When someone is intensely insecure and lacking self-confidence, anything–and often, everything–can be an insult. Just looking at someone can bring about such an astounding level of posturing. So can accidentally stepping on toes attached to feet at the end of legs stretched out into what might otherwise be considered a row between desks.
Many of the kids I work with can so quickly switch into the posturing mode that it’s difficult to keep track of all the triggers. Indeed, the “triggers” are often arbitrary. That’s not to say I (and other staff members) walk around on egg shells, but there are times when avoiding confrontation is in the best interests of all.
A posturing student is a student who is not receptive, and the question arises, “What to do?” Do I let the little tantrum run itself out, or do I put a stop to it immediately, knowing that that might escalate it? Any number of factors play into this decision:
- Is this exceptional behavior for this student?
- Is this disrupting other students?
- Could other students join in and thus escalate it?
- What are the students doing next (i.e., can I just let it run its course if it gets out of hand)?
- What am I trying to accomplish with the student?
- Is there another staff member near who can help with the other students if this behavior takes all of my attention?
And then there are the inappropriate factors, the things that run through my head that I really shouldn’t take into account, but probably do more often than I should.
- Do I have the energy to continue doing this?
- Can I just let this simmer down and let whoever is working with this student next deal with it?
- Is lunch soon?
- Is there any coffee in the coffee pot?
- Do I have to do anything with this student later in the day that will require him being unusually compliant with me?
All these things bouncing around my head, and all I really want to say gently, is “Be still. Be calm. There’s no reason to be upset.”
But to whom would I be speaking?