Matching Tracksuits

Five years of joy and frustration, smiles and cries, small victories and smaller defeats all culminate today. Technically, the birthday is next Friday, but try explaining that to L today.

All week it's been the same refrain: "How many days until my birthday party?" And who could blame her when the birthday party involved drawing (almost) anything her imagination can inspire?

Two years ago, we went for an art birthday party and K kept it in the back of her mind as an original yet fun party for the Girl. Today is that day, a day of blue backgrounds and gray elephants, trunks up, tails down, trunks down, tails up -- whatever each child wishes.

The instructor is just as you would imagine her to be: questioning ("Is this the inside or the outside of the elephant's ear? The outside, right? What part is pink, the outside or inside?") yet ultimately accepting of the young artists' decisions ("You can make it any color you like; it's your elephant. But what part of most elephants' ears are pink?").

The kids work, the adults talk, and the afternoon slides by in a smear of every color imaginable, all accompanied by continual laughter and chatter. The artists check each other's work, make comments, ask questions, offer suggestions.

Yet there comes a time in every artist's creative endeavors when a decision must be made. Paul Valéry once said, "A poem is never finished, only abandoned," and I'd imagine that most visual artists feel the same. Yet cake, ice cream, and presents waited, so the creative process was sped up with the assistance of technology.

And after some cleaning,

and a ceremonial hanging of the art,

it's time for the cake. It's the first year K didn't bake the cake for L's birthday, and certainly every atom in K's Polish body screamed, "It's not right! You can not be a good mother and not bake your daughter's cake!"

But somehow we all survive.

The presents make up for everything.

And the greatest present of all: so many people took so much time out of their Saturday to come share the Girl's day.

"You say it's your birthday?" It was tempting to sing the Beatles' birthday to Papa yesterday when he turned forty-something (he was a precocious child). We settled for the old stand-by, in more ways than one.

The first old stand-by: the Girl is the center of attention, even when it's Papa's day.

Even when sisters come to make brother-Papa the center of the day, the Girl manages to charm everyone.

"You, and you, and you -- watch this!"

The second old stand-by: the Girl makes most of the decisions, like who gets to wear the birthday hats and who gets a pass.

Cake is another stand-by, with Happy Birthday New Year candles.

When Papa turned forty-something (the first time, that is), Nana and I tried to put forty-something candles on the cake. It was a Herculean task to get them all lit before the first ones started going out.

"H-A-P-P-Y N-E-W Y-E-A-R" (what are they doing selling New Year's candles in April?) was much easier to light.

And blow out, I'd imagine.

The ultimate, ever-new stand-by: Papa showing Nana that, even on "his" day, she's still the center of his world. (Like the reservoir behind the Three Gorges Dam, though, the Girl puts a little wobble in that orbit. Just a little one.)

Today, you turn three. You hold up your fingers, struggling to hold down the thumb and pinkie, and tell me — show me — that you’re three.

In the morning, we celebrate your threeness with activities arranged into trinities: three hugs, three kisses, three tickles. As we head to the kitchen, you decide you want three jumps, so I stand at the base of our small staircase and catch you three times as you leap, in complete trust, three times into my arms. We go back to your room and you want three pushes: I sit on your rug and you gradually, with steady pressure, push me over, landing on me with giggles.

For three years now, we’ve been three. While it’s hard to accept that it was three years ago that you rushed into the world after only an hour of your mother’s labor, it’s equally difficult to accept that it’s only been three years. It seems like so much longer. This is undoubtedly due, in large measure, to the simple fact that you’ve developed more — cognitively and physically — in these three years than you’ll ever develop in your life. You’ve learned to talk, walk, run, dance, tickle, fix chocolate milk, sort things by color, chose your own clothes, put on your jacket, and a million other things that you will take for granted in the future but are in fact life changing advances. you have, in short, become more independent.

In the beginning, there was dependence. You could do nothing for yourself except burp and mess in your shockingly small diaper.

Each year, you’ve grown more independent, and more stubborn.

You’ve gone from having things done for you to insisting on doing everything for yourself. Insisting to the point of utter frustration at times.

And now, we celebrate your completion of three years. You’re starting your fourth year with us.

We bring you a small cake — Babcia’s work — and clap as you blow out the candle. Your first year, we did it for you.

Your first birthday’s presents were of a simple kind: they made noise, or flashed, or rattled. We unwrapped the presents for you and showed you how they work.

Now, you unwrap your own presents and excitedly examine them.

We still help you, though. It will be that way for a very long time. Hopefully, a very, very long time. You’ll understand that desire when you have children of your own.