In a couple of days my parents arrive. I haven’t seen them since last Christmas. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long, in reality. By the time they get here it will have been ten months, but it feels only like half that. I guess despite the horror of it, this last year has gone by fairly quickly.

In the middle of my parents’ arrival Thursday and the last time I saw them lies my trip to Lipnica. Five months ago. It doesn’t see that long, either. I guess that’s what happens when you spend every day obsessing over something. I have to admit, though, it’s gotten a whole lot better. In fact, when I think of going back to Lipnica, I’m not filled with this sickening surity that I must go back or I’ll go insane. I guess saying it’s getting “better” is a relative thing because there’s still a large part of me that wants to go back, and another portion of me — God, how many parts have I divided myself into? — wants to cling desparately to that bit of desire to return, to encourage it to grow somehow.

Truth is, I’m not that terribly unhappy at work. The job is, indeed, somewhat boring when I’m stuck doing editing, but I’m doing that less and less these days. And working with people I like is a vast improvement over my job in Lipnica where I could barely stand the sight of the other teachers. And yet at the weekends, it hits me — I’m terribly lonely and I feel awfully empty when I don’t have anything to do. I guess the trick is keeping my mind busy.

Anyway, my parents are coming, but they’re not bringing the cats. I feel awful about that, but I don’t really know what we’re doing next year and I think it will be better if we just find the Puck and Lily a new home. The trouble, though, is that it is not I who will be doing it, but my parents. I feel like I’ve asked so much of them regarding those two. I guess it really is unfair to them in a lot of ways, but what can I do?

When they get here, hopefully we’ll have a chance to have dinner together just the three of us. Well, I guess we’ll be spending a lot of time together in the afternoons without Chhavi so that won’t be necessary. At any rate, I guess what I meant was that I’d like to have the chance to talk to them alone. I’d like to see what they think about all this returning-to-Poland/not-having-kids/lack-of-fulfillment/lack-of-happiness situation.