Matching Tracksuits

fun in fours

Month: March 2005

Answer 165

Thursday 10 March 2005

Tall, slim, metallic – my filing cabinet was one of my prized possessions in the States. I had a drawer for my current semester: materials, handouts, tests, syllabi. I had a draw for all the previous semesters. I had a drawer for financial documents: receipts, bills, bank information. And of course I had a miscellaneous drawer. I could go straight to anything.

Now I dream of having a filing cabinet to organize myself. I think since I’ve been I Poland, I’ve seen a couple, but they don’t seem to be popular. At school, I keep all my papers and documents in a little cubby-hole – literally. At home, I have tons of little binders and folders that I keep tax info in, visa documents, etc. But no filing cabinet.

I used to think of myself as highly organized, but sloth and lack of storage space (not to mention a lack of filing cabinets – I like filing cabinets) has led me to a state of semi-chaos. I don’t lose my keys often, but I often temporarily misplace materials from school, simply because I don’t have a place to store it all neatly and systematically. Which drives me bananas.

Pens are a story in themselves. I have a very nice Cross Townsend black lacquer fountain pen that I bought, by some fluke of mis-pricing or something, for only sixty buck. I’ve had it for ten years now, and never once have I thought I’d lost it. I have a beautiful stainless steel Parker Sonnet fountain pen that Kinga bought for me for Christmas, which, because of its weight (that Cross is heavy) goes with me to school every day. Never lost it. I have another Parker filled with red ink for grading papers – never misplaced it. All told, I have four fountain pens, and I’ve never lost one. Ballpoint pens, though, are a different story. Three. I’ve lost three. Most recently, I lost one that Kinga gave me last Christmas. Yes, it is only March, but the horrid thing is, I lost it before the end of January! How?! I’ve no clue.

Absalomie, Absalomie…

Tuesday 08 March 2005

I borrowed the Polish version of Absalom, Absalom! for Kinga, and I was thumbing through the edition and noticed a couple of things immediately.

First of all, none of the extended passages italicized in the original are italicized in the Polish, which is strange, given how Faulkner uses italics.

Second, the famous final line, “I don’t hate the South!” was translated a little differently: “I don’t feel hatred for the South.” I’m not certain, but I think this was for fluid reading. “Nie czuję nienawiści do Południa!” ends this version, whereas a more literal translation would have read, “Nie nienawidzę…” and that double “nie” would have indeed read awkwardly.

In Defense of English Tenses

Monday 07 March 2005

Nina, at The Other Side of the Ocean, recently complained about necessary tenses in English.

Writing about learning English, she says, “As a new kid on the English-speaking block, I had to come to terms with the fact that English has sixteen verb tenses. You truly are insane.”

Indeed, most Poles when they learn that there are more than three tenses in English have a similar reaction.

The actual number of tenses is a somewhat fluid issue. Nina maintains sixteen. I would argue that there are only three tenses: past, present, and future. Within each of those, though, there are four types:

  • simple
  • progressive/continuous
  • perfect, and
  • perfect progressive/continuous.

A total of twelve, for I don’t count conditionals as tenses.

This does seem somewhat excessive but think of the versatility of the English tense system.

With a single verb tense you can:

  • Show whether it happened before or after another action;
  • Indicate whether or not it is a temporary action;
  • Show whether or not it was a completed action; and,
  • Indicate whether it was habitual or not.

Think of the enormous difference between these sentences:

  1. When you called I was eating.
  2. When you called, I had eaten.

In situation one, you’d better apologize; in situation two, you’re fine.

But some of the tenses do indeed cause problems with Polish learners, none more so than present perfect (i.e., “I have eaten sushi.”). It’s problematic because it sometimes refers to the past (“I’ve been to China. I went last year.”) and sometimes to the present (“I’ve lived in Poland for seven years.”). The first example would be translated to past tense in Polish, while the second would be present tense. Then there’s the difference between “I’ve eaten sushi” and “I ate sushi.”

It’s a nightmare that some students never fully work out.

I, on the other hand, have problems fitting all those possibilities into tense-deprived Polish. Polish does have something sort of like a continuous tense, but instead of being a different tense, it’s a different verb! “Obejrzełem” is “I watched” whereas “ogladałem” is more like “I was watching.”

How’s that for difficulty?!

It’s not often

Monday 07 March 2005

that I get to make a student's day, but I think I did just that this morning.

