L's morning rituals are set. We wake Her Highness up, and the first stop is the kitchen bar. We get out the milk; she opens it. We bring her the cocoa mix; she opens it. We pour the milk; she adds the cocoa. She stirs and tastes; we stir and taste. She closes the sippy cup; we check that it's tightly screwed on.

Any violation of these sacrosanct rituals is troubling. Try to open the milk and L cries, "I do it! I do it!" Try to screw on the sippy cup lid before she has a chance and she cries, "I do it! I do it!" It has become so problematic that we introduced a ritual of our own: "L's Magnificent Mornings." It's a sticker-bribery system, basically. It works, but it has only added one more ritual to our ritualistic lives.

Most of the rituals appear without warning. A new ceremony concerns entering the bathtub. It is not to be done at one end or the other, but precisely in the middle. Galaxies collide and gravity dissipates otherwise.

Occasionally, we get to watch a ritual being born. Slowly, it develops and moves from the status of "occasional addition to an existing activity" to full-blown sacrament.

This afternoon, I might have witnessed it.

L came to me asking for help in the bathroom. This can only mean that baby wipes will be necessary. After L created her "awful smell" (as she once referred to it), I suggested that we flush it down.

"No, I need to siusiu," she replied solemnly.

"Well, we can flush and then you can siusiu," I suggested.

She shook her head. "No, no! Kupa needs to swim!"

I suggested that kupa might have more room in the big potty and she reluctantly agreed. If I were to place a wager on it, though, I suspect it won't be the last time L tries to protect kupa's right to exercise.

Power outlets, books, and CDs are the only things we really say “No!” to with the girl. Oh, and plants and hot things and climbing on the stairs and so on. And the cat, when we had a cat. (He ran away some weeks ago. Some say he’s supposed to come back any day now.)

Still, it’s the forbidden that’s attractive.

(I’m sure it didn’t help to send mixed messages by saying “No!” and taking the picture. But I just happened to have the camera and couldn’t resist.)

Fortunately, there are plenty of things in the house to hold her attention.

When the Girl is being put to sleep, she sometimes gets angry. Scratch that -- furious. She can howl and scream and whimper endlessly when I'm the one trying to put her to sleep instead of K.

I usually just wait her out. She'll literally scream and push and wiggle and cry until she literally passes out. While she's doing this, I simply walk around the apartment, holding her close, and whispering sweetly (or as sweetly as I can manage while every last nerve in my body is being assailed simultaneously). There comes a time when she's crying, then whimpering, then crying, then tumbling quietly toward sleep -- until something disturbs her and reminds her, "Oh, yes, I am indeed irritated."

That's when toys can become landmines.

There are two beeping, flashing, musical toys that are particularly deadly. In one of them (a caterpillar that plays about four songs and flashes lights where one wouldn't think caterpillars would have lights) has expired: the batteries are dead, and gosh darn it, I just can't seem to remember to replace them. Touch it and it begins a loud, loud, loud symphony.

The porcupine is not much better. Give it a kick (as I did last night) and it begins talking to you. Nothing too intelligent, but you wouldn't expect physics from a porcupine.

Last night, I kicked it dead center. I'm not sure which woke L: my sudden, frustrated gasp, or the porcupine.

The video is fixed — don’t know why it wasn’t playing, but I just re-“compiled” it and it seems fine.

Update: Some folks tell me the video stops halfway through. I give up on this one…

We’ve been taking L to swimming lessons at the local YWCA. Within a few weeks, we’ve gone from calmly moving her about the pool (“Dig, dig, dig! Kick, kick, kick!”) to dunking her under water after blowing in her face. She doesn’t much like the former, and the latter sets her to screaming more often than not. The instructor suggests that it’s the water running down her face when we pull her back up that upsets her.

Still, we take her regularly and follow the instructor’s advice, on the hopes that it’s the unfamiliarity of it all that is bothering L.

There’s a progress report at YouTube.