I handed back tests to a class of first year students, by far my favorites. I love teaching beginners because it's really a kick to end a year talking to a group of kids in English that didn't know a single word a few months earlier. This group in particular is wonderful. There's a very positive dynamic in the class: they're very enthusiastic, but easily controlled.

Grazyna (not her real name) has been having problems since the beginning of the school year, and has to struggle to pass. I think she's one of those of us who have little talent for languages.

Today, I gave her back her test. She made a "three" on it, the equivalent of a "C" in the States.

It was her highest grade ever for a major test in English.

She literally screamed, and her face glowed with the loveliest smile I've seen in a long time.

Those are the moments that make teaching my dream job.

Answer 200

Thursday 03 March 2005

In conversations, do you tend to listen or talk more?

“There’s a reason the good Lord gave us two ears and only one mouth,” the saying goes. You learn more from listening than from talking, but that’s not the reason I often find myself sitting silent in groups, listening and not participating. Kinga says I should make more of an effort, but the problem is, I’ve found that many times people are talking about something I know nothing about, or (worse) care nothing about. And so I sit and let them do the work of keeping the conversation going.

One-on-one is a different story, though, and Kinga will tell you I can talk up a storm when I’m inspired (read: irritated).

Question 165 Are you well organized? How often do you have to look for your keys?

Group conversation, though, just baffles me. When I first returned to Poland, I thought it was a language issue, that I just wasn’t following everything. I went back to the States the summer of 2002 and one evening, found myself at a bar with a few friends and their friends and other friends of friends--mostly strangers, in other words. My attention drifted from one conversation to another, and I realized that it wasn’t the language in Poland that was messing me up. I’m just not good at “small talk.” I listened intently to what pairs and trios were talking about, and even then I’d have been hard pressed to nail down a sort of thesis statement for the conversation. I simply had no idea what the hell they were talking about.

Small talk is an oxymoron.

I’m not saying that all conversation needs to be about something “deep” (whatever that might mean), but it does need a grounding for me. What that means in practical terms is that I’m very quiet when I’m with a group of people I don’t know. Once I know that someone shares the same interest as I, I begin opening up a bit.

When I do begin talking, I guess I like talking about something meaningful. I once had a very long conversation with a friend of a friend of Kinga’s about forgiveness, what it means, and whether we can truly forgive another person. It was a Highlanders’ party, and Polish Highlanders are like me, squared: very distant and silent (cautious, even) until they get to know you. In that sense, the two of us had a bit of an impetus to our conversation.

Robbed! Robbed, I say!

Thursday 03 March 2005

I once worked at an internet start-up. A “dot-bomb” as the cliche goes, for it eventually fell flat on its face.

I worked in IT the last six or so months I was there, and so I got email from folks I'd never heard from while working as an editor -- including the marketing director.

Almost four years ago, I wrote the following in my journal (names changed):

Nothing particularly interesting happened at work this week. In other words, no one got fired. We were induced with ice cream Friday afternoon to be a focus group for “[TheCompany]’s vision” and mission statement and all that jazz. It was David Gordon’s doing – he’s the new director of marketing (or marketing director – I forget which term he prefers and made me correct all references on the web site to). Even if I didn’t know what he does for a living, if I read a couple of his emails I think I’d fairly quickly guess that he’s in marketing. Everything he writes smacks of it – every other word seems to be from some book that might be called Power Words for Marketing Professionals or Words to Make People Remember You, both of which in fact would be filled with cliche© and ridiculous writing. Concerning the “About Us” page on our web site, he forwarded me an email exchange he had with Susan in which she said something about the existing text not achieving the desired effect, to which he responded, “I’ll wordsmith something better.” As I told Eric, it takes a hell of a writer to use "wordsmith" as a noun (which of course it is) and not sound ridiculous. To use it as a verb is absolutely ridiculous. “I’ll wordsmith something”?!?! I can just hear some guy with a comb-over in a marketing class saying, “Don’t ‘write’ anything – wordsmith.” Perhaps he also added, “Don’t ever ‘crap’ – poopsmith.” He also had me put the following punctuation in the email that professors get after getting a free trial:

The double colons are something, as he put it, he picked up recently. You don’t “pick up” punctuation. You pick up gimmicks; you pick up a gallon of milk on your way home for work; you try to pick up women – but you don’t “pick up” new forms of punctuation. He would probably argue that it makes you stand out. “Wordsmith” also makes you stand out, but certainly not in a positive way. And I don’t think profs are going to be sucked in with “clever” (ab)uses of punctuation. Maybe we could end all our sentences with a dash- That would make us stand out- aND THEN WE COULD REVERSE CASE IN EVERYTHING WE WRITE- lASTLY. WE COULD PUT PERIODS WHERE WE NORMALLY PUT COMAS. AND INTENTINALLY MISS-PELL WERDSS TU HELP PEOPLE REMEMBER US-

Username :: WE3F3KJD
Password :: YIRJ3L2N

To be fair, the double-colon thing is fairly common now. I have even used it -- gulp. Guess he was vindicated.

But there's no vindication for me. The Brothers Chaps stole my idea of poopsmith and are making millions with it. Well, at least a living.

Homestar Runnner, I hate you...

It’s the End of the World as We Know It

Wednesday 02 March 2005

In Trinity Broadcast Network's take on the end of the world, we see at the climax of the film the great battle known as Armageddon. Satan is there in full gargoyle attire, directing the Forces of Evil to destroy all that stands in their way. The bright light of Jesus comes and in a montage we see, among other things, Jews praying at the Wailing Wall.

The Real Video version of the video is available here. If you like B-movies, this one is for you. It's worth it at least to watch the final minutes, so cue it to 1:29 and make sure you don't have to urinate...

Huh? A great battle within a few miles and they're praying instead of running for cover?!

This "oversight" is symptomatic of the general Fundamentalist view of the Book of Revelation and the end of the world. The whole scenario is laughable: the Satan unites the duped world into an alliance with him. Those who resist meet on the plains of Megiddo and fight the greatest battle the world has ever seen, cut short by Jesus' second coming and the banishing of Satan to a bottomless pit.

It's Lord of the Rings. But to some people, it's a sure thing. In fact, you can see the rumblings of it already, with the United Nations or the European Union, depending on which breed of Fundamentalist you're talking to. Soon, a powerful leader will rise and start working miracles and uniting the world with his...

Wait. Let's think about it for a moment. It's the twenty-first century. What's going to happen if someone starts working "miracles?" Anyone hear of James Randi? What's going to happen if some world leader starts calling on people to worship him?

As for the apocalyptic battle that rages in the Middle East, the notion that all the armies are going to gather on the plains -- when was the last time you saw modern warfare conducted like that?

But that basic logic clashes with what the Bible "clearly" says, and so the True Believers stumble on saying that the end is just around the corner. Yet even Jesus seemed to get his timing wrong. Speaking of the end of the world in Matthew’s gospel, he says,

Wherefore, behold, I send unto you prophets, and wise men, and scribes: and some of them ye shall kill and crucify; and some of them shall ye scourge in your synagogues, and persecute them from city to city: That upon you may come all the righteous blood shed upon the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel unto the blood of Zacharias son of Barachias, whom ye slew between the temple and the altar. Verily I say unto you, All these things shall come upon this generation. (23.34-36)

Later, he utters the same thing: “This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled” (24.34). So for almost two thousand years folks have been saying, “This generation won’t die without seeing the end of the world!”

But that’s neither here nor there. No man knows the hour and all that, but we do know the signs: rebuilding the temple; resurrected Roman Empire; 666; miracle-working world leader who calls himself a god. Or do we? There’s so much hopeless confusion and contradiction in the various end of the world scenarios that it’s difficult to keep a straight face hearing such nonsense.

No one seems to wonder, “Well, if all the pieces of the puzzle can be put together in such different ways, maybe the puzzle itself is broken. Or our understanding of it.”

I’d say it’s a little of both.

Brain Leak

Tuesday 01 March 2005

It was bound to happen, I suppose. I’d heard of it, but never thought I’d experience it myself.

I’m forgetting English. Not the whole language of course, but isolated words here and there.

For instance, the other day a student asked me what “zniżka” is in English. I stood there thinking, “What is that? ‘Lowered price?’ ‘Rebate?’ What the hell do they call that, a lowered price. Student’s price?!” I couldn’t remember “discount” to save my life.

Exhibit two: I was making a test key for a first-year class’s test, and I came upon the word “pralka.” “That thing for washing clothes,” I mumbled to myself. I closed my eyes and I could see my in-laws’ sitting there. Clothes washer? Washing machine.

Now this is not to say that my Polish is so dang good that I’m more comfortable speaking it than English. No — quite the opposite. I am to Polish what clear-cutters are to bonsai. But as the saying goes, if you don’t use it, you lose it. Despite my constant reading and writing, words manage to get wedged in my head and I can’t shake the jumble out.

Of course, I have the same problem in Polish. To an exponential degree